- Reginald P. Linux: My name is Reginald P. Linux. And ever since my wife died, I've been very depressed. This is why I've been searching for the house of my dreams. But as a philosopher once said, "Be careful what you dream for, because you just might get it".
- Police Officer: Hey, what are you still doing here? I told you to clear out of the doom house! Do you want to have this horror?
- Reginald P. Linux: "Doom house"?
- Police Officer: Yeah, doom house! You know that creepy doll? It's part of the doom house mystique, and you've got it in spades, so you get out. That's my advice as an officer of law.
- Reginald P. Linux: The doll that won't let me sleep? That doll?
- Police Officer: You seem like a man of many words. But let me tell you this, how about? If you don't move out of the doom house, it could spell your doom.
- Reginald P. Linux: "Doom house"?
- Police Officer: YEAH. DOOM.
- Reginald P. Linux: "Doom house"?
- Police Officer: [takes gate and leaves]
- Doll: I'm going to take your hair, and put it in a bowl!
- Police Officer: You seem like a man of many words, but let me tell you this how about. If you don't move out of the doom house, it could spell your doom.
- Police Officer: Hey Reginald P. Linux, how are you doing?
- Reginald P. Linux: A doom house?
- Police Officer: Hey... hey, sallyforth me if you're wrong, but you haven't moved out of the murder house... doom house... yet.
- Reginald P. Linux: But I just got a fixed rate mortgage!
- Police Officer: Yeah, doom!
- Reginald P. Linux: The doll and I have come to a gentleman's agreement
- [taps his neck secretively]
- Police Officer: [stares at Reginald]
- Police Officer: Reginald P. Linux, I heard you needed a cop.
- Reginald P. Linux: Yes.
- Police Officer: The first thing they teach you in the academy is to look at the crime scene... that's what we're doing. I think you have a lot of problems here. I'm trained, as a cop.
- Police Officer: Baggies! I've seen these before! You know... this is evidence! Evidence of... a DOOM HOUSE!
- Reginald P. Linux: A "doom house"?
- Police Officer: A DOOM HOUSE!
- Police Officer: You stubborn mule! Now you know the secret! I am a terrorist, and this house was built over our terrorist burial camp!
- Reginald P. Linux: But I just got a fixed-rate mortgage.
- Police Officer: You'd better move it, or lose it!
- [laughs maniacally]
- Reginald P. Linux: Playtime's over. Take this doll head, you towel-head.
- [throws doll]
- Police Officer: Well, my advice to you as a cop, is to move out of here. That's the only path I can see you taking. This will eat you up, and you'll die. Then you will be in a graveyard.