Hood of Horror

Almost all the jokes can be seen as problematic these days. The "gore" was comical at best but annoying at worst... which was most of the time. The soundtrack was almost exclusively Snoop. The special effects look like something out of Birdemic. But hey, it's a Snoop horror movie. No durr it's gonna be this self-awareness circlejerk.

I wasn't even one stop light away from my DVD rental store when I looked at the passenger seat where my two day rental of Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror lay and I uttered out loud, "What the fudge was I thinking?" To caveat my beef before the meat of the review, I will come clean and say that I am not a hip-hop fan. I might find Snoop Dogg interesting and sometimes even fun (when I have come across him on late night television talk shows), but I ain't linin' up at no ticket counter looking to score wristbands for his next concert if you know what I am meaning. His acting is a give-or-take option. He was in horror before with 2001's Bones where he did an ample job of not putting me to sleep, but let's face it, the best that Snoop has ever been was in stupid comedies like Soul Plane and Starsky & Hutch, and in both of those carnations, he pretty much just played himself.

Strike two against an objective review was the fact that Hood of Horror was the fact that it was an anthology. Squeezing three stories into 84 minutes is like trying to squish a marshmallow through a keyhole. Eventually it will get through, but you will wonder at end if it was worth the effort. Like Twilight Zone : The Movie or Creepshow 2, movies that try and crop multiple television length stories into a compilation masked as a full length feature.

Strike three was the detailing of the three stories on the back of the DVD cover. All three stories were about as original as a Lindsey Lohan drug arrest. I immediately thought, "Why should I invest time in a film that doesn't look like it invested time in any creative new ideas?" But there I was. It was Saturday night and the Misses and I just had an argument over who was the better director between John Carpenter and Rob Zombie. She decided to pout upstairs and watch The Devil's Rejects while I retreated to the basement (better known as 'The Dungeon') where the cover art on Hood of Horror won out over any pay-per-view porn that would have been a quick option 2.

If I had my life to live over again…..

Hood of Horror's first story surrounds a young girl's revenge upon the neighborhood where her mother and father fell by way of the 'ole murder suicide number. As young Posie (Daniella Alonso) grew up, it seems her hatred from her environment nurtured inside her. When confronted with three street thugs who mark their territory by spray painting city walls, Posie tries to assert her own foot hold which lands her in the company of the always watchable Danny Trejo who is nice enough to adorn her with a tattoo that gives her the power to erase these hoodlums from the face of the earth in graphic fashion simply by X'ing out their graffiti with red paint. Booooooooorrrrrring! So in about 14 minutes we are mildly entertained as they go down 1-2-3 while stupid one-liners like "What a waste…..of beer" are rambled off with as much humor as a Michael Vick dog park.

Story two didn't get much better. The middle act surrounds an obnoxious heir to a fortune that must live with his father's army buddies for one year before reaping the benefits of his inheritance. The story was so ridiculous and so annoying that I won't even waste my time going into detail. Even the two one-liners "Anyone for Jiffy Pop" and "That's my kind of redneck" were comments that would even make Schwarzenegger blush.

The third and final act seemed to be the shortest and "thank god for that!" As I swarmed in and out of interested consciousness, it seemed the story was about a rap artist that had to pay for all his bad deeds of the past. When a former friend and now undead visitor from Hell comes back for a visit, the rapper revisits his badness and ultimately finds his demise in rather boring fashion. Jason Alexander from Seinfeld fame is around for a cameo which was about as out of place as Ozzy Osbourne would be as an English Teacher.

Snoop's Hood of Horror was not the worst horror film I have seen in a while, but it was close. Without any stories worth remembering or scenes worth pausing, it felt like an 80 minute excuse to promote some new hip-hop/rap songs. And if the best part of the film is the animated intro, then you can guess just how downhill and how fast this film fell.

Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror is a horror anthology in the vein of Tales from the Hood. Snoop Dogg plays the "crypt keeper" role in this horror anthology.

I like the first story the best. A young woman is given a "special gift". She ends up abusing her new gift and becomes as bad as the people she was originally trying to stop. This tale features Danny Trejo (From Dusk Till Dawn) and Billy Dee Williams (Star Wars: the Empire Strikes Back).

The next tale finds a spoiled young man forces to move in with his father's old Vietnam buddies before he can gain his inheritance. The young man and his girlfriend treat the vets poorly. Ernie Hudson (The Hand That Rocks the Cradle, Ghostbusters) stars in this story.

The third and final story involves a young man who trades everything for success. Diamond Dallas Page (The Devil's Rejects), Lin Shaye (Critters), and Jason Alexander (The Burning) star in this tale.

Snoop Dogg is featured in the wrap around scenes.

Despite the solid cast, I found Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror be rather slow.

Now, I don't want to say this is the worst movie ever, but it's pretty bad. If it weren't for a couple redeeming qualities, this movie would be at the very bottom of the barrel.

First of all, if the production value weren't so good, it wouldn't have even received the one showing it did. The production value is top notch. If it didn't involve Snoop Dogg, Danny Trejo, Jason Alexander, and a handful of other cool B-stars, then this movie wouldn't even be heard of. But it does. There is also one death that I didn't see coming. The others are terribly executed, no pun intended.

The opening sