- Abby Mancuso: Oh my God, you two... are totally gay.
- Olaf 'Gunn' Gunnunderson: Erm...
- Abby Mancuso: Bitch! Why didn't you tell me?
- Olaf 'Gunn' Gunnunderson: That's because I haven't told anybody here.
- Abby Mancuso: Yeah... I got that.
- Olaf 'Gunn' Gunnunderson: Did you just called me "bitch"?
- Sven Gunnunderson: [So stoned he mistakes a Soduku for a crossword] I need a nine-letter word that ends in 4.
- Olaf 'Gunn' Gunnunderson: [about Abby] We dated four years ago, in High School! We're totally different people now. She's a beautician, and I'm...
- Sven Gunnunderson: You're what?
- Olaf 'Gunn' Gunnunderson: *Not* a beautician.
- Anya Gunnunderson: [Runs fingers through Gunn's hair] You're telling me! Have Abbey give you a cut and a blow sometime, you'll be happier for it.
- Olaf 'Gunn' Gunnunderson: I don't need Abbey to blow me to be happy.
- Olaf 'Gunn' Gunnunderson: [about telling his parents he is gay] I was gonna tell them yesterday, but...
- Nathan Stanford: And they haven't figured it out? I mean, they have *met* you, right?
- Olaf 'Gunn' Gunnunderson: Wanna go find the other young people? Maybe they're all playing Spin the Bottle somewhere.
- Nathan Stanford: Oooh, my favorite sport.
- Olaf 'Gunn' Gunnunderson: Yeah, like you ever kissed a girl before!
- Nathan Stanford: Yeah, Frieda Belluci, fifth grade.
- Olaf 'Gunn' Gunnunderson: Really?
- Nathan Stanford: Yup.
- Olaf 'Gunn' Gunnunderson: What was that like?
- Nathan Stanford: Well... you know...
- [whispers]
- Nathan Stanford: made me gay.
- Olaf 'Gunn' Gunnunderson: Really! Well I should send her a thank you card.
- Nathan Stanford: Do that.
- Abby Mancuso: Why are the best men gay?
- Nathan Stanford: Erh... sorta part of God's plan.
- Abby Mancuso: Figures!
- Olaf 'Gunn' Gunnunderson: Did you guys hear what I said? I'm gay.
- Nathan Stanford: Um, I'm gay too if that wasn't clear. It was, ok.
- Olaf 'Gunn' Gunnunderson: You know what I always wondered... are there any actual eggs in Egg Nog?
- Nathan Stanford: Hmm.
- Sven Gunnunderson: [rolling eyes] No one knows for sure.
- Olaf 'Gunn' Gunnunderson: Hmm.
- Nathan Stanford: Yeah, what is Nog anyway?
- Olaf 'Gunn' Gunnunderson: Yeah, what *is* Nog?
- [Nathan giggles]
- Olaf 'Gunn' Gunnunderson: [Sven puts down a cup very slowly, rolls eyes and skulks away]
- Nathan Stanford: [shakes head, looking down into cup] I don't know. Delicious though.
- Olaf 'Gunn' Gunnunderson: [shakes head again, looking down into cup] No, it's not.
- Abby Mancuso: Why are all the best ones gay?
- Nathan Stanford: Eh, it's all part of God's plan.
- Abby Mancuso: Figures!
- Olaf 'Gunn' Gunnunderson: Did you guys hear what I said? I'm gay.
- Nathan Stanford: [uncomfortably] I'm gay too, if that wasn't clear, it was clear okay .
- Anya Gunnunderson: [Long uncomfortable silence as Anya goes to Sven and puts her hand on his shoulder. He gets up, takes something out of a jar and sits back down. Then he hands her money, which she takes gleefully] I told you so.
- Sven Gunnunderson: You owe me a hundred bucks, kiddo, I'm taking it off your inheritance.
- Anya Gunnunderson: [Nathan has just arrived unexpectedly] What are you two boys talking about?
- Olaf 'Gunn' Gunnunderson: Nothing.
- Anya Gunnunderson: Well then let's get your friend settled before your balls get cold.
- Olaf 'Gunn' Gunnunderson: Pancake balls.
- Anya Gunnunderson: [Entering the bedroom with bunk beds] Nathan dear, I hope you don't mind being on bottom.
- Nathan Stanford: Um, excuse me?
- Anya Gunnunderson: The bunk beds.
- Nathan Stanford: Oh.
- Anya Gunnunderson: I remember when Sven and I got these beds for little Olaf, he scampered right up that ladder, jumped up and down screaming, "I want to be on top, I want to be on top". It was so cute. So you don't mind, do you?
- Nathan Stanford: Um, actually, Mrs. Gunnunderson, in our dorm room, you know I'd much rather be on top.
- Anya Gunnunderson: Oh.
- Nathan Stanford: In the bunk beds that is.
- Anya Gunnunderson: [to Olaf] Must have got a jump on you when you first moved in, eh?
- Olaf 'Gunn' Gunnunderson: Yes, yes he did.
- Anya Gunnunderson: Cookie?
- Nathan Stanford: Yeah.
- Anya Gunnunderson: [serving a tray of Gingerbread Men cookies] Olaf's the decapitator, he always goes right for the head.
- Nathan Stanford: I'm not going to touch that one.
- Anya Gunnunderson: [sitting around Christmas dinner table] As my mother taught me, if you put enough meat in a man's mouth, he's happy. Am I right?
- Nathan Stanford: Right, that's always been my experience.
- Thomas: Dude, your dad is hot!
- Nathan Stanford: Okay, why- my dad? Really?
- Thomas: Oh yeah!
- Nathan Stanford: What are you doing here?
- Thomas: I told you, change of plans. Apparently, mommy ad daddy had better things to do then spend Christmas with their only son.
- Nathan Stanford: Ohhh. I'm sorry, babe.
- Thomas: Yeah, whatever.