Massage Parlor Murders!

"Massage Parlor Hookers" (otherwise known as "Massage Parlor Murders!") is something of a disappointment, promising more titillation and trash than it ultimately delivers, so exploitation fanatics are advised not to get their hopes up too high before viewing it. It doesn't even show off that much female flesh. Even the one sex scene is rather tastefully done. The movie is very crude, yet undeniably it's so incredibly amusing at times that this helps to keep the rating fairly high.

Detectives Rizotti (George Spencer) and O'Mara (John Moser) are on the trail of a ghoul slaughtering the young lovelies who work in NYC's massage parlors. For Rizotti, it's personal: one of the victims, Rosie (soft core / hard core pro Chris Jordan) was a favourite of his. And O'Mara gets close and personal with Rosie's roommate Gwen (Sandra Peabody of "The Last House on the Left" '72).

Choppily edited and graced with a very loud, yet enjoyable music score, this movie does offer some entertainment. It can boast one good car chase in which the person doing the pursuing is clad only in a towel, a series of tacky murders including death by stabbing, a face smashed into a mirror, and acid poured over a lady's body, a memorable WTF moment where the detectives watch a masseuse with a client - a portly ballet dancer in a leotard who moves to the strains of "In the Hall of the Mountain King", and a priceless revelation where Rizotti finally figures out the motive behind the killings - while in church, no less. Brother Theodore has one hysterical scene as a potential suspect, and the movie also has some value as a curiosity: it's an early screen credit for prominent character actor George Dzundza, playing a client with the moniker of "Mr. Creepy". (Dzundza also takes an assistant director credit.)

Even at 80 minutes long, one CAN feel the padding on this thing. As adult fare goes, it's decent enough, but won't be as sleazy or as sexy as some viewers will want.

Seven out of 10.

OH this keeps happening to me. I had never heard of this movie. It had just been rereleased in UHD so I thought I will check it out, afterall it must be ok of they wouldn't waste the resources releasing a primo version of it.

Wrong wrong wrong!!!

Having watched it I can only guess that there was somekind of contractual agreement that made it necessary for them to release this bunk.

Its boring.

And, unfortunately it doesn't circle around to be so bad that its good.

This is a complete time waster and now that I am writing this review I am questioning why I gave it 3 stars, so I'm going to change it to 1 :)

I was in the mood for a bit of 1970s sexploitation when I found this odd piece of sleaze. Some nut is brutally killing the hard-working ladies staffing the city's massage parlors. We're treated to a generous supply of boobage with occasional bits of bush. Those displays are linked by the inept efforts of two cops and a handful of scenes seemingly drawn from a hat. Among them are a few poorly written and acted domestic spats; a ludicrous romance; perhaps the longest pointless car chase ever filmed; and performances below the bar even for the era and genre, including corpses still visibly breathing and a long, sloppily framed and edited nude/topless pool scene, wasting a whole lotta nekkedness from a whole lotta extras who had nothing to do with the plot.

But from the midst of that mess arises a brilliant off-the-wall rant from Theodore Gottlieb, early in the metamorphosis into his legendary Brother Theodore persona. If you know the character, that bit alone makes this clunker worthwhile. If you don't, dip your toe in his unrivaled churning waters of rage, non-sequiturs and wisdom. You may hate the guy's shtick, but your cultural education has a gaping hole until you've seen him.

The math for this four-star rating represents1 for the skin and 2 for Theodore, boosting what would otherwise deserve a 1.

Massage Parlor Murders - 1973 ( This Film Rates a B+) How cheap and sleezy can a low budget thriller/mystery from the early 1970's be? Set in New York City with all the nostalgic sights and sounds you crave. A realistic look at the seedy sexual underbelly of American culture. A crazed latex glove wearing killer hunts naughty massage parlor girls. He visits various parlors and wastes no time killing the girls. Two detectives try to figure out who and why. There is plenty of poor police conduct, no dusting for fingerprints, isolating the crime scene after the murders, beating up suspects with no proof of guilt and getting involved with women who are involved in the case. The blood is minimal, and the kills are nothing spectacular but effective enough for this film. Poor acting at times, other times fairly decent and some downright laughable. A short mediocre script with too much chatter and filler scenes. There are some weird WTF moments, the chase scene that came straight out of the CHiPS television series, the peep show at the 46-minute mark, the painfully overlong swingers pool party or the fact that the detectives leave a murder scene without the arrival of back up. The soundtrack has a variety of music genres and fit the film in an odd sort of way. It would serve well on vinyl. Plenty of perky boobage and bare butts plus full-frontal nudity. Typical, predictable, crude and enjoyable.

Massage Parlor Murders! (1973)

** (out of 4)

Mildly entertaining exploitation movie has a couple detectives trying to track down the person who is murdering massage parlor ladies. Soon one of the detectives gets involved with one of the girls and you just know who the killer is going to go after next.

MASSAGE PARLOR MURDERS!, also known as MASSAGE PARLOR HOOKERS, isn't the greatest exploitation film ever made but as long as you go into it with rather low expectations there's enough here to keep you entertained throughout its 80-minute running time. Obviously, if you're looking for a well-made picture then it's probably best that you watch something else but if you enjoy these types of low-budget, odd-ball movies then pull up a chair and enjoy.

The film benefits from having some very attractive ladies throughout the film and yes there's plenty of nudity from them. The nudity factor is never distasteful and it really just plays out as business as usual. The performances are obviously all over the place but it's interesting to see George Dzundza pop up a few years before THE DEER HUNTER. The violence and gore level is rather low, although the first murder is actually well-staged. I'd also argue that the ending played out nicely and delivers a good outcome for our creep.