American Conjuring

Movie takes itself too seriously to be enjoyable schlock.

None of the actors feel like they've taken anything past 5th grade drama at school, the writing is so stilted and unenjoyable, the horror is non-existant, the darkness and terrible sound mixing make it physically hard to hear and see.

I watched to the end so you don't have to.

One of the worst pieces of "acting" I have ever seen comes from the father in this movie. He was hideously awful as an actor. Every one of his lines came off like he was reading the script right in front of his eyes. Not only him, everyone's lines in this movie were terrible. No one talks like this. Why do movie writers insist people talk like people in a soap opera? Like the mother alone saying: "Oh, crap I forgot the washing detergent" or the daughter alone saying "this phone never gets signal". And why the hell was the mother so insistent her daughter call her step-father Dad? She's 16, she can call him whatever she wants and Dad wouldn't be one of them. Stupid idiotic movie. Saving grace was the scares from the ghost woman, but they don't save what is a vomit-ridden crap-fest of lazy dialogue, terrible acting and an hour and a half of my life worse off than before I started watching.

What's most unsettling about this movie is the fact that it was actually made and then distributed. There's bad, and then there's the scary and sad realization that a bunch of adults found everything from the acting to the plot even merely passable. It's like they dug this one up from the bottom of the bargain bin covered with garbage and thought, yeah, let's see if we can offer it to people who are doing a search for The Conjuring but end up streaming this instead, thinking it's just as good. It's like a bout of food poisoning on screen (in some cases, literally.) If this sounds good to you, bon appetit.

Giving it a 1 because it doesn't have an option 0.

This film was originally called Bind but then they decided to do some marketing scam in conjunction with the Conjuring films. They figured it needed it and they were right. This is one awful movie so if they don't get you buying it by mistake, chances are you won't.

A family moves into a house that used to be an orphanage at one time. Tragic events took place making even more tragic events take place and so on. The film has a few things moving on its own but the crux of the hauntings are more of the spirit taking over someone's body to make them kill. The acting was so bad in this and the ending was one of the worst I've seen in a long time. Avoid this one.