rusties

This wasn't a terrible movie and certainly beats any of the other recent Jason sagas to come out but when compared to the original it so clearly follows (part 2 by the way, not the first one) it's clear that it doesn't fill all the elements that made part 2 the way it was. I'd like to start off by saying that Friday the 13th Part 2 is on of the greatest horror films ever made not because of the story. The story is predictable and slow. But because of the editing and directing where everything had the perfect timing to make the bravest person jump out of their seats constantly. Jason himself in that movie still goes down as one of the scariest looking villains in a horror film. The acting wasn't overacted and the makers of Part 2 created one of the most perfect horror films ever made.

This film tries to recreate the story but falls flat on the timing and acting to really be convincing and as scary as the original. It isn't a terrible film and is pretty amusing at times. The acting was well acted and so I lay the blame on the director of this film who made it predictable and slow. Jason himself just didn't carry that scary persona like he did in the original Friday the 13th and Part 2 and as a result the film itself just wasn't that fun to watch. Perhaps a film like this is just to impossible to remake without losing the beauty behind the first Jason films.

Even still, to be fair, compared to most horror movies released today this movie is a blessing. Using semi-well known horror actors with some talent such as Padalecki and Pababaker instead of casting well known actors that don't fit the part separate this film from just about any other horror film made since Saw. With the exception of Jason (who was about as scary looking as my grandmother) the art direction, scene, and costuming helped play an important role in helping this film succeed. Overall, perhaps not quite a film that all should see in theaters but at the very least a film true Jason fans should check out when it's released to the small screen.

True, there are many movies much worse then this movie. This movie was no Manos: The Hands of Fate, or Troll 2 (yes, I have seen them both.. twice) but at the same time this movie is No Alien, Predator or even Alien Vs. Predator (Yes, even that movie surpassed this). Movies like this make Battlefield Earth look like a Star Wars it is so bad. Razzie awards lookout, your biggest competition has just arrived in theaters. This film I'm talking about is of course Alone in the Dark. I'll try to take you though a step by step process on why this film was so bad.

Acting- I'll first start off with what perhaps was the best component of this film (next to the ending credits, which played 'Wish I had An Angel', the acting. Christian Slater must be proud of himself, he successfully proved that it is possible to act decent in a film worse then drinking antifreeze. Though all his awful dialog he had to speak, it made me wonder why he just didn't walk off the set halfway. Perhaps it was because of Stephen Dorff being in the film as well (somebody he wishes he could be but fails at it). Tara Reid is a bad actress but good looking and that's all that really matters in films like these. That is not to say the acting was perfect though, it was average, not good, and perhaps the only thing in the film not good.

The Soundtrack- Except for 'Wish I had An Angel', the soundtrack is pointless and bad heavy medal being pumped into the viewers ears, perhaps to disguise the awful story (something I will get to soon). A long and very expensive 2 CD soundtrack is now up for sale for those musically challenged.

The Directing- Directed by Hollywoods favorite director Uwe Ball who brought us the classic House of the Dead. Telling us "Yes, movies can get this utterly bad and that's just the beginning to my deadly saga of awful movies". At least it is said to be directed by Uwe Ball. Without being told I would have guessed a monkey was kidnapped from the Congo, brought here and forced to make opinions on how to make the movie under penalty of being shocked. The director of photography was probably a camcorder taped onto a skateboard and pushed forward until it hits a wall. On the scenes where the camera should stay still it is constantly moving, not allowing us to stop anywhere and when it should be moving in action, the camera stops for some reason.

The Producing- Who on earth is stupid enough to put money towards this bomb? I pity the fool... sometimes. Sometimes I'm glad he or she was taught such a lesson to never put money towards garbage worse then dog dung tied up in a bag.

The Writing / Storyboard- Trying to Analise the story is more painful then jamming an ice pick under a big toe and kicking a soccer ball as hard as I possibly could with it right after but I will still attempt it.

Edward Carnby escapes as a child from an orphanage where 20 children where to go under science experiments. He escapes and hides in an electrical outlet where he is electrocuted (this is the point where it got so bad i started to laugh out loud). Then it fast-forwards many years later where he's a paranoia detective. He get's attacked by some zombie that can't be shot to death, kills it and moves on with life. Later on he gets attacked by some crazy looking monster and he discovers secrets that nobody else knows.

Yeah, the plot is bad, really really bad. The film beings with expecting us to read approximately 10 minutes, which felt like 100, of random text about an untrue civilization called the Abskani. The film goes not to have one twist after another, more then the audience can handle, more then the audience wants to handle, more then the audience could ever care about. This storyline is rock bottom bad that even Double Dragon does better.

Overall, miss out on this movie. I gave it a 1 out of 10 but that is because there is no 0.