Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast

There's just no end to the goofy possibilities in the "cheap and cheesy monster movie" genre. Here we have a finned predator that burrows through the snowy ground of New York State, popping up time and time again to turn various moron victims into Snow Shark chow. Among those who determine to destroy the beast: a knuckle-headed, macho local (played by writer / director / cinematographer Sam Qualiana), a team including two scientists and a boorish Great White Hunter, and a Sheriff (played by Sam Q.s' father, C.J. Qualiana) who has a personal stake in the mission.

"Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast" gives you exactly what you expect from this genre: a silly script with various attempts at clever lines, inane characters & amateurish performances, and utterly laughable special effects. (Still, I give Qualiana credit: he uses a puppet head for the Snow Shark, keeping digital nonsense to a minimum.) The wintry atmosphere does help matters a fair bit. The quality of the pacing is fine - this clocks in at a reasonable 80 minutes. (Although, some people would argue that it's still 80 minutes too long.)

Qualiana Sr. delivers the closest thing that this picture has in terms of a decent performance; he looks very serious throughout. That said, Qualiana Jr. is a hoot as a stereotypical redneck, and Andy Taylor is likewise amusing as the amiable dope who keeps ribbing his female cohort.

Perked up somewhat by its hilarious (if not that original) ending.

One good thing: this viewer did enjoy that closing credits tune, "She's Gonna Eat You Alive".

Producer / unit production manager Gregory Lamberson (director of "Slime City") has an unbilled cameo at around the one hour mark; one of the editors is veteran D.I.Y. filmmaker Mark Polonia.

Five out of 10.

I adore B-grade shark movies, but this doesn't even come close to qualifying as B-grade. While not the absolute worst shark movie I have ever seen (that distinction goes to House Shark), it was pretty close.

The film's speed was off - more 'daytime soap' than 'movie', the dialogue was dreadful, and the lead actor's acting was atrocious. Surprisingly, and the acting of some of the support actors was actually passable.

After the first two minutes it was pretty easy to guess... I bet this is one of those where the writer, director, producer, and 'star' are all the same person. Yup. And half the cast are family. The rest are probably friends, girlfriends, or old college roommates.

Making this movie was probably a fun way for a bored group of family and friends to fill in some time, but the same certainly can't be said for watching it. If you really need something to fill in your time, try banging your head against a wall - it will probably be less painful than watching this.

I'm trying to find anything positive in this movie but they've done a very good work at making it awful.

The acting of every single actor is bad, and not in the way you can enjoy by having fun of them, they are just boring.

The attacks of the snow shark are just horrible. Most of them are just the victim screaming and a blood stain in the snow, but the thing goes worse when they show the shark briefly and you discover that is a puppet.

I was hoping to see at least lots of blood and guts but don't count of it, there is a few blood in every attack but nothing remarkable.

If you really want to see a snow shark then I guess this is your movie but don't expect too much.

As a shark film lover I was deeply disappointed with this film and how boring it turned out to. I thought a film as dumb as the idea of a snow shark would have been a lot more fun.

But I hoped for really funny kills, but no. Just screaming them blood stains on the snow. The acting was so flat, and awkward. None of the actors sold this film to you, and the digalog was honestly terrible. Like how could you not have fun and give it your all with a concept like this?

The shark had the deepest range of acting, and it's not even real.

I don't know how a film this short managed to out stay it's welcome, but here we are.

I love shark movies. Even the cheap low budget shark movies. But this movie is an absolute abomination.

I took great pleasure in throwing the DVD of this over my front balcony. And I took even greater pleasure reversing back and forwards over the disc in my car on the driveway. And then to top of off, I burnt it. What's even more funny is that I barely watched 20 minutes of it.

Every copy of this film around the Earth should be handed in to the nearest authorities to be sent to NASA so they can rocket all the copies into space.

This movie is THAT bad. If anyone tells you this movie is good, then they are LYING to you. And most likely, they don't like you if they recommend this.

Please avoid this movie at all cost. I honestly hope everyone involved in this film has never been in front or behind a camera again

If I could rate this movie -0 out of 10, I would have. Pure garbage in a movie form