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Truly, truly awful. I don't even know where to begin. This is a perfect example of a movie that doesn't know what to do with itself. I'm not sure I could even assign a category myself, except that I'm quite sure it's a slap in the face of everyone, every where. Even the unborn.

At times, I thought I was watching a parody, or some kind of farce. At times, just a bad B movie. But I kept holding out for the porno, which, I fear, is almost(but not entirely), non existent.

Some one advised skipping to the ending. I would definitely second that emotion. The last five minutes are intense, and certainly contain some of the best film making/cgi you will ever see, ever.

Ed Wood would be proud.

The movie starts in Mexico where a girl has been cursed, she spits on snakes thru green jello and her friend tries all these crazy spells to lift the curse. He does nothing but chant horrible language that does nothing, so they decide to cross the border get on the train to make their way to L.A. to see his uncle to lift the curse. Comic hilarity ensues. This movie has the same snakes over and over! It has garden snakes and pythons that will never bite. They all make the sound of rattlesnakes which makes no sense. The whole movie has some funny lines, some weak effects, but most important a great ending that leaves you like WHAM BAM WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED!!!!! The whole movie is about a 1, but the ending is a 10, so by my crazy math it gets a 3 overall. When blockbuster has nothing else you want, grab this for mindless entertainment!

So I was energized during my Snakes on a Plane weekend, after the movie we craved some more. Why not Snakes on A Train? How bad could it possibly be, its snakes probably killing people on trains. The snakes were supposed to be rattlers. First off me and my buddies thought the snakes were harmless garden snakes and pet snakes with the same cheesy rattling sound clip. We actually sat through the entire thing completely ready to turn it off (we're too lazy to walk over and hit eject). Next thing we knew we don't know what the heck was going on but something amazingly funny happens at the end. It's one of those endings that you'll rewind a few times just to squeeze the laughs out, because you suffered for so long.

Last 10 min a "8", rest of the movie a 2.

While I was watching SNAKES ON A TRAIN I found myself thinking on more than one occasion that this was seriously lame, the only other film I felt that way about was MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE and that was lame, and when it came to the halfway mark I reckoned this is really getting annoying with this Mexican chic puking green goo and also a snake here and there and with her boyfriend reciting an incantation like "Walla Bella green buns, ditty bitty fish sticks and add some garlic." but when it reached the end I found myself sporting the people's eyebrow and going what the hell just happened here?.

I think I was less confused with PARANORMAL ACTIVITY than with this film, I've often wondered what was so scary about PA but now I find myself wondering who would green light something like this to go into production? I wonder if I send these people my own script if they'd turn it into a movie, if they reject it I could always sue them for discriminating between smart people and village idiots.

Overall, consider this this film a passer by, if you see it at your local DVD retail or rental shop feel free to pass it by.

Let's get one thing straight, this gets an 7 out of 10 not on a normal scale, but out of the bad movie scale. this is the kind of movie you rent on purpose, where you intentionally walk in knowing that it is a horrendous knockoff and shun'd by everyone else.

I went in with one promise from the movie, that there will be snakes on a train, and it Delivers!

The gore itself is really good, and the characters have awesome roles. Come on, it has everything from stoned train pilots to teenage girls trafficking drugs, even a Electrical Engineer getting his pimp on! You get to see some topless nudity, explosions, snakes, gore, and a Mexican main lead running around curing his girlfriend by hitting his crack pipe and blowing the smoke in her face!! As I mentioned and many others have, the movie pacing is a bit off, but respectable nonetheless.

Movies like this keep our group tradition of banding together and all chipping in a buck or two to watch masterpieces such as this. There can be no better time spent then coming together to enjoy a good bad movie.

It could learn a thing or two from the likes of other such fine flicks as Alien Lock-down or Boa vs Python, but those are some big shoes to fill.

A solid 7 out of 10.

I happened to come across this movie by sheer blind luck, and of course this is a produced by The Asylum, who else would blatantly cash in on another movie with a similar plot, name and concept? After all, that is the trademark of The Asylum, is it not?

