The Teenie Weenie Bikini Squad

It's been a long time since I sat thru a T&A flick from b-movie director Fred Olen Ray, but that wasn't my primary motivation. C'mon it's called 'Teenie Weenie Bikini Squad'. Did you see the box cover? I didn't even know he directed it until after the fact. It nailed the expected nudity, but the story was an absolute snore of low energy.

Three ladies (Kylee Nash, Brandin Rackley, Michelle Maylene) of said squad go undercover to root out a traitor at an erotic magazine empire riffing on Hugh Hefner and Playboy's "tame" content while giving tame content. Going back to the box cover - it was Kylie Nash - who suckered me into checking this out though I'm sure there were easier ways to see her naked and more explicitly in hindsight, but oh well.

I knew what I was probably in for with 'Teenie Weenie Bikini Squad' and that's exactly what I got. Let's face it the genre has really died off. Sure nowadays the nudity is more frequent and for longer durations, but it's typically the same thing and the appearance of hardcore porno talent is typical. The acting here isn't particularly bad, but the boobs didn't move the needle for me.

All of these detective/spy films in the "bikini" series are tongue in cheek and have a few smiles along with the girls.

Bikini Squad (the entire movie) features three women with great bodies: Brandin Rackley, Kelli McCarty, and Beverly Lynn.

I'm never all that happy to see Kylee Nash, though she was a regular for a few years. She had WAY too much silicone added and just looks deformed, plus her squeaky voice (probably put on but still ...) is just annoying. Michelle Maylene (known in our house as the "I'm coming!" girl) doesn't add much in the way of acting or body, either.

Evan Stone and Brandin Rackley have a scene that's a pretty good turn on, and the ending is quite amusing, with Ted Newsom getting a better role than normal.

The Teenie Weenie Bikini Squad (2012)

** (out of 4)

More softcore madness from director Fred Olen Ray. Three members of the Teenie Weenie Bikini Squad (Brandin Rackley, Michelle Maylene, Kylee Nash) go undercover to try and bring down a magazine publisher named Tef (clearly poking fun at Hugh Hefner) who is starting to go into a more explicit business. Is there really much need for a plot in a film like this? I've been watching quite a few of these softcore flicks as they appear on HBO. Part of the reason is that I'm just checking out what Ray has been up to the past few years but I'm also having flashbacks to when I was a teenager and watching this stuff on Cinemax in the early morning hours. There's no question that this here is one of the weaker ones I've seen from Ray but if you're a fan of the genre then there's still some nice things to look at here. These nice things are of course the women who barely keep their clothes on for more than three-minutes and we've also got Beverly Lyne and Kelli McCarty in the cast. All five women obviously are quite attractive and their nude bodies are the reason to check this out. I think what really keeps this film from being as good as some of the director's others is that there just isn't enough interest in the actual story. Yes, the story isn't all that important but you still need something to hold your attention and I think the missing comedy also hurts. The sex scenes are pretty much by-the-numbers as well.