- Brooke Swinkowski: Listen, would you prefer it if I didn't enter this whole butter contest thing?
- Laura Pickler: Absolutely.
- Brooke Swinkowski: Excellent.
- [signs up]
- Brooke Swinkowski: It's on, cunt!
- Carol Ann: I haven't heard that word since my dad died.
- Brooke Swinkowski: [riding away on her bicycle] Fuck you, Bob.
- Bob: No. Thank you. We have plenty of steak knives.
- Brooke Swinkowski: I know you're like only 10 and shit, but listen up. You beat that skanky-ass bitch, you beat her hard. I've done all I can do, it's up to you now.
- Destiny: [stunned] OK.
- Brooke Swinkowski: You're a good girl.
- Ethan: I don't think I want you hanging out with strippers, OK?
- Laura Pickler: I plan on proudly bearing his children.
- Brooke Swinkowski: So, you want a cookie 'cause you're going to get pregnant? I get pregnant, like, once a month!
- Brooke Swinkowski: [writhing around] You're the only man that cares about me.
- Bob: That's not true. I'm sure there's plenty of men who like you. Your father cares about you, right?
- Brooke Swinkowski: [into his ear] My father raped me.
- Bob: Oh my God!
- Brooke Swinkowski: [breathlessly] I just, I need someone to take care of me. Someone who understands me, someone who will love me.
- [starts stripping]
- Brooke Swinkowski: Not just someone to pay my rent--which by the way, comes to $560 a month, plus utilities.
- Destiny: My new foster parents, and everyone at my new school, were so nice that I couldn't help but think, are these crackers for real?
- [grins back nervously]
- Kaitlen: God, I hate people! I can't wait 'til everyone dies from global warming.
- Brooke Swinkowski: Right, do you know where your dad keeps his money?
- 'The Boy from Battle Creek' narrator: But no-one could imagine the show-stopper the boy from Battle Creek would pull out this year: A life-size replica of The Last Supper, that the Des Moines Register called "Better than the original."
- [first lines]
- Laura Pickler: I believe in America. I believe we are the best. I believe we're number one. And I won't apologize for that. My husband and I are survivors. We fought tooth and nail to get where we are today. How? The old-fashioned way, hard work, and a can-do attitude. And here in the great State of Iowa, no less, where all great battles begin. My name is Laura Dean Pickler, and this is the cut-throat story of greed, blackmail, sex, and butter.
- Destiny: They were homeschoolers, which always spells trouble.
- Mrs. Moore: And then, God cast down the angels, and they fell to Earth, which is where dinosaur bones come from.
- Laura Pickler: [in photo op with Down syndrome children] I've always said that your people are the small flashlights that help the dark world find its lost car keys.
- Little Girl: What?
- Bob: My wife controls the checkbook.
- Brooke Swinkowski: Your wife, Bob? I can't believe you're gonna let your wife come between us? I thought you had morals.
- Brooke Swinkowski: See that store over there?
- [Victoria's Secret]
- Brooke Swinkowski: With this $1200, I could buy work clothes like you have never seen.
- Destiny: Where do you work?
- Brooke Swinkowski: Barnes and Noble.
- [last lines]
- Destiny: If there's even the slightest chance she'll win, I'm fixin' to team up with some bad-ass ninjas, to march down to Des Moines, and kick--her--butt.