Crash of Moons

Excellent entertainment value when viewed as the MST3K version! Everyone is a hoot, and John Banner appears in a rare serious role as the ruler of one of the doomed planets. Don't forget to send a Bannergram. Oh, and don't forget to watch Manhunt in Space, as well.

There's not really that much wrong with Crash of the Moons. Basically it's a few episodes of Rocky Jones, Space Ranger merged into a film. It is extremely dated, however. Winky's treatment of Vena is a good example of this. One has to remember that it was geared to be shown to children in the 1950's. In this respect, it succeeds. If you like children's sci-fi from the 1950's, go ahead and take a look at it. You'll see John Banner in a pre-sgt. Schultz role. He does a pretty good job in it. All in all, I'd give it a 6 out of 10. Not great, but not bad.

Crash Of Moons bests illustrates the mind of the Fifties Science fiction creator, the hack creator, not the Robert Heinleins or Isaac Asimovs. In this film which was cobbled together from the old Rocky Jones Space Ranger TV show, rocketry was the limit, the ultimate in our technology. Lasers and computers were not conceived.

Again some knowledge of the show which I had and which at the age of 7 I devotedly watched is required. Two planetary bodies that are inhabited are going to crash. One of these is a 'gypsy moon' that roams space without a star it revolves around Posita which is ruled by John Banner before he was Sergeant Schultz. The other is Ophesius which is ruled by perennial villain Queen Cleolanta, Patsy Parsons. She was one evil woman, but she's heading for the last roundup.

After the usual Cleolanta intrigues Rocky Jones tries to bombard Posita with something called a 'tortanic' missile. Several of them which make some big bangs after the gypsy moon is evacuated, but don't budge it an inch off course. As I said rocketry was the limit of TV writers imagination.

How does it end? If you're an old Rocky Jones fan like me you know.

I do like watching the classic serials of the 1940s and '50s what with their constant two-fisted action scenes and cliffhangers, although I'd never experienced the delights of ROCKY JONES, SPACE RANGER previously. CRASH OF MOONS is an example of three episodes of the popular TV series being stitched together to make a single movie.

And boy, is it a dog. It's a drawn out sci-fi movie that drags along in the doldrums for the entire running time, featuring a plot so slight that it barely holds the viewer's attention. The tale is about the titular pair of moons that have been sent out of orbit and are on a collision course with an inhabited planet. Rocky and his team (including a woman, a kid, and a bizarre old professor guy who might as well sit around smoking a pipe) go to help them evacuate, but the planet's stupid queen wants nothing to do with it.

I associate these kinds of serial and TV shows with plenty of action and excitement, but CRASH OF MOONS is sorely lacking in that department. There are lots and lots of shots of spaceships landing and docking in which the ships look like they've been drawn on the screen or perhaps animated with a piece of cardboard. Even worse, there are only a couple of fight scenes, and attempts to generate any kind of suspense fall flat. The queen and her people are so unlikeable and stupid in behaviour that you wish the moons would crash on to them and kill them all. Add in a stolid hero and cheap production values and you have CRASH OF MOONS, an entirely dated sci-fi outing.

Crash of Moons isn't half bad. Considering that it was an MST experiment, you're tendency is to brace for the worst, especially considering it falls into that dreaded 50s-era space movie.

The plot is quite evident and the characters are engaging. Rocky Jones is a take-charge, aggressive, and well-meaning character who made James T. Kirk possible a generation later. Miss Ray, whose mini-skirted character is constrained by 1950s perception of women, comes off well. Despite her character being rather hamstrung, she manages to breathe life into the role and lessens the effect. "Winky", on the other hand, is an annoying character who would have been the first to die had he been in either a 80s slasher flick or the original Star Trek series.

Be willing to suspend your disbelieve with respect to the scientific end of the story. But don't let that get in the way of enjoying a good rainy Saturday afternoon movie.

Sterno says sign up for a mission with Rocky Jones.