soncoman

Ladies and Gentlemen, the first $180,000,000, two hour and fourteen-minute-long anti-littering commercial.

More of a rerun than a rebirth, there isn't a scintilla of originality in this film. Greedy corporate villain? Check. Plucky adventurer/mercenary? Check. Geeky do-gooder scientist? Check. Sea captain with a heart of gold? Check. Disposable crew? Check. Kids in peril? Check.

Add one Steven-Spielberg-cute dino-pet and you got yourself a summer film.

That doesn't mean it isn't entertaining in a B-movie sort of way, but it goes on too long and gets repetitive real fast. How many times can you out run the tyrannovelocibrontotricerabrachiospinosaurus?

Plenty, apparently.

There are a lot of good actors slumming here (Mahershala Ali? MAHERSHALA ALI?!) for what I'm sure were substantial paychecks, and I can't argue with its anti-big pharma message, but it's really nothing more than your average summer popcorn movie.

Most annoyingly, it repeats the same fatal flaw that plagued the first "Jurassic Park".

No children are eaten.

Good Wes Anderson or bad Wes Anderson?

Middling Wes Anderson.

Better than "Asteroid City" but nowhere near the quality of "The Royal Tenenbaums" or even "The Grand Budapest Hotel".

To Anderson's credit, he may be the most "cinematic" director working today, but he's getting realllllly repetitive in both style and substance. I had high hopes after a really interesting opening scene, but...

It's great to see Benecio Del Toro back on screen in a substantive role, and there are good performances by Mia Threapleton and especially Michael Cera, but the rest of his "all-star cast" are reduced to meaningless cameos.

It's as if he's taking the Mike Todd "Around the World in 80 Days" approach where the audience can play "Spot the Star" instead of really investing in the story, which is ok I guess because Anderson really hasn't invested much in the story either.

It's interesting how the credits roll with images of great works of art. So many masterpieces are displayed, but the film is just paint-by-numbers.

Look, I like a gay rom-com featuring a plus-size guy in the lead as much as anyone, but why, oh, why does that character have to be so annoying?

What's even more annoying than the character is the fact that the guy who plays him also wrote and directed the movie. I guess if you're gonna write a movie to star yourself, it might as well be a fantasy in which you land the hot guy no matter how much of a loser you are.

Writer-director-actor Max Talisman plays Zach, who after being dumped by one hottie, immediately meets-cute with another (well as cute as ordering and downing a drink you know you can't pay for can be) - coincidentally also named Zach (Joey Pollari) - and, despite many complications, ends landing him after serenading him at his sister's high school prom.

Don't ask.

While the script has a few nice moments, and some veteran actors have a few nice moments, too (Eric Roberts, Barbara Barrie), it's tough to get past the protagonist being a wastrel/jerk.

It's not that wastrels don't deserve to find love (I still hope to some day), it's just that I don't need to sit in a theater and watch it.

Neither do you.