- [the tobacco jar follows Scruno's movements]
- Scruno: Now, look here, tobacco can, don't bother me. I don't smoke, so don't... I ain't botherin' you. It's all right.
- [the tobacco jar continues to follow Scruno's movements]
- Scruno: Please, Mr. Spider, come back and web me a ladder so I can get outta here right NOW.
- Glimpy: You know, I milked a cow once. A very intricate affair. You see, a cow's got four faucets.
- Danny: What for?
- Glimpy: Well, the first faucet is for buttermilk, the second for bottled milk, and the third is for evaporated milk.
- Danny: What's the fourth one for?
- Glimpy: Come to think of it, this cow only had t'ree.
- Jeff Dixon: Well, all right, so they need the outdoor life, but I was hoping for a nice, quiet summer at camp so I could study my thesis and be with you. Instead of that, it's gonna be as quiet around here as the funhouse at Coney Island.
- Muggs McGinnis: [walking through the woods] Come on, let's get out of this shell hole. I wonder if this is a cow trail or the state highway? A nice place for a picnic. If you run out of toothpicks you can use pine needles.
- Danny: Hey, Muggs.
- Muggs: What?
- Danny: I'm not scared or nothing like that, but... remember what we heard about that... that guy on the radio?
- Muggs: So?
- Danny: Well, suppose he was prowling around here. Don't you think we ought to stand guard or something?
- Muggs: Nah. You just go outside and set a couple of bear traps for him.
- Margie - Sweet Shop Clerk: What'll you have?
- Danny: [staring at her in awe] I don't know. You got a menu?
- Margie - Sweet Shop Clerk: Uh-huh.
- Danny: [points to his menu without taking his eyes off her] I'll have some of that.
- Margie - Sweet Shop Clerk: That's the name of the town, silly.
- Danny: Oh, that's what I thought. Gimme a root beer.
- Margie - Sweet Shop Clerk: And, uh, what'll you have?
- Muggs: You.
- Margie - Sweet Shop Clerk: You're very fresh.
- Muggs: Yeah? Well, I hope your bread is just as fresh. Say, what're you doin' tonight?
- Margie - Sweet Shop Clerk: Got a date.
- Muggs: How about tomorrow night?
- Margie - Sweet Shop Clerk: I've got a date.
- Muggs: How about Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday night?
- Margie - Sweet Shop Clerk, Muggs: I've got a date.
- Muggs: Well, that kills that week.
- Muggs McGinnis: [Glimpy slams the door as they sneak out; Muggs yells] DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO BE...
- [whispers]
- Muggs McGinnis: quiet?
- Glimpy: [on the bus to camp] I'll fix them cops. I'll go to the country and get sick and die and come back and haunt them!
- Radio Announcer: We interrupt this program for an important announcement to listeners near Hillside and Colton: All citizens are warned to be on the lookout for The Monster Killer, who is believed to be in this vicinity. This maniac has left a trail of three inhuman murders, and is believed heading upstate. We return you now to your program.
- Muggs McGinnis: Monsters? That don't mean nothing to us. We eat 'em every morning for breakfast.
- Glimpy: Bring those monsters on. I ain't ascared of them. I'm anemic. I was taken for a ride once.
- Margie - Sweet Shop Clerk: You were?
- Glimpy: Yeah. There I was, miles from Time Square - somewhere in Central Park I think - and them gangsters, they had me backed against a tree, and they got machine guns, see, and they went...
- [makes machine gun noises]
- Glimpy: And what do you think happened?
- Margie - Sweet Shop Clerk: I don't know. What happened?
- Muggs McGinnis, Danny: He got killed.
- Glimpy: Fantastic, wasn't it?
- Muggs McGinnis: What're you looking for?
- Danny: Remember what we heard on the radio about that... that, that ghoul, that guy that sucks all the blood out of ya?
- Muggs McGinnis: What would he be doin' out here, suckin' the sap out of the trees?
- Glimpy: Hey, does the guy really suck all the blood out of ya?
- Danny: Yeah!
- Glimpy: Well, I got nothin' to worry about, 'cause the mosquitoes got all mine. Ow!
- [slaps neck]
- Glimpy: That was a Messerschmitt.
- Danny: Hey, what if he really was out here?
- Muggs McGinnis: What if you was back home?
- Danny: Yeah?
- Muggs McGinnis: Your old man 'ould give you a hit in the head like dat.
- [smacks Danny in the head]
- Danny: I ain't got an old man.
- [smacks Muggs back]
- Glimpy: The kid's an orphan.
- Glimpy: [after Muggs jumps up from the table] What's the matter?
- Muggs: There's a-a-a skeleton in there! He-he was laughing right in my face!
- Glimpy: Yeah? What's he so happy about?
- [looks in jar]
- Glimpy: A skull!
- Muggs: [to the others] Go ahead, go ahead, look, look for yourselves, go on! Go on!
- [everybody huddles around and sees nothing in the jar]
- Nardo: Good evening. I must apologize for the state of my home. It has been without occupants for many years.
- Muggs: Well-well, look, our buddy here's been hoit. We was goin' t'rough the cemetery taking a shortcut to town and somebody took a potshot at him.
- Nardo: How unfortunate. He should lie down.
- Muggs: Don't ya... think we oughta get a doctor?
- Nardo: Perhaps later. Come with me.
- Jeff Dixon: [with all six boys missing] Those kids have been nothing but trouble from the beginning. If they're lost, it's their own fault.
- Linda Mason: So you're going to sit there and let them roam the woods all night.
- [Jeff doesn't response]
- Linda Mason: Oh...
- Jeff Dixon: Hey, what are YOU gonna do?
- Linda Mason: If you're not man enough to go after them, I'll do it myself!
- Jeff Dixon: But... but, Linda...
- [she storms out]
- Man: Hey, maybe she's serious.
- Jeff Dixon: [smirks] She's been reading Florence Nightingale. She'll be back when she gets tired.
- Muggs: Hey, this looks like a place where the plot begins to thicken. Let's take a look and make sure.
- [an apparition confronts Nardo]
- Apparition: So, you couldn't stay away, could you? The criminal always returns to the scene of the crime.
- Nardo: Who... who are you?
- Apparition: You don't remember me, but twenty years ago in this very house I was a livin' being. I had flesh on my bones, blood flowed through my veins, but you... you... you scared the health out of me.
- Nardo: I was never in this house until tonight. You have made a mistake!
- Apparition: It is YOU who has made the mistake, my friend. For years you have wantonly taken the lives of millions; so, tonight I am going to take yours.
- [laughs maniacally]
- Muggs: Hey, I can see my date with Margie's gonna be as private as an Atlanta Street fish market on Friday.
- Scruno: [to Pee Wee] Pee Wee! Pee Wee! You ain't dead, is you? Say you ain't. If you can't say nothin' just shake your head.