alexvojacek

Let's talk about Insidious: The Red Door, or as it should be aptly renamed, 'Insidious: A Guide to Napping.' This cinematic marvel has redefined the horror genre into something truly horrific: a cure for insomnia.

Every so-called jumpscare? I spotted those from another time zone. The most intriguing characters must have been playing hide and seek because they were nowhere to be found. Instead, we're saddled with Dalton and Chris, characters so devoid of charisma, they make a cardboard cutout look like a Shakespearean hero.

Dalton, our 'hero', has the emotional range of a teaspoon on a good day. Watching him attempt to convey feelings is like observing a robot trying to understand human emotions - a valiant effort but ultimately, a fail. And Chris? She seems to be in the movie for the sole purpose of filling the diversity quota and to offer a walking, talking reminder: 'We're inclusive! Look!'

These two could have single-handedly sunk the Titanic with their on-screen chemistry, or lack thereof. But let's not put all the blame on them - the movie itself is like a tranquilizer dart to the senses. A swirling vortex of boredom that sucks you into a state of catatonic disinterest.

When the highlight of your movie experience is the popcorn you ate, you know you've stumbled upon a cinematic masterpiece - of the sleeping aid variety. I fell asleep twice trying to watch it, which is quite the achievement considering I was actively trying to pay attention.

So, if you're in desperate need of a sleep aid, 'Insidious: The Red Door' is your ticket to dreamland. Just don't expect any nightmares, unless you count the nightmare of realizing you can't get those hours of your life back."

PS: the movie is so undeserving that I asked ChatGPT to help me do this review. I guess even an AI can understand how bad the movie is. At this point, even ChatGPT can make a better script.

I will save you the trouble of watching this crap.

• If you came to this movie to see Taissa Farmiga ALONE, you may have some 1 minute scene of this beautiful lady talking without the nun costume out of 1 hour and 36 minutes of horse crap.

• If you came to this movie to see a horror movie, please, by all means, quit.

There is absolutely nothing of redeeming value on this movie. Getting scared is not something that you will feel, not in the least, there is absolutely NOTHING to be scared of, besides dying of boredom.

Some scenes were so ludicrous and stupid that I wanted to really kick my TV and cancel HBO Max just because.

The move is so far fetched with the nonsense that makes it impossible for you to even connect with what is happening, everything is completely OUT of place. Creatures appears our of nowhere, for no reason other than trying to scare you, and it's jumpscare-one-liners-jumpscare-jumpscare-one-lines.... nuns will turn into monsters in a flip of an eye, zombies are seen through the movie, for no reason.. I was only expecting to see aliens and werevolves, just because.

The movie has no plot whatsoever. It's just some random demon called valak that behaves like an internet throll about 100% of the time and everyone else running away, praying and/or screaming.

The director of this travesty should really retire and live the rest of his life outside of society so nobody have to endure ever again anything remotely similar to this.

If only we get to see a little more acting from Taissa Farmiga, but she couldn't do much with this atrocity that was handed to her. I feel sad that she participated in this.

I will give it 2 out of 10 only because Taissa Farmiga was in it, but it is not enough justification to watch it. It's the perfect example of everything wrong with hollywood.