- Sasquatch: [after being accused of eating human babies] What in the name of all that is right are you talking about, human?
- Sasquatch: We eat berries and mushrooms, you fool. Or we did. Now none of us left. Some maniac's been murdering us. I'm the last one of my kind. We've lived in these hills for a thousand years...
- [Marston startles MacKenna, who is acting out a scene from his new film and mumbling to himself]
- John Marston: You okay, mister?
- D.S. MacKenna: Ahhh! Ah, Mr. Marston! Well, I might've guessed you wouldn't have got the lurgy yet.
- John Marston: Not yet. Tryin' to help my family.
- D.S. MacKenna: Yes. Quite the hobby of yours, that.
- John Marston: Sure. Listen, any idea what the hell's goin' on here?
- D.S. MacKenna: No... but it's brilliant! Man turned against man! Kind-hearted neighbors turned into savage flesh-eating monsters!
- [he imitates a zombie's groan]
- D.S. MacKenna: D'you see it? It'll make a FANTASTIC movie!
- John Marston: Who would enjoy that?
- D.S. MacKenna: What?
- John Marston: What kinda sick person would like that?
- D.S. MacKenna: [dramatically] My kind sir! The lowest common denominator! My people.
- John Marston: You're gone, friend.
- D.S. MacKenna: On the contrary, sir, you misunderstand me. Come now, you're a smart fellow. Allow me to illuminate.
- [he guides Marston to a nearby tent, where a tied-up zombie is groaning and writhing]
- D.S. MacKenna: Listen, Mr. Marston, what I need is one of those nasty buggers that spits poisonous snot on you. If, in your travels, you can find a spare one, we can make moving picture history.
- John Marston: You're worse than they are.
- D.S. MacKenna: Each to their own, Mr. Marston. But if you find the time...
- [Marston sighs in frustration and leaves; MacKenna watches him go with a knowing look]