dob-2

I'm a sucker for this kind of movie - low-budget Conan-knockoff sword and sandal movies. I enjoyed the Deathstalker series, except for the most painful moments, and this is very reminiscent of that, but of significantly lower quality (yeah, I know, that is hard to imagine).

The story is fine for this kind of thing - two princesses, each with a magic sword, battling to control a kingdom, with sidekicks, etc., and lone swordsman shows up to help.

Good bits: There are some semi-unexpected plot twists, although sometimes they're surprising more for the lack of any backstory to fill them in, and they often don't go anywhere. The guy playing the adviser to the queen, Seamus (inexplicably pronounced See-mus) at least tries to act. The swordfights, though semi-stilted, end with actual blood on the swords, which I always appreciate, since so many movies fail at that. The men are strong, the women nubile, the costumes OK. I liked the lady who could smell anything, too, and wished she'd actually done something in the movie. The two tortured guards were kinda funny, too. Some of the writing is passable/OK, though often it's lost in delivery or just in confusion. The oddly-apostrophed Ernst May'r does OK, too.

Bad bits: The dialogue. The acting. The direction. The cinematography. The DVD transfer. The S&M costumes. Lots of masks, so they can reuse the warrior guys even after they die. In fact, often they show three guys running the woods, and then six end up dying in the battle.

Unanswered questions: Why is the Fiona apparently only about five years younger than her mother, Neema? And why does she have a French accent, when nobody else does? Why'd they leave her in a trance guarded by three guys in a tent? On the other hand, since the population of this kingdom is about twelve, maybe three would be enough. Was horned-helmet creation all there was to the magic swords, after all?

Some of these are fun to watch, even if it's only to ridicule. This is probably a step below that for most folks.

Every once in a while, a movie comes along that everybody decides to hate but which is actually not too bad. Waterworld was this way - it was a silly, unrealistic action movie, but it worked fine to pass a couple of hours.

Cutthroat Island is exactly this way. I enjoyed it; I didn't care about realism, acting, character development, or anything like that, nor did I expect to find them in the movie. I went because there were buckles to be swashed, cutlasses to be swung, ropes to be swung from, and cannons to be fired, and all of those were available in plenty.

It's mindless, but fun. No great art, but good action. Just take the right attitude, and don't get all artsy and you'll be fine.

One word - corny. Everything in this movie was corny. The bad guys were cornily bad, spouting evil threats and shooting their minions on a whim (why would anybody work for an evil dictator?). The good guys were corny, stopping to kiss even as their shuttle is crashing or the world is ending. The script was super-corny, but I think they were trying for that effect.

However, the movie worked for me. It was not a memorable movie, but it was fun to watch. The acting was OK, even though they were playing stock characters and had dumb lines to say. The plot and science were preposterous, but they aren't the point of the movie. The action sequences were OK, and there are some genuinely funny parts, intentional and otherwise. You just have to expect a campy low-budget sci-fi movie, and if you go into it with low expectations, you'll be OK.