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If you've ever wondered what a mob movie would look like if it were drained of all life, creativity, and purpose, look no further than Alto Knights. This 2025 abortion, directed by Barry Levinson and written by Nicholas Pileggi, takes a genre that once thrived on tension and charisma and turns it into a tedious, directionless slog. Robert De Niro is in a dual role as rival mob bosses Vito Genovese and Frank Costello, it failed to showcase of his legendary talent of playing himself but delivers a gimmick so flat it's borderline insulting. What could have been a gritty dive into 1950s mob rivalries instead feels like a tired rehash of better films, limping along with no soul, no spark, and no reason to exist. Deniro's dual performance as Genovese and Costello is a gimmick that fails in every way. As Genovese, he's slathered in prosthetics and a laughable accent, doing a bargain-bin Joe Pesci impression that's more caricature than character. As Costello, he's so subdued he might as well be napping, delivering lines with all the enthusiasm of a man reading the phone book. Pileggi, the writer behind Goodfellas and Casino, seems to have lost his touch. Alto Knights drowns in exposition, leaning on De Niro's voice-over to narrate every plot point rather than letting the story show itself. Its not a film and more a lecture. Characters don't develop; they're just mouthpieces for historical bs just over two hours, Alto Knights somehow manages to feel both rushed and endless. It tries to cram in decades of mob lore but skips the meaty conflicts, leaving a trail of half-formed characters and stakes no one cares about. The pacing is so lethargic it makes watching paint dry seem thrilling-scenes drag on with pointless dialogue, then lurch abruptly to the next beat with no rhyme or reason. Levinson, a director who once dazzled with Rain Man and Wag the Dog, seems adrift, his camera swinging wildly as if trying to wake itself up. Debra Messing and Kathrine Narducci are stuck in thankless roles Messing as Costello's wife, Bobbie, reduced to fussing over dogs and staring at the TV. It's a criminal waste of talent, but then, waste is this film's defining trait. The period details, usually a highlight in mob dramas, are half baked, as if the 1950s props were getting hard to come by. Perhaps the worst sin of Alto Knights is its redundancy. Mob movies have been done to death, and this one offers nothing new. No fresh angle, no bold twist, not even a heartfelt nod to the classics. Now that there are no longer any De Niro die hards because he has been an unhinged loser for some time now nobody will find a flicker of enjoyment in the familiar haze of fedoras and cigar smoke. If you want a mob movie, re-watch Godfather 1/2 and Goodfellas and the like. This one's just a stale, overcooked reheating of mushy mob pasta no one asked for.

Snow White is a soulless, over budget reshot mess of an abomination that butchers a timeless classic. Rachel Zegler's wooden Snow White oozes all the charm of a damp rag, while Gal Gadot's Evil Queen screeches through off-key musical numbers that'll make your ears bleed - a shrieking caricature, warbling tunelessly in musical numbers so atrocious they could curdle milk from across the room. Gadot's performance is less 'regal menace' and more "Karaoke night gone wrong." The CGI dwarfs look like uncanny valley rejects, and the plot is a bloated, preachy mess that drowns any hint of magic in a swamp of corporate cynicism. A grotesque insult to the original skip this rubbish and save your sanity.

Captain Slop-ica is a cinematic misfire that proves even vibranium shield cant protect a franchise from crumbling under its own weight. Bloated, preachy slog more interested in checking diversity boxes than crafting a coherent story. The action is erratic, the dialogue clunks like a jalopy with a blown engine, and the villain 'twist' is so predictable it is borderline parody. Harrison Ford's grumpy Thunderbolt Ross makes it clear Ford just wants a paycheck for doing nothing of value. Garbage tier propaganda pamphlet masquerading as a superhero flick. Marvel brave new world? More like a tired old mess. Brought to you by Carl's Junior. Also, thanks Mackie, for ruining this and Altered Carbon.