Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre

The only way to save this by using the script, if there is one, is to start over. Hire Joan Crawford. Even dead she could bring some charm to the screen. The plot is somewhat tied to the great title, so there should be a women's prison with some sharks. If there is a Vincent Price type somewhere with a Shakespearean accent and piercing eyes, that would help. The cast here seems to come from a diet beverage commercial. The special effects are OK. The characters are written to be very stupid. Many of them seem to do what the audience knows is wrong. Fracking is the bad guy. I would guess they will make a buck or two from the title. It is a movie. They did get some people together with a camera operator and they made this. It is not a good bad movie, but it is OK for Bad Movie Night if you can't find Hillbillys in a Haunted House. No nudity. Probably OK for kids who like very dumb movies. I think Flaws is a better Jaws parody.

This film is rather unique in that it combines the horror of a "shark movie" with the implicit sexuality of a "Woman-in-Prison" film while maintaining a made-for-television format. To that effect there isn't much gore, sex or nudity. However, there are a number of attractive actresses and plenty of action to keep things interesting for the most part. I especially liked the presence of Dominique Swain (as "Honey") and Christine Nguyen ("Michelle Alika") but there were several other young ladies that certainly brightened the scenery as well. On the other hand, the special effects were quite bad and the ridiculous plot involving prehistoric sharks that are able to move about on both land and water certainly didn't help this film overcome its low-budget nature to any degree. But let's face it, this movie was never intended to win an Academy Award in the first place. That being said, although I doubt most viewers will probably enjoy this particular picture, I found it somewhat entertaining--in spite of its rather obvious flaws--and for that reason I have rated it a bit higher than it might deserve. Slightly below average.

On the other hand a lot of other things are also out of sight. Or rather not to be seen. While some may expect nudity in this, the female cast does look nicely even with their clothes on, it is rather sad that the gore is missing. At least for me that is true.

The CGI is as obvious (=bad?) as you'd expect it to be in a (s)low budget movie. The acting can not always be called that - or it would be an offense to actual acting. That rings especially true in the beginning with our two characters that incite ... the inciting incident. Not a lot good to be said here, this was a waste of time and I think you will feel the same for the lack of many things (some of which I have mentioned)

When a fracking environmental accident rips apart the earth's crust, the resulting hole lets out prehistoric sharks from underground. The sharks target a group of women and trap them in a cabin.

So, what is there to be said about this film? Jim Wynorski filmed in Florida, primarily because of the need for a cave, but also because his investors were Florida-based Cubans. He brought along actress Amy Holt, who has worked with Wynorski a few times, and included Traci Lords, who went mainstream thanks to Wynorski. Lords gives possibly her worst performance ever, and is cast in a role that really has nothing to do with the primary story.

I was not expecting much going into this film. I knew it was made-for-TV, and I've seen enough of Wynorski's work to know that his best years are long, long behind him. I had a little bit of hope because Tony Randel was attached as an editor and producer, and his name still carries weight. Randel brought along his daughter, Sofia Randel, who designed the main title sequence. That was canceled out by Traci Lords, who is grossly overrated and still somehow skirting by on her notoriety.

As cheesy as the CGI might be, allegedly it had even worse CGI the first time around and they had to call a second company in to redo it. Even the second company seemed to have a problem with continuity -- ground displaced by sharks in one moment is back in place the next. There were also legal complications, thanks to a meth-smoking production assistant. Never mind some of the plot nonsense, like the forced romantic moments and the so-called "first edition" of Charles Dickens' "A Tale of Two Cities" (which adds nothing to the story).

The film has a few nods or homages, such as to "Journey to the Center of the Earth". Also, Wynorski has always loved "Attack of the Crab Monsters" and wanted to remake it. He has said a script was written, but Roger Corman "didn't want to do it -- he thinks too much of the original film to do a remake." Wynorski was able to sneak in a reference or two to "Crab Monsters" here.

The best anyone can hope for with these sorts of movies is that they are so bad they cross back over into good again, because we can laugh at how stupid they are. I'm afraid to say this one never crosses over. It tries, and the Asian jokes are funny... but it seems to expect to be carried by trashy women with big breasts. I suppose for some people that's all you need.

Wynorski's next film, "Cobragator", was also filmed in the same Florida town, though financially backed by different producers. So look forward to seeing some of the same sets when that hits your screen in the summer of 2016.

This movie was actually pretty good for a terrible shark movie. The only thing that really hurts it is the gigantic plot hole near the end.