- Patty Tolan: [about Rowan's huge transformation] What part of "small and friendly" did he not understand?
- Patty Tolan: [turns around and sees a mannequin right behind her] Was that there before? Please don't answer.
- [the mannequin starts chasing her]
- Patty Tolan: I said don't answer!
- Patty Tolan: [as a ghost leaves on the subway] I guess he's going to Queens - he's going to be the third scariest thing on that train.
- [sees Erin pounding on the windows of the restaurant]
- Jennifer Lynch: She thinks it's a sliding door. She thinks they're all doors. That's sad - she's a scientist.
- Patty Tolan: That's where I saw that weird sparking thing.
- Jillian Holtzmann: What was it?
- Patty Tolan: Baby, if I knew what it was, I wouldn't have called it a 'weird sparking thing'.
- Basement Cop: Whoa, nobody called for a Clark Kent strippergram!
- Kevin: [possessed by Rowan] "Clark Kent"? Oh, because of the glasses and the handsomeness.
- Abby Yates: Have you seen a class 4 semi-anchored entity anywhere in the vicinity?
- Graffiti Artist: You talkin' like a boat?
- Graffiti Artist: Let me fix this.
- [paints a red negation symbol over his cartoon ghost]
- Graffiti Artist: There, "no ghosts allowed."
- Agent Hawkins: Do you have any idea how many federal regulations you are breaking on a daily basis?
- Jillian Holtzmann: One?
- Agent Rorke: No.
- Jillian Holtzmann: Two?
- Agent Rorke: No.
- Jillian Holtzmann: Is it one?
- Agent Rorke: Sheriff in New Mexico reports a UFO encounter, the crew of the S.S. Ourang Medan dies mysteriously, the entire town of Langville, Montana goes missing.
- Jillian Holtzmann: It does?
- Abby Yates: Okay, but we're talking about relocating. No one's being killed here. Right?
- Mayor Bradley: They were turned inside out.
- Erin Gilbert: Their skin is on the inside of their body?
- Mayor Bradley: Their skin is on the inside of their body because their organs are on the outside.
- Abby Yates: But, they're okay, right?
- Mayor Bradley: Sure.
- Jillian Holtzmann: I think they're dead...
- Jillian Holtzmann: [smashes a guitar on stage and hands it back to its owner] Sorry. I can't buy you another one.
- Erin Gilbert: Why am I operating the untested nuclear laser?
- Jillian Holtzmann: You have the longest arms.
- Jillian Holtzmann: [eating Pringles chips from the can] Just try saying no to these salty parabolas!
- Jillian Holtzmann: [singing like Glinda in "The Wizard of Oz"] Come out, come out, wherever you are...
- Tour Guide Garrett: Now, I'm gonna tell you something a little spooky. The morning of October 25, 1894, Sir Aldridge awoke furious when his breakfast was not waiting for him. So, he called to his servants, but none of them responded. Why? Because, during the night, one by one they had each been stabbed to death in their sleep. It was later discovered that they were murdered by his eldest daughter, Gertrude Aldridge. Sir Aldridge once wrote in his diary, 'I know God makes no mistakes, but I believe he may have been drunk when he built Gertrude's personality.'
- Jillian Holtzmann: Safety lights are for dudes!
- Rebecca Gorin: Safety lights are for dudes.
- [They high-five]
- Rebecca Gorin: I hate doing that.
- Kevin: Would it be okay if I bring Mike Hat to work sometimes? He has major anxiety problems.
- Abby Yates: You know what? I would love to let your cat live here with you, but I have a pretty severe cat allergy.
- Kevin: Oh, I don't have a cat. He's a dog. His name's Mike Hat.
- Abby Yates: Your dog's name is Mike Hat?
- Kevin: Mike Hat.
- Erin Gilbert: Your dog's name is Mike, last name Hat?
- Kevin: Well, his full name is Michael Hat.
- Abby Yates: I can't say that I'm allergic to dogs... so.
- Kevin: You know, it's all right. He lives with my mum.
- Jillian Holtzmann: [Holstering her proton thrower] Forgot about my new toys.
- Jillian Holtzmann: [Twin pistol-sized throwers emerge from her pack. She licks one] Let's go.
- Patty Tolan: [Presenting the hearse to the other ghostbusters] You get a car! And you get a car! And YOU get a car!
- [first lines]
- Tour Guide Garrett: The Aldridge Mansion is the only 19th century home in New York City preserved both inside and out. At the time of its construction, it was one of the most elegant homes in existence featuring every luxury including a face bidet and an anti-Irish security fence.
- Jillian Holtzmann: Ma'am, can you tell us where you got the world's tiniest bowtie?
- Erin Gilbert: Uh, it came with the shirt.
- Patty Tolan: Up above us was the old New York prison. It's the first place in New York that they electrocuted people. I'm telling you, it used to take so long that they just be like, 'Shoot em! We using too much electricity.'
- Jillian Holtzmann: [Holtzmann places metal collar attached to proton gun on Erin] Do you know your iron level?
- Erin Gilbert: Mm-mm.
- Jillian Holtzmann: It's fine.
- Erin Gilbert: That book you're holding is utter nonsense. I don't even know how you got that. I thought I burned both copies.
- Ed Mulgrave: It's on Amazon. Both hard copy and e-book.
- Erin Gilbert: What?
- Ed Mulgrave: It's on books on tape, too. Only, I know how to read.
- Erin Gilbert: Holtzmann, come on!
- Jillian Holtzmann: The hat is too much, right? Is it the wig or the hat?
- Abby Yates: [Holtzmann is dancing to 'Rhythm of the Night'] I don't mean to DeBarge in!
- Jillian Holtzmann: Is that by DeBarge? I thought it was Devo.
- [Everyone notices a ghost perched on Patty's shoulders]
- Abby Yates: Patty! Don't move!
- Erin Gilbert: You got a, uh...
- Patty Tolan: Nope, I'm tired.
- Erin Gilbert: No. You got a...
- Patty Tolan: I'm just gonna go ahead and take off. How about that?
- Erin Gilbert: I, I don't really think that's a good idea.
- Patty Tolan: No. I'm gonna take off. Don't piss off the ghost.
- [as Patty slowly walks out of the crowd, a crowd member takes a selfie with Patty and the ghost]
- Patty Tolan: Really?
- Dean: I will not let the 12-year reputation of this fine institution be besmirched by you!
- Abby Yates: Oh, come on! Suddenly this place has a classy reputation to uphold? You're only dean now because the least dean went to jail.
- Dean: Are you saying that I'm not qualified?
- Abby Yates: You spell science with a "Y". And what's upsetting about that is I don't think you know that that's wrong.
- [after playing the "farting" EVP tape to Erin]
- Jillian Holtzmann: Is it more or less disgusting if I tell you it came out the front?
- Erin Gilbert: [the Ghostbusters are surrounded by giant apparitions] I'm not good in a fight.
- Abby Yates: Well, here's your chance to work on that.
- Abby Yates: [seeing Slimer drive past in the Ghostbusters' car] Well, that thing is having the time of its life.