User Name: � deheor
Location: dancing with your grandma while eating a lightly salted hamLikes: 70's and 80's horror films, early punk music, anything Cronenberg, forgotten films,clog dancing, throwing rocks at old people, shaved pandas, Russ Meyer movies, short people who try to start bar fights (cracks me up everytime),Clive Barker novels,really cool comb overs,Anything Argento, and plaid pantsDislikes: Adam Sandler movies, people who fly into a rage whenever the name Uwe Boll is mentioned, old people who don't like having rocks thrown at them,I am not wearing any pants as I write this-just thought you would want to know,barebone dvds released 6 months before special editions just to make sure that everyone buys the same movie twice,people who don't laugh while watching Caddyshack but do while watching Happy Gilmore,athletes who feel that 5 million a year is an insult, anyone who can get married - divorced - and married again all in the same year,the fact that Keira Knightley has gotten to appear in a dozen major movies but the real star of Bend it like Beckham is stuck on a tv series that is long past its prime and is limping to the finish line (sure its nice that Parminder can act but if only she were cute, white and were capable of really vacant facial expressions),the fact that most Greydon Clark movies are not available anymore, big jerks who try to lie about their family even though it is obvious that they are full of crap,peoples lack of trust in me when I try to convince them that the movie and subsequent broadway play 'Footloose' was actually based very loosely on my Grandparents adventures in World War II Germany, every moron who ever did something stupid to injure themselves and still had the nerve to sue someone else,the fact that no matter how hard I stare I can not make womens blouses pop open like Scott Baio did in that cool movie "Zapped",The fact that Danny Bonaduce is a lunatic but his career is still in better shape than Susan Dey's, people who make really neat (and only somewhat dangerous) toys be pulled from the market because potentially something might happen to really dumb children,the fact that Jessica Alba can list actress as her occupation on her tax forms and not be arrested for lying on her return,the fact that no one watched Arrested Development (R.I.P. Damn you, damn you all to hell,a little harsh but it just had to be said),fact that John Carpenter has not directed a film since 2001,getting a deep kiss from a crazy homeless guy at a bus stop, the fact that war is a terrible thing but it has inspired so many great video games I have to support it,the fact that Chevy Chase is not longer considered a movie star,people who can't remember any movie that is more than 10 years old, waking up after a night of heavy drinking next to a 300 transvestite named Waldo,people who figure that if a actress is cute she must be talented (I'm looking at you Jessica Alba fans I mean come on, the girl makes Misty Mundae look like Meryl Streep), anyone who is easily offended, people who will say that something tastes like poop despite the fact that they never actually tasted poop - for all we know poop might actually taste like chicken,the fact that few apartment buildings allow horses,any woman over either 25 years or 250 pounds who wears a midriff baring shirt (its for skinny teens not chubby adults okay), anyone who adjusts their car engine to make it louder,DJ's who refuse to play polka music on top 40 stations, policeofficers who refuse to accept the existance of the norweigan tradition "pantless tuesdays",ordering a boston cream donut and getting one filled with lint and snot (has not happened yet, but if it did I am reasonably sure I would not like it), white rappers,suburban punkers (if you are white and from the suburbs either play Rock or learn to dance in formation),people who dance in formation (hey I didn't tell you to do it, I just suggested it as a option, you made the wrong choice buddy), sequels that contradict the original film,the fact the penis is effected so strongly by the cold,people who assume a movie is bad if its a remake,people who assume any movie with Ethan Hawke is really deep,when an indian catches me littering and I have to pick it up to stop his damn crying,when I get hate mail for using the term indian, when I get hate mail for littering, when I get hate mail for littering from an indian, being rejected by the crazy homeless guy at the bus stop as he deep kisses the person standing right next to me, people who have failed to notice that Woody Allen has not made a half decent film in almost twenty years,the fact that using the cute term "little dumplin' butt'" is considered inappropriate when talking to a female cop,if you are still reading this than you are more bored than I am,the fact that the village people only got to make one movie,the fact that Jennifer Lopez got to make more than one movie, the fact that most women can not be seduced by suggestive dance no matter how hard I gyrate (and trust me, this boy can gyrate),the fact that Shaun Majumder is still doing his stand up in dinner theaters and Rob Schneider continues to make really crappy movies, the simpsons in its 35th season is still fresher and funnier than any episode of 2 and a half men, not being able to locate a phantom smells origin, people who have only watched Gone in 60 seconds who assume Nick Cage can't act, when pathetically bad movies get sequels (Mission Impossible 3 and Fantastic Four 2), when great ones don't (Streets of fire, Buckaroo Banzai) and really hot looking women with large breasts and a lot of money who refuse to go out with someone simply because they are ugly, overweight, smell badly and have a really cool comb over, I mean really how superficial can some people be. [black]crapfests that caused internal bleeding when I attempted to watch
Big Daddy -This movie seems to hate its audience almost as much as I hate it.
Fantastic Four -Wow, this makes the Corman version look brilliant
Closer -It's only close to sucking
Pretty Woman -Hooking, it does a body good
Solaris (remake) -dull, dull, deadly DULL
Master of Disguise -where have you been Dana Carvey and when are you going back?
Super Mario Brothers -lamest videogame movie ever
Armageddon -does it really take less time to teach oil workers to be astronauts than teach astronauts to drill a hole?
War of the Worlds (remake)-2 hrs of running away, 5 min. of fighting back.
V for Vendetta -beware Portman's shifting accent and try to figure out how the government stayed in power for so long after they are sunk by a five minute diatribe delivered a year earlier during a brief news interruption. Have they never heard of propaganda? How could they not have figured out a response? Man I hate this movie![/black]
My Top List (since everyone else has one and damn it, I just want to be a funky cool cat)
1. Citizen Kane (1941) Believe the hype
2. Olvidados, Los (1950) The kids long before KIDS
3. The Exorcist (1973) The perfect horror film
4. Star Wars (1977) -Perfect Sci-fi
5. A Christmas Story (1983) Not only hilarious but so very real
6. The Stunt Man (1980) -O'Toole is flawless
7. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) My favourite Kubrick effort
8. Solyaris (1972) -Avoid the remake at all costs
9. Videodrome -One hell of a mind *beep* Cronenberg�s best
10. The Birth of a Nation (1915) Remarkable film but so very wrong
11. Requiem for a Dream (2000) -Most fun you will ever have being depressed
12. Airplane! (1980) no Feet
13. The Devil's Rejects (2005) It bitch slaps natural born killers
14. Boot, Das (1981) Best war film ever
15. Halloween (1978) -Scary Shatner face is coming
16. 8MM (1999) The best Cage performance ever
17 King Kong (1933) -Can't beat the original
18. The Big Lebowski (1998) Bowling is cool
19. Streets of Fire (1984) WOULD YOU JUST WATCH THE DAMN FILM!
20. Adaptation. (2002) Amazing performances
WARNING
If anyone reads more than 3 of my posts I will undoubtably write something that annoys you. Please keep in mind that I have no interest in either offending anyone or starting a flame war. If I post something that really bothers you please feel free to private message me and if I crossed the line, will remove it. Of course, if I don't think I crossed the line, I will dance around while pointing and laughing.
Thanks
May your forehead grow like the mighty oak 
