Cocaine Shark

I watched this movie as part of a binge of movies related to animals on cocaine. I was sorely disappointed that this movie was not about sharks that were high on cocaine and terrorizing people. The sound track was not terrible, much better than some others, but not as good as Sharkula's soundtrack.

That said, entertaining to watch and laugh at. The cheesy graphics and acting was enough to keep me entertained for the duration of the movie. This is right alongside the other movies from some of the same actors and producers. Definitely worth a watch through with a big bowl of popcorn and your close sarcastic friends.

I was impressed with some of Mark's DIY creative choices, but that's always been something I love about Polonia movies. They've always got effort and creativity and a rotating group of actors you actually love watching.

I asked myself if Dustin Ferguson watched this and took some notes for his own Cocaine Cougar that I haven't been able to make myself watch and then I remembered he's completely delusional so of course he didn't. He also had his movie on shelves 3 weeks after Cocaine Bear debuted so I doubt he even watched that. The reviews I read for it say it's the exact same formula he always uses just with a terrible cgi cat thrown in at random places.

I was impressed with some of Mark's DIY creative choices, but that's always been something I love about Polonia movies. They've always got effort and creativity and a rotating group of actors you actually love watching.

I asked myself if Dustin Ferguson watched this and took some notes for his own Cocaine Cougar that I haven't been able to make myself watch and then I remembered he's completely delusional so of course he didn't. He also had his movie on shelves 3 weeks after Cocaine Bear debuted so I doubt he even watched that. The reviews I read for it say it's the exact same formula he always uses just with a terrible cgi cat thrown in at random places.

Anyway, this would probably be a 3.5 on a regular scale, but I'm rating it on the Ferguson Bell Curve so it's a 4.

This year saw the release of not only Cocaine Bear...but a series of D-grade, ultra low budget spinoffs, like Cocaine Cougar...and, of course, this piece of Polonia produced trash...Cocaine Shark.

Which is not exactly what you'd think it would be, judging by the image on the poster...ie a giant shark, high on cocaine.

Rather, cocaine is spiked with some sort of bio-chemical, derived from sharks, that makes addicts hallucinate that they are shark-like humanoid creatures.

Or, more inexplicably, "crab sharks"...which manifest with a combination of shark and "crab" features (though they are more lobster like, in actuality).

On top of this iconic creativity...it features the piss poor dialogue you'd expect from a homemade horror...and some of the worst acting to ever grace the screen.

But the creatures- rendered with stop motion- are actually kind of cool.

In a lame sort of way.

But that doesn't make the title any less misleading.

Whether you like it (and why would you?), or not, this is sort of trash that Polonia has made a name for himself doing.

Leaving you to wonder how he actually manages to fund these projects.

My guess, would be from the overtime shifts at his McDonald's job.

But you've got to admire his passion.

Because there's no doubt he knows he sucks at making films...but doesn't let that slow him down.

As he shamelessly persists to produce worse and worse films...that are somewhat, laughably, entertaining.

Luckily, this one is relatively short.

So it's not to much of a burden to watch...when you want to get your cinemasochism on.

2 out of 10.

If you've seen Cocaine Bear and are excited to see what Cocaine Shark has to offer, may be you should hold your horses. Originally titled Kanizame Shakurabu, this movie was renamed to shamelessly cash in on Cocaine Bear, to the point where the cover art for the DVD/blu-ray is literally marketing a movie that doesn't actually exist. To be clear, there's very few sharks in this and even less cocaine.

Cocaine Shark may actually have found life just selling exactly what it is, a very silly B movie featuring mutated creatures, bad acting, and cheap effects. It does at least remain humourous, since the movie is very well aware of how bad it is, and stop motion and cheesy graphics are always a pleasure.

Cocaine Shark feels like a student movie, or something that would have aired on the SyFy Channel. It's not as bad as it seems, but also not good either.