MartianOctocretr5

There is coming a new monument to the United States, similar in theme and design to Mount Rushmore, that of the oracle of wisdom Kody Brown. His carved image will, as always, be surrounded by the lesser images of four women all fawning over him like lemmings.

In the arena of the genre of so called "reality" TV, there is a vast wasteland of garbage and idiocy. However, some of these reality TV shows manage to slither into sewers and crevices even lower than the rest. Sister Wives, featuring Kody Brown the holy oracle of polygamy along with his patriarchal empire, is the epitome of moronic reality shows.

If this sloppy mess of distressed emotions and constant social conflict was meant to put polygamy in a good light, it fails miserably. Kody can make up phrases like "multiple marriage" to legitimize his world of confusion," but the reactions of his four wives (one legal and three he calls "spiritual") belie his false pretense of harmony and success. And multiple marriage means exactly the same thing that polygamy does.

Nothing is ever calm in the four neighboring households "on the cul- de-sac" that defines Kody's realm. None of his kids seem happy, and one by one are moving as far from him as they can get. The women are griping all the time, and of course, instead of blaming his royal highness they stage childish cat fights among themselves to increase his ego of having women fighting over him. Listening to their carefully prepared speech is irritating too; you can just see Kody's disheveled hair and squinty eyes staring at them threateningly while they talk.

One could go on and on about how trashy these people and their arrangement are. Suffice it to say there are many other TV channels you could be watching instead of these imbeciles.

I don't normally write comments about TV shows, but this garbage demands to be trashed.

We see a loud goof with delusions of grandeur sitting on a couch constantly talking about herself. Then we're shown some footage of her doing something stupid as she tells us how wonderful she is. The empress of her own imagination, Whitney, pontificates about how nobody should shame her, even as she mocks, ridicules, and argues with everyone around her. She thinks she is in a relationship, but the guy is obviously using her. Her ex co-owns a house and co-habitates with her. No, I'm not kidding.

She has a weight problem, weighing over 350 lbs., especially dangerous since she is dancer who ignores the weight and does intense dance practices. She lies to herself about the seriousness of her situation, and ignores all medical advice. She is a terrible role model, even though she has appointed herself as a Joan of Arc of morbidly obese people.

There is no reason to watch this show, and no reason for TLC to run it.

The creatures in this movie remind me of Bigfoot and Nessie. Somebody's always talking about seeing them, and showing grainy picture of a shadow to prove the encounter. But, for some reason, these giants are shy and like to wander around in the dark where nobody ever sees them clearly.

With a title like Monsters, and an elaborate backstory about these things revealed through narration, you would expect to eventually see what these things are. It's common practice in this type of movie to conceal what they look like for a while, and let them be scary as an unknown threat, but the audience expects to see them at some point. This movie just teases you by hiding their appearance way too long for its own good.

After a while, the movie forgets all about the creatures, and bores you to death with a goofy couple who are not interesting or sympathetic. They're just annoying and tiresome to look at. Neither one has positive attributes, and you wish the creatures would show up just to squish them. They talk and talk about essentially nothing, and you never learn anything about them, nor do you ever care.

So we see the two bozos get themselves into stupid contrived situations that bring them into danger, but they must have bored the monsters too, because you still don't get to see them. Scene after scene of this dysfunctional couple, but little else ever happens. To make it worse, Every single pointless thing they do is dragged out.

The ending is a dud, too, although from the way it's shot, it's obvious the writer and director thought they had revealed something groundbreaking to you. They don't. Unless you like "so bad they're good" type movies to poke fun at, avoid this one.