- Agent Stone: I just thought you might like a latte with steamed Austrian goat milk.
- Dr. Robotnik: What do I look like, an imbecile? Of course I want a latte. I LOVE THE WAY YOU MAKE THEM!
- Dr. Robotnik: I was spitting out formulas while you were spitting up formula.
- Tom: I was breastfed, actually.
- Dr. Robotnik: Nice. Rub that in my orphan face.
- Sonic the Hedgehog: [from trailer] Oh, my God! Stop the car right now!
- Tom Wachowski: What? What?
- Sonic the Hedgehog: [sees sign] "The World's Largest Rubber Band Ball"? We gotta see it!
- Tom Wachowski: No, no. This is not some fun family road tr-
- [sees Sonic isn't there. He suddenly comes back, with souvenirs]
- Sonic the Hedgehog: Eh, you were right. It was lame. Gift shop was cool, though.
- Dr. Robotnik: Are you in charge here?
- Major Bennington: Yes I a...
- Dr. Robotnik: Nope!
- Major Bennington: My...
- Dr. Robotnik: Wrong!
- Major Bennington: Na...
- Dr. Robotnik: I'M IN CHARGE!
- Major Bennington: Is Major...
- Dr. Robotnik: ME!
- Major Bennington: Benn...
- Dr. Robotnik: [whispers] I'm in charge!
- Dr. Robotnik: [Agent Stone shows his "badge"] You've never seen anything like this before. It says I'm the top banana in a world full of hungry little monkeys. Allow me to clarify.
- [makes servo noise and turns]
- Dr. Robotnik: In a sequentially ranked hierarchy based on level of critical importance, the disparity between us is to vast to quantify. Agent Stone?
- Agent Stone: The doctor thinks your basic.
- Dr. Robotnik: I'm initiating a sweep sequence. Ten miles in every direction should suffice.
- [presses buttons and the top of the truck opens up egg drones]
- Dr. Robotnik: Is he still looking at me funny?
- Agent Stone: Yes, he is.
- Dr. Robotnik: Tell him to stop, or I'll pull up his search history.
- Agent Stone: If you don't stop looking at the doctor, he'll take a closer look at your...
- Major Bennington: I'm not deaf.
- Dr. Robotnik: And tell him his men report to me now. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah.
- Major Bennington: Excuse me? Listen, pal, I don't know if you realize who...
- Dr. Robotnik: I'm sorry, Major. What was your name?
- Major Bennington: Benning...
- Dr. Robotnik: NOBODY CARES!
- Sonic the Hedgehog: Your egg drones are impressive, Mr. Eggman! But let's face it. You'll never catch me!
- Dr. Robotnik: Confidence. A fool's substitute for intelligence!
- Dr. Robotnik: I don't mean to be indelicate here, but someone should get some ice, keep the body fresh. He was just a silly little alien! He didn't belong here!
- Tom: That little alien knew more about being human than you ever will! His name was Sonic! This was his home! And he was my friend.
- [arrives on Earth]
- Tails: If these readings are accurate, he's here. I've found him. I just hope I'm not too late.
- Sonic: I'm wet, I'm cold, there's a fish on my head, and clearly I'm not gonna be able to do this on my own!
- [Dr. Robotnik corners Sonic, Tom and Maddie]
- Sonic: That's not good.
- Tom: Uh, Sonic? I know you've got the super-speed, and everything, but Maddie and I?
- Sonic: Totally defenseless? Probably gonna get blown up?
- Maddie: Pretty much, yeah.
- Sonic: Don't worry. I know exactly what to do.
- [pushes Tom and Maddie off the tower]
- Dr. Robotnik: I was not expecting that. But I was expecting to not expect something, so it doesn't count.
- Sonic: This is MY power, and I'm not using it to run away anymore! I'm using it to protect my friends!
- Sonic: So, as I crashed into the cold dark water of the Pacific, I realized a few things: A - I have no idea where I'm going. B - Salt water stings. C - I shouldn't even be on this planet right now, but I am! Why? Because you shot me!
- Tom: I know.
- Sonic: YOU SHOT ME!
- Tom: All right. I heard you the first time. You don't have to pile it on. Good grief.
- [first lines]
- [Dr. Robotnik chases Sonic through San Francisco]
- Sonic: So, I know what you're thinking: Why is that incredibly handsome hedgehog being chased by a madman with a mustache from the Civil War? Well, to be honest, it feels like I've been running my whole life. Is this too much? Am I going too fast? It's kinda what I do. You know what? Let's back up!
- [goes to Sonic's childhood]
- Sonic: [takes down Dr. Robotnik's truck] Is that all you got?
