sparklefish

I was so excited to watch this movie. I love costume dramas, I really liked Joaquin Phoenix in other movies, I enjoy this time period and French History, and I was ready to be swept away with emotion. Instead I got bored to tears and couldn't focus anymore past the two hour mark.

The pacing of this movie is so slow. Joaquin Phoenix is one-note. No charisma. Obviously the real Napoleon must have had tremendous charisma to inspire such a following, and the way he's portrayed here, no one would have followed him. He's weird and watching him interact with Josephine was just uncomfortable. The sex scenes weren't sexy, just pointless.

The supporting characters were not distinct enough from each other for me to tell them apart or remember their names. The historical context was lacking and the plot just jumped forward in time without explaining why or how enemies became allies or allies became enemies.

The scenery was stunning and the costumes were very well done. I liked the soundtrack.

I didn't like it all all and gave up after about an hour. I didn't like the whole premise of a grammar school teacher sleeping with her student's married father and then imposing herself on their family vacation, even going so far as to sleep in their cabin. It wasn't cute, romantic, or funny, it was disgusting.

Laure Calamy is a fine actress and I have enjoyed her performances in Call My Agent and other movies. She still does a great job in this role. It's just a sucky role.

One nice thing was the pretty scenery of hills and meadows so I am rating this movie two stars.

I watched it in French with English subtitles.

No, just no.

So this film was available on Cohen Media, which usually has quality content. Plus, the flick has a 7.5 star average here on IMDB, which is good, right? I mean, all these reviewers can't be wrong...except for when they are.

The movie starts with a dead body. Ok, that's promising. I love a murder mystery storyline. Then we get a quirky detective interrogating a loner/recluse suspect named Monsieur Hire, and I'm enjoying the suspense.

Mr. Hire is shown in flashbacks watching his across-the-street neighbor, Alice, as she walks around her apartment in her undergarments. She's got a nice body and the scenes remind me of the guy watching the dancer neighbor in Rear Window.

The young woman sees Mr Hire creepily perving on her and decides he's sweet and she wants to meet him.

Like that's totally normal.

Is anyone else in Mr Hire's apartment building also watching Alice? Logic says there is, since Alice has no curtains, but we aren't shown any other Peeping Toms.

Oh, and Alice makes love to her boyfriend Emile while watching Mr Hire watch them through the window.

We see another flashback of Mr Creeper- I mean Mr Hire-assaulting a prostitute in a steam room after he tells her a morbid story.

Mr. Hire keeps cute little white mice as pets and he possibly kills one or maybe it died naturally, I couldn't tell because the movie is ambiguous . He makes a little fabric coffin for the dead mouse and throws it in the river. What is this all about? I have no idea.

Alice the sexy neighbor visits Mr. Hire and sits on his couch, and he barks angrily at her to leave and then erotically sniffs the spot on the couch where she sat.

Gross!

That's as far as I got. My nausea took over and I didn't want to watch any more.