The Dark Mile

This is an hour and a half of my life I'll never get back. The film tries to pretend it's scary - dramatic music and sudden jump cuts. But it's actually deadly boring. The plot seems to involve two lesbians taking a sailing trip along the Caledonian canal, but for much of the time they seem to be marooned along the same stretch of water. Their melodramatic behaviour and their interaction with the local inhabitants is laughable - apparently Scotland has no wi-fi and is populated by zombie-like mutants - or maybe that's the way they were told to act. Sheila Hancock will hang her head in shame - but at least no one had much dialogue to remember. Even the ending looks like it was staged on a special effects budget of £2.50.

Got a little bored but was too intrigued, so kept watching. Though going to have to watch the end again as I kept nodding off. Would put you off travelling around Scotland, and I'm Scottish😱