Apologetickid

I'm not a prude. I swear I'm not! I believe there is a place in film for violence, eroticism, language, and gore. But I'm also not afraid to call a spade a spade and point out filth where I see it. There is so much garbage in the world today. You don't have to watch a horror film to be horrified. Just turn on the news. And then someone goes and makes a film like this. A film with absolutely no redeeming value whatsoever. A film whose plot is entirely based on someone's off color joke about a suitable punishment for sex offenders (this is true. Read the Wikipedia article). A despicable piece of garbage which makes you wonder how someone who would want to make a film like this could ever be offered a camera with which to film it. The concept of the film is neither interesting nor creative. It's just gross. And "gross" should never be a reason to make a film. Good entertainment, in my opinion, should either enlighten or encourage. Even dark films or horror films have the ability to enlighten. But Human Centipede does nothing worth mentioning in a positive manner. It's just trash. Pure absolute filth. Beyond the shock factor, lies a lackluster film with crappy acting and ridiculous dialog. You don't care about the characters because there is no background for which to care. The filmmakers here failed at every aspect of their craft. Do yourself a favor and do not watch this film. In fact, if you ever meet me, please punch me in the face. I deserve it for having stupidly sat through this deplorable piece of rubbish.

I watched two Uwe Boll movies in the past 24 hours (the other being Rampage) most primarily because they were both available for free streaming through Netflix as a result of their direct-to-video release (which is not a good sign). Let me say, unequivocally that Uwe Boll should never be allowed to direct another film. Period! He has besmirched the good names of countless video game franchises, and now he has taken a stab at a serious story. Prison movies have a knack for being easy home-runs for directors (see Shawshank Redemption, Escape from Alcatraz, American History X, The Green Mile, etc.) But somehow, Boll has ineptly chosen a story which relies almost entirely on shock-value to upset the viewer into thinking they have watched something of substance. At its best the film is ridiculous, and at its worst it borders on "gore porn." By the way, where the heck are the prison guards? I have a friend or two who have spent some time in lock-up, and they've informed me that it's nearly impossible to pick your nose without a C.O. peeking in on you. The idea that these guys somehow turned their cell into a 10 hour non-stop torture oasis is laughable. It just couldn't happen. The story makes no sense. There are an infinite number of bad stories out there, but only a handful of directors incompetent enough to think of making one into a movie. The reason this film gets two stars rather than one is because Edward Furlong reminds me of his hey-day in T2: Judgment Day. That, and that alone, is the redeeming factor in this film.

This movie was horrific. The best part of this movie was when my cat took a dump and it smelled up the apartment. Because at least that made me laugh. I somehow this movie got listed as a "comedy" on Netflix. It is far from comedic. It's not funny, and not really very good. It's nice and sad, which will play into your emotions, but it's also ridiculously vulgar (generally unnecessarily so). It's interesting to see someone approach the idea of the glorification of the dead. Sometimes you hear a eulogy for someone and you have to go, "Hmm...this person was actually a jerk in reality. Why are people saying such nice things about them." But beyond that, this film is dry, dirty, and bland. I don't recommend it.