"Snakes on a Train" is, no surprise here, a low budget cash in and rip off on the other just slightly better movie "Snakes on a Plane", also from 2006. You know, the movie with Samuel L. Jackson. However, "Snakes on a Train" takes places on a train - doh!

The story is about two border jumpers from Mexico who are trying to get to Los Angeles in order to find a remedy for the ancient curse that is afflicting the woman border jumper. She is spewing out snakes, and these snakes turn rampart on the train, spreading havoc and mayhem.

I will say that the storyline, with its subplots and attempts to incorporate various themes, failed ultimately more horrible than the fail in "Snakes on a Plane". The story in The Asylum's "Snakes on a Train" was just all the more laughable and badly executed. And it didn't really help the movie along in any sense that the characters were as hollow and wooden as the acting skills of those attempting to portray them.

"Snakes on a Train" is bad through and through. And not for a single moment did I believe that the movie was actually taking place on a locomotive train. Not even once did you get to look outside the windows in the train to see the passing by landscape and scenery. All windows were, oddly enough, semi-glossy and non-transparent.

This movie is one to stay clear off, and it was a test of will to sit through this and keep watching it. I must admit that I eventually gave up and didn't finish the movie, because it was just that awful.

The cover illustration isn't a lie, in fact. In case you've never witnessed a movie in which an entire train (and not a small one, I may add) gets eaten by a preposterously humongous and pathetic looking CGI snake, here's your chance! Before you experience this, however, you'll have to struggle yourself through one of the most miserable and embarrassing pieces of trash ever made. There honestly aren't any words to describe how awful "Snakes on a Train" actually is. The script doesn't contain any coherence or logical development, the characters (as well as the actors and actresses depicting them) are pitiable morons and the special effects & action sequences are amateurish beyond comprehension. A female Mexican refugee and her lover illegally board a train from El Paso to Los Angeles. The woman has been cursed by her family, however, and she constantly barfs up thick green pea soup with little serpents in it. She needs to keep the serpents with her in order to survive, but some of them nevertheless slither away to the next carriages. Then, for some inexplicable reason, the little black snakes mutate into various species of enormous colorful snakes and begin to feast on the rest of the passengers. This is embarrassing, bottom-of-the-barrel stuff, quickly made to cash in on the unexpected huge success of "Snakes on a Plane", and I'm pretty sure the Mallachi Brothers improvised the script as they went along filming this nonsense. The handful of characters (100 passengers, my ass… More like 12 to 15) don't have a clue what they're doing or saying and one of them even mistakes a giant snake for an iguana. And it's boring. Don't ask me how a shoestring-budgeted film revolving on snakes in an isolated setting manages to be boring, but it is. The last couple of minutes are fun, but only if you're severely intoxicated.

Snakes on a Plane was such a well hyped film that it was both inevitable and a little crazy to try to release another movie with almost the same title in the same year let alone the same week. Reading the other comments here I see the results. A lot of people are mad. Mad because it doesn't have the best special effects. Mad because it doesn't have a star cast. Mad because they wanted to see Samuel Jackson say "I'm sick of these M^*&*&%-Er F*^(^%-Ing Snakes on this M^*&*&%-Er F*^(^%-Ing Train"!

Well, this sure ain't the Samuel Jackson version. And maybe that's good.

Snakes on a Plane was lost between cop film and horror, a family action film and a bloody gory movie of death. Saturday Night Live performers got laughs while Jackson swore enough to make a grandmother cover her ears, and as far as kids go, they would be traumatized by the violence.

Snakes on a Train however knew exactly what it was. This was a cheaply made horror movie on a train. Sure it had snakes and sure many of them were scientifically harmless garden snakes with fake rattler sound effects. But never once did it miss a step in its plot or intention where as the "on a Plane" version was tripping all over itself from the first scene on.

I did enjoy the over the top fun that Snakes on a Plane had to offer and I admit that the "...on a Train" version was a little dry. But hey, in trade, it was a cool and unexpected story. This little horror film could have gone way more wrong than it did.

For this it gets a 7 out of 10.