- Dr. Robotnik: No, but thank you for asking.
- [deploys vehicles from his truck]
- Sonic: Uh-oh.
- Dr. Ivo Robotnik: Is he still looking at me funny?
- Agent Stone: Yes, he is.
- Dr. Ivo Robotnik: Tell him to stop, or I'll pull up his search history.
- Dr. Robotnik: [stranded] Here's the sitch: Uninhabited planet, no resources, no supplies, no apparent way home. A lesser man would die here. I'll be home by Christmas.
- Dr. Robotnik: And nobody cares how proud your mommy is that you're now read at a 3rd grade level. Have you finished Charlotte's Web yet? Spoiler alert; she dies at the end. But she leaves a big creepy egg sac.
- [egg drones fly out of the truck]
- Dr. Robotnik: Ah, my babies. Whoo! Look what came out of my egg sac.
- Tom: All right, there's gonna be rules on this trip. Number one: do exactly as I say all the time. Got it?
- Sonic: Got it, Donut Lord.
- Tom: Would you stop with the "Donut Lord"? I have a name. It's Tom.
- Sonic: I'm Sonic.
- Tom: Sonic... Sonic. So you've been spying on us all years?
- Sonic: I mean, I wouldn't call it spying. We were all just hanging out only I wasn't invited and no one knew that I was there.
- Tom: I can't believe Crazy Carl was right all this time.
- Sonic: Yeah, you should call him Super Observant Carl instead!
- Tom: Uh-huh.
- Sonic: Oh, my God! Stop the car right now!
- Tom: What? What?
- Sonic: "The World's Largest Rubber Band Ball"? We gotta see it!
- Tom: No, no, no! This is not some family road trip, okay? The government wants to dissect you and arrest me! This is serious!
- [Sonic runs out of the truck and then back in one second with souvenirs]
- Sonic: Eh, you were right. It was lame. Gift shop was cool, though. I got you a mouse pad. When are we gonna get there?
- Tom: We will get there when we get there!
- Sonic: The floors were sticky, the crowd was rough, and the odds were against us, but there was no stopping Donut Lord and the Blue Blur!
- [Sonic plays baseball with himself, but it doesn't work out]
- Sonic: I really am alone. All alone. Forever.
- Sonic: [from trailer] I'm Sonic. A little ball of super energy, in an extremely handsome package. On my planet, people were always after my powers. So I came to yours. It gets a little lonely, but that's okay. I am living my best life on Earth.
- Tom Wachowski: Come on. Come on.
- Sonic: How much longer? I can't breathe in here. Hello? Anybody there?
- Businesswoman: Do you have your child in that bag?
- Tom Wachowski: No. I mean yes, it's a child, but it's not mine.
- Businessman: It's not your child?
- Tom Wachowski: Relax, I'm a cop, okay? Plus he likes it in there, don't you, buddy?
- Sonic: Why would I like it in here? This is worse than the dog cage you had me in earlier.
- Tom Wachowski: Such a kidder.
- Maddie: Okay.
- Sonic: No, I'm scared of the dark! Is anybody there?
- [Tom and Sonic running away from a gang bikers]
- Sonic: Watch this... Watch this... I've always wanted to do this
- [jumps and slides across the hood and goes into the truck]
- Sonic: Did you see how much toilet paper I used? The next person that goes into that bathroom will have nothing to wipe with.
- Sonic: [Sonic is in a duffle bag] How much longer? I can't breathe in here!
- Businesswoman: Do you have your child in that bag?
- Tom: [completely nonchalantly] No. I mean, yes, it's a child, but it's not mine.
- Businessman: [disturbed] That's not your child?
- [both bystanders nervously edge away]
- Sonic: This is worse than the dog cage you kept me in!
- [Dr. Robotnik chases Sonic through San Francisco]
- Sonic: So, here we are again. We've been through so much together! Now you understand why there's a psychotic robot doctor chasing a supersonic blue hedgehog! Wanna know how it ends? Yeah, me too!
- Dr. Robotnik: You know what's hard about being the smartest person in the world?
- Agent Stone: Everyone else seems stupid.
- Dr. Robotnik: Stupid, yes! Way to go! You got that one.
- Sonic: This is Green Hills, the greatest place on Earth! These are my people, and I am their lovable space creature! So what if they don't know I exist?
- Sonic: So what were you expecting, a dirty little hedgehog eating berries and struggling to survive? Think again! Because I am living my best life on Earth!
- Sonic: My favourite person is the Donut Lord, protector of this town and defender of all creatures big and small! Donut Lord lives with Pretzel Lady. She is super nice to animals and, strangely, was born without bones.