V/H/S/99

I have been a VHS loyalist since the beginning and even liked 1984. Has every segment ever been a homer in? No. But there's always a diamond or two in the rough. This time around there was quite literally nothing redeeming. Even gawker which should have been the best was wasted with filler and a boring climax. It was like a "Lily" rip-off with none of the tension. Man I can't believe every segment was a dud but here we are. Give some new writers a chance or at least be honest with yourselves when reading the scripts and weed out the garbage. Otherwise this franchises will suffer even further..

The first 3 movies are absolute treasures, but these new cash-ins lack all the underground gritty realism and engrossing segments.

The first 3 movies felt like you were watching some cursed or random snuff VHS that had been unearthed. These 90's installments feel like some kids decided to create their own little creepypasta style shots and it just falls flat and feels empty, the bad CGI doesn't help either. Some segments have decent story ideas but either bad acting, CGI, or dialogue ruin it.

Like '94 there's only one good segment, and the overarching shots between segments is bland. Still waiting for the series to get back to its original brilliance.

Once again we've got another mixed bag from one of the most inconsistent franchises of all time. The original V/H/S had creative ideas with extremely flawed executions, but it was interesting to see filmmakers explore and experiment with different mediums for horror movies. The series got significantly better in the second installment as the "found footage" format was refined and expanded upon. Sadly the 3rd installment Viral was absolute dogsh!t. The series rebounded somewhat with V/H/S 94 and I was excited for this installment, but it mostly failed to deliver. Overall this is marked by novice writing and sloppy production. It's a collection of amateur filmmakers fumbling with the same mistakes as the original VHS which should have been ironed out of the genre years ago + lack of effort by executives/producers to create a cohesive product. This collection is focused on horror comedy and a mix of pointless, vague, and/or forced 90s tropes which don't add anything. Additionally, being purposefully set in the 90s means the return of awful film quality and the obnoxious, constant camera glitches.

Wrap-around: basically there isn't one. The stop-motion toy solider thing is completely banal and I can't think of a less engaging opening bit. I guess the "wraparound" is supposed to be that the guys in Gawkers are watching the tapes while one of them films these soldiers? Who knows. You see a guy fumbling with a tape for about 2 seconds, yet we get treated to 3 pointless stop motion soldier bits. 0/10

Segment 1 Shredding: I guess this is supposed to follow some kids who are a parody of CKY. They mix in random footage of them doing CKY/Jackass stunts but it had 0 bearing on the actual uh "plot". This is some of the worst found footage horror ever made. Absolutely abysmal, nearly unwatchable camera work and film quality, terrible obnoxious characters, and a completely nonsensical plot. This one dragged on endlessly with no real point. The effects were awful. I was ready to completely give up on VHS 99 at multiple points during this segment. 0/10

Segment 2 Suicide Bid: This was about sorority girls hazing a new girl by burying her in a coffin. It starts to rain so they leave and the coffin floods. This one wasn't great, but compared to the opener it was decent. Somewhat interesting concept and there was good tension when she was in the coffin and it started to flood. Very low budget though and the film quality and effects were pretty bad. 4/10

Segment 3 Ozzy's Dungeon: Whew, things actually start to pick up here. This segment is a parody of Legends of the Hidden Temple/Double Dare. The kids show segment is well done and the humor is well executed without being overdone. However, the second part of this turns into an August Underground style home video gross-out torture porn which was disappointing. It's kind of creative, but it drags on for way too long with too much unnecessary stuff. Felt more like a McKamey Manor video than a horror movie. Thankfully it (finally) picks up again at the end with a cult and demon (kind of like a poor man's Safe Haven from VHS 2) which is rather good but too short - I would have liked the focus to be more on this part. This was the most creative and varied of all the segments, but it needed to be tightened up. 6/10

Segment 4 The Gawkers: In the scope of all the VHS movies this one isn't that good, but for this collection it was one of the best. It follows a group of teenage boys who covertly spy on their hot female neighbor. The boys are obnoxious but extremely believable and the chemistry between them feels very natural. The humor in this one is done well. The segment is short so, despite the small scope, it doesn't lose your interest. The horror stuff at the end is straight forward but done well and is very on brand for these VHS movies. 6/10

Segment 5 To Hell and Back: this opens with some guys filming a cult doing a ritual to summon a demon and they end up being transported to hell. This is the best and tightest of all the segments. It follows an interesting and creative idea that isn't over-explained, and it moves quickly while staying focused. The humor is integrated well and I love how the cult/ritual is never explained so its just these two goofy dudes in NYE outfits fighting their way out of hell which, sans explanation, is hilarious. The sets and location are the most interesting and well utilized of all the segments; the effects are obviously low budget but are the best of the 5. Would like to see these filmmakers in a future segment with a bigger budget. 7.5/10

Overall, this is a weak entry for VHS. It's better than Viral (although that means almost nothing as the bar is absurdly low) but that's it. While some segments are technically more proficient, it lacks the creativity and sense of experimentation/exploration of the original and is all around less focused and less skillfully executed than most of the segments in 2 or 94. You'd expect that with found footage being such a widespread horror genre that these anthologies would get more innovative and artistic over time, but this doesn't deliver much in that regard. It's pretty clear they went with cheaper films by more amateur directors/crews to quickly cash in on the previous success of the franchise without trying to improve upon it or explore new avenues. While not a total flop, this is a disappointment and should not have been as bad as it was. Let's hope they work harder on the next one.

1. Suicide Bid 2. Shredding 3. The Gawkers 4. Ozzy's Dungeon 5. To Hell And Back

V/H/S/99 is the latest in the mixed bag that makes up the V/H/S franchise. Of the five stories, none are particularly awful yet none hit some of the heights previous V/H/S' have managed.

An 1hr 50m for this kind of anthology is rather long and the running time begins to tell the longer it goes on. Ozzy's Dungeon has lots of potential but begins to bore. Same goes for To Hell And Back. The most accomplished piece is Suicide Bid which contains the better scares with a neat ending.

V/H/S/99 is a shudder exclusive and is the perfect platform for a series of it's kind. There is a sequel already announced called V/H/S/85 coming to shudder as well and so far V/H/S still has legs.

I don't know what film the other reviewers watched but V/H/S 99 is the worst. Boring, predictable and God awful. I'm a huge fan of the first two, a little less with Viral and 94 but this film one will find in the bargin bin probably by days end. Tedious and hard to watch. Trust me on this, really bad. I had to take a break from it twice now and actually have it paused as we speak to write this review. From the opening short that ties the others together seems almost like a bad parody of the original to the others it's like making a wish for heaven and waking up in hell. I've been counting the days for the film to drop on Shudder and now I'm counting the minutes for the film to end. It's been a bleak year for horror films to live up to the hype, from Halloween Ends to Malignant, all have fallen short but V/H/S 99 really has surpassed in the disappointment level. Watch the original and spare yourself from this mess of a film.