Dirty Angels

Somewhere deep underneath all the inexplicable absurdity, there is a brilliant comedy that wants to get out.

I am really struggling to understand what this movie tries to be. Let's gently set aside the brief CGI atrocities, the over-the-top-tropes, the obvious girlboss pandering, horrible & at times hilariously nonsensical dialogue, inconsequential character decisions & interactions, lackluster drama, laughable gunplay & tactics & the disgustingly flirtatious & ultimately nihilistic take on violence, victimhood & resolve.

Honestly, I was really hoping for the late Leslie Nielsen to pop up, wearing a tuxedo. Or a half naked Charlie Sheen, dual wielding RPG7s.

There is not one single solitary likeable character, including Eva Green, who not only can't move, let alone run, but also seems to have forgotten how to act, maybe as a courtesy to the rest of the cast.

I'm giving this pile of utterly pointless contrivance a 3/10 out of respect for the multiple efficient usage of one single, half-assed Humvee that gets blown up somewhere in the middle of the movie & yet is used throughout the whole production. He was a good boy.

On one hand, I wasn't expecting much. On the other, I kept waiting for it to "give me something"-a spark, a purpose, or even a moment of intrigue. In the end, I fail to see what the audience is supposed to take away from this.

This movie isn't a joyful experience, nor does it offer anything particularly novel or interesting. It feels quite dull. And it's so unremarkable, that I doubted writing this review. Yet here I am, reflecting on an experience that left me feeling mostly indifferent and dumbfounded.

In terms of presentation, the movie looks good on the surface, but it somehow feels cheap.

None of the characters, aside from perhaps the villain, leave any lasting impression.. and some performances feel questionable. Eva Green appears more washed out than ever, as though she reluctantly took on this role. The group dynamics are flat and only fill in the space. Awkward attempts at humor (revolving around name-calling) and more. Clocking in at nearly two hours, the movie does manage to wrap things up, but the pacing is excruciatingly slow, especially in the first half, leaving you questioning why you're still watching. The bigger question is: What did it actually achieve? What was the point?

Why bother?

I will start with the Good Points.

The kidnap plot and the infighting between the Taliban and IS hast the potential to create a genuinely interesting movie in fact I would go as far as saying the enemy in this were reasonably well portrayed within reason.

Now for the bad:

If a fully equipped CAG team with the best trained equipped, and supported operators the US military have, couldn't complete this mission then this bunch of misfits would have stood no chance.

The lead female who apparently doesn't know what unit she's in, one minute she's an army ranger next she's a US marine, then back to being a ranger again.

Spends the first half of the movie complaining about leaving people behind, then risks the whole team for a dead guy who shouldn't have even been on the raid, before contradicting herself and leaving not 1 but 2 team mates to be captured and killed

Her attitude as a whole was terrible i wouldn't follow her to the coffee shop never mind into battle

Possibly thee WORST military movie I've ever watched if you want to see a military show with a good female lead then watch Special Ops Lioness DONT watch this dumpster fire.

There is absolutely nothing redeeming. The acting was gawd awful. The screenplay and dialogue was terrible, the action was badly scripted and even worse execution. The ending was stupid, the beginning was stupid.

Save your brain cells. This is a truly AWFUL film!

Aside from that it was really boring, stupid, and without anything really recommendable. Eva Green was the best acting job in the movie and she should feel ashamed! The others should all be punished for what they put onscreen! The director deserves prison time.

Am I being to hard? No. I left out the really bad parts. Its way worse than described. Just not enough room.

Jake (Eva Green) is a U. S. Army Ranger still dealing with the fallout from having been forced to abandon her team during the withdrawal from Afghanistan in 2021. When ISIS storms a girls school in Pakistan and takes hostage several teenage daughters of high ranking officials, Jake is assigned to lead a team of mostly female soldiers masquerading as a NGO medical relief effort in order to find out where the hostages are being kept and rescue them.

Dirty Angels comes to us from independent production company Millennium Media, a company whose foundation ties back to 80s Cannon Films and has worked their way up from producing direct-to-video films to more mainstream fare like The Expendables and Has Fallen series. Dirty Angels comes to us from noted action director Martin Campbell (of Goldeneye and Casino Royale fame) and marks his second time working for Millennium following his assassin film The Protege with Maggie Q. With a low key VOD release Dirty Angels has more production polish than you'd typically expect from this kind of film, but a script that isn't able to pick a tone leads to a rather turgid affair.

In keeping with the company's Cannon lineage, Dirty Angels doesn't really have any aspirations on Afghanistan, ISIS, or the Taliban other than using them as interchangeable goons that are cannon fodder for our protagonists. While the withdrawal from Afghanistan has yielded plenty of media trying to tap into the prescience of the event, the movie lacks the emotional core of The Covenant or the intricate details of Kandahar and instead feels like a crude redress of 80s relics like Missing in Action or other Vietnam War "this time we win" revisionist fantasies that were so popular during the Reagan administration. Despite the cast featuring some good actors like Eva Green, Marla Bakalova, and Jojo T. Gibbs, their characterization is very flat down to the fact the movie insists on knowing them more by their roles like "Medic", "Shooter", "The Bomb" and etc. Rather than actual names. Honestly the most likable characters are two local brothers named Abbas and Malik played by Aziz Capkurt and Reza Brojerdi respectively who mainly serve as comic relief foils to Jake, but as a result they're the most endearing and likable ones in the movie because we actually get to know them beyond their role in the mission.

In terms of action, Martin Campbell has shown himself time and again that he's a reliable staple of the genre and is comfortable behind the camera framing spectacle (Legend of Zorro and Green Lantern notwithstanding). While Campbell doesn't escape unscathed from Millennium's budget scissors (such as some shockingly bad CGI blood in one scene) for the most part he still shows that he knows how to frame an action sequence even at 80+ years old. Unfortunately despite the action being decent, Dirty Angels' lack of commitment to a tone ends up making it all for not and it becomes a rather dull ride that just isn't engaging. While the opening with its brutal stoning sequence and the ISIS attack on the girls school feel like they're aiming for something heavy and serious, other sequences involving the characters showing off laconic swagger or a running gag of Jake's alias being "Jessica Rabit" (pronounced ra-beet) create a distracting tonal clash that never meshes into a fully formed vision. With a name like Dirty Angels and some of the humor on display you get the sense the film wanted to play itself more trashier and with a more exploitative edge than it actually wanted to, but coupled with the lip service to real world events just makes the film feel like a misfire.

Dirty Angels ranks as one of Campbell's lesser entries in his career and despite the action being decently handled (albeit with Millennium's typical quick and cheap mindset) the film doesn't come together into a cohesive whole as it's too glib to make any sort of statement on the real world events it focuses on while also being to leaden and overly serious to make for entertaining exploitation.