- The Queen: They take a lot of photographs of you, don't they? The only photograph they take that really matters is the one they put on the ten-pound note, and they took that one. You understand, my dear, that all you are is currency.
- Charles: The thing is, Diana, there has to be two of you. You... There's, there's two of me, there's two of Father, two of everyone. There's the real one and the one they take pictures of. Now, we are given tasks. You know, I, I hated to shoot at first. I gave my gun to the other one, but... But you know, you have to be able to make your body do things you hate.
- Diana: That you hate?
- Charles: That you hate.
- Diana: That you hate?
- Charles: Yes. For the good of the country.
- Diana: Of the country?
- Charles: Yes, the people. Because they don't want us to be people. That's how it is. I'm sorry, I thought you knew. So please, stick to the list as it is written, in the order that it is written.
- William: Mummy, why do we have to open our presents on Christmas Eve? Why not Christmas Day like everybody else?
- Diana: You know at school, you do tenses?
- William: Yeah.
- Diana: There's the past, the present, future.
- William: Right.
- Diana: Well here, there is only one tense. There is no future. The past and the present are the same thing.
- William: Daddy told Harry it's because Father Christmas does queens and kings the day before everybody else so that we get the best presents.
- Charles: The chicken laid the eggs, the fishermen caught the fish, the bees made the honey. They all made such an effort to bring you breakfast. Please do them the courtesy of not regurgitating it all into a lavatory bowl before the church bells even ring.
- [last lines]
- KFC Employee: Can I take your order?
- Diana: Three times chicken, three times fries, two colas and an orange juice, please.
- KFC Employee: And what name is it?
- Diana: Spencer.
- Maggie: I've never told you this. And it probably means you'll have to fire me. But actually I'm in love with you. For years, I mean in that way. Completely. So I suppose the one word I would describe you is shocked. Diana the shocked.
- Diana: [laughs] Goodness!
- Maggie: So what do you say to that? Shock does wonders apparently.
- [Diana continues to laugh]
- Maggie: And I know you don't see me in that way. It's perfectly fine. I'm a grown up. I just thought I'd lighten the gloom with something totally unexpected. Bam! Just think of all the times I've seen you naked!
- [both laugh]
- Diana: I'm surprised, grown up completely, by this...
- Maggie: No you're not. We're having a childish giggle and I love it. Fuck doctors. What you need is love. Love, jocks and laughter.
- Diana: [as Harry comes down in an oversized coat] Oh, look at you!
- Harry: Mummy, I'm cold.
- Diana: Who gave you this big, hilarious coat?
- Major Alistar Gregory: The coat is from the storeroom, Ma'am. His Royal Highness kept saying he was cold.
- Diana: Instead of turning up the heating, they've dressed you up like Winston Churchill.
- Princess Anne: "Half my weight's in jewelry, anyway." Do you remember when she said that?
- Major Alistar Gregory: I wasn't here, but I heard about it.
- Princess Anne: Is she here yet?
- Major Alistar Gregory: Not yet, Ma'am, no.
- Princess Anne: Then she's late. And he is early.
- Major Alistar Gregory: And yet she is late.
- Diana: Why don't they just turn up the heating instead of burying everyone in blankets? It's every year I say it.
- Diana: Tell them I'm not well.
- Diana: [shouts] Tell them I'm not at all well!
- Anne Boleyn: Tell them I'm not well.
- Diana: Tell them I'm not well.
- Anne Boleyn: TELL THEM I'M NOT WELL!
- Diana: [on her father's old jacket] Not only did I rescue it. I'm talking to it. All rumours of my disintegration confirmed.