Jurassic Island - Primeval Empire

I hate it when a movie has some qualities that are overshadowed by such awfulness that it totally destroys the film., For me, seeing the characters, most of which seem to know which end of the camera is the important bit seemed to offer promise. But seeing the directors take on what makes a film is both disgusting, and ludicrously bad film making. For instance, every time the camera sets down, it is focused on the female leads breast, crotch, or ass, and remains there while the dialogue plays out.,, or it sits there for some time while in no way advancing the story. Its like it was calculated what shot would appeal to juvenile prurient interest, and tries to exploit it. Then the directors involvement as an actor, talk about heavy handed, there are many, many shots of the cameraman, focusing in for a nattering boring close up that is exactly perfectly focused, no matter how terrified the cameraman is supposed to be. Why are only those shots in perfect focus you might ask. I suspect its due to lack of knowledge of his craft, ego, and a lot of poor taste.

The characters that had the potential of more interest, Tim who seemed to overact every time he had his glasses on, which made a character more like a cartoon; but when he took the glasses off he was someone else. Then there was the alpha male, who specialized in predator, and primate behaviour studies, never really did anything very interesting at all.

Then there is the special effect dinosaurs, looked poorly crafted, shown in very bad light, blurred by motion, and only visible for a second, or two.

From lighting, to camera angles, to acting, to plot, to writing, to acting, to directing, there was such unevenness that the most I could have given the film is a three. However the 1/10 I gave it still stands, as it was such a waste of time from out of my life.

Was expecting a little more - but the high-school dinosaur effects killed it. Sorry - never going to get a big thumbs-up from me. (Plus the "lost footage" camera thing has been very over used...) Turned it off after just over an hour. Luckily my wine was nice... The acting was okay. The sound effects were good. The tension of the "animals" coming into the movie wasn't too bad. The eventual arrival of "a dinosaur" was absolutely terrible. Hopefully the actors have other projects. My room mate didn't come downstairs to watch it, and thankfully so... If you thought this would be an awesome scary horror dinosaur flick then don't bother. Very disappointed. Why don't I have Fox Sports...?

The Lost World idea of finding dinosaurs in a remote part of the planet is not new. Peru as a location had the potential, but it was never to be. The idea of driving along a dirt road and labeling it remote for the purpose of the film is ludicrous.

Had they spent a week in a canoe and then 2 weeks trekking to their destination using tribal Indians as guides I would have believed it. Wearing sleeveless tops in a malaria-infested rain forest at night, camping in tents and carrying a table and chair into the jungle just doesn't make sense. Their packs aren't big enough for a day trip let alone a multi-day hike. The nights are remarkably bug-free, I don't know any animal that would come around a camp with a lite fire in it. They find an albino python and don't know its albino? They can hear sounds of something big for 3 days every night but no tracks or scats are found and the scientists don't even seem interested. No discussion on what it could be? Was it a Tapir or Pecari, or Caiman? No picket at night to set up cameras and try and find out what it was. How did they navigate, as I didn't see a compass or GPS on anyone? How did the rain forest suddenly become wet sclerophyll?

In the end, I just watched to see how many things I could spot that were wrong. .

Oh, and the cameraman is an idiot. In all very disappointing.

This is a strangely watchable movie. It is found footage and follows the genre quite faithfully. But is has an element of tongue in cheek about it that brings a slight attraction.

The hero, strangely enough, is the cameraman who is brought in as a last minute substitute on a very BBC-like documentary project. Strange because he is a complete nob; inappropriate, crass and somewhat stupid, but at the same time with the innocence of an everyman. And because of that he is strangely likable - probably because we all unfortunately have a friend like him somewhere in our circle.

So when faced with a completely impossible situation in the jungle, he acts like most of us probably would - trying to shout quietly, leaving the camera light on in dangerous times, having a dangerously daft curiosity and other very believable stuff.

It's not going to beat out Jurassic World for quality CGI and in-your-face-believable-graphics, and the jungle looks suspiciously like friendly English woodlands, but I could empathise, and that for me was enough for a couple of hours.

Just. Wow.

But in a really bad way.

I can only assume Prime recommended this to me because I binged the original Jurassic Park trilogy (which, of course, is excellent) so I must want more dinosaurs right? RIGHT?!

Except... This isn't anything like Jurassic Park! It's just utter incompetence wrapped in a dismal veneer of turd pancakes.

The closest description I can give is that it's more like the modern Jumanji but with 2% of the budget.

If you use it as a drinking game, maybe you will have a good time. Do a shot every time there is a predictable plot move, an unnecessary movement by the actors to be more dynamic, poor CGI and a blatant rip-off of another film and you will be well and truly sozzled within 30 mins. Enjoy!