Jack and the Beanstalk

Truthfully, this movie made me feel like I was 12 again watching classics such as Dark Crystal or The Never Ending Story. It even had some Terry Gilliam mixed in which, I enjoyed. I am also a huge fan of the story, Jack and the Beanstalk. I like seeing movies that get the kids involved, climbing on the couch which, is the beanstalk at home. We all had fun with the film.

It was nice to see Chevy Chase doing what he does best again.

I'm not saying it's going to be a classic but it was certainly better than I expected. The director Gary J. Tunnicliffe did a good job trying to make an old fashion feeling kids film.

For this being Collin Fords (who plays Jack) first film, he did a great job and really enjoyed him.

Give it a chance. I agree to the kids will like it more than adults.

A fairy tale character who is about to flunk out of fairy tale school, Jack must perform a heroic deed by Monday or fail miserably, just like his father before him. Anxious to make good, Jack sells his C.O.W. (Computer of Wonder) for a handful of magic beans and a mysterious book that records his adventures as he's having them.

It's a cross between a bad kids movie and sarcastic adult fare. There are many problems with this film. The production looks like a bad kids TV show. Much of the movie is colored too far to the yellow and made this look very tired. The sets look cheap and cheesy. Gilbert Gottfried as the golden egg laying goose is another one of the many problems. He is ill-fitting in this kids film. Then again the jokes are really stupid. Chloë Grace Moretz is playing a small role as the damsel in distress in the opening fantasy and Jillian who helps out in the quest. Colin Ford is OK if lacking in screen presence. And everybody is doing badly here which is disappointing considering the many favorite actors here. And this starts with an unreasonable modern dream sequence. If this takes place in an old fantasy land, why would he dream about the modern day. Like so many things here, it's best not to think about it.

You know how your granny complains that they never make nice films any more, that the whole family can sit down and watch? This was clearly designed by your granny, as something nice and old fashioned; the trouble is, I think the old bird's getting a bit senile.

It goes like this: Jack lives in fairyland, where everything is a fairy story, and he wants to be a hero. But in order to do so, he has to go on a quest and learn about things like Sacrifice and Perseverance and I'm sorry I just can't go on. I just can't.

It's not the clichéd plot that kills this movie. It's not even the hideous, explosion-in-a-cuteness-factory design of the sets. It's the acting, and the characters. They're just AWFUL. Jack himself is the kind of precocious brat who needs a good whack upside the head, but he's nothing compared to poor Christopher Lloyd, who is forced to explain every joke very slowly, over and over, as though he's speaking to an audience that's suffering from major brain damage. Lloyd is better than the frantically mugging Wallace Shawn, who plays multiple roles, all of them dreadful. Even that shameful performance is far, far better than Gilbert Gottfried, who is just insufferable as a human chicken. Did no one look at that character? Did no one think that maybe, just maybe, a movie with that horrible, screeching nincompoop at the centre of it might be a bad idea? The only cast member who comes out of this mess with any dignity intact is Chloe Moretz, who filmed this just before she went on to fame in Kick-Ass. I think it's safe to say she won't be putting this movie in her show reel, though.

This is an old-fashioned family film, in all the wrong ways. It's far too twee and cloying for adults, and much too cutesy for kids who have been brought up on the harder edges of Pixar or Disney movies. There's never any sense of even slight danger, so that it's impossible for adults or kids to get involved in the film. I wouldn't recommend letting your kids see Kick-Ass, but there are a thousand better movies for them than this.

Once you realise that the director works there n the make-up department for most of his life (and still today) you can see why this over acted, badly written, terribly cast sh*t flick is so bad. What you can't believe or understand is how he was allowed to direct it. There must be a much more interesting story there. The writers have only written animated scrips before, so no live film experience which explains why every character in the famous tale is so 1 dimensional. Cameos don't add anything and I sWear you can see the girls eyes moving in some scenes as she reads off dummy cards. Just crap.

GOOD INTERESTING STORY THAT IS FUN AND PRETTY EASY TO FOLLOW = 1/2 Star

MEMORABLE DIALOGUE = 1 Star

FEEL A PULL TO WATCH IT AGAIN = 0 Stars

MUSIC OR SCORE STANDS OUT = 1/2 Star

NO NOTICEABLE PLOT HOLES = 0 Stars

STORY GETS RESOLVED OR FEELS COMPLETE IN SOME WAY = 1 Star

I PERSONALLY LIKE OR FEEL A CONNECTION TO THIS STORY = 0 Stars

MEMORABLE OR LIKABLE CHARACTERS = 1 Star

MOST THINGS ABOUT THE STORY COULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN OR ARE BELIEVABLE = 0 Stars

STORY ISN'T BORING OR REPETITIVE = 0 Stars

A funny movie for kids that puts a whole new spin on Jack and the Beanstalk. There are many familiar faces in this film and it's a wonder why it bombed. The story is creative and somewhat funny even for adults. It's almost like a unintentional trippy movie to laugh at with friends. This story is cliche but so is the original story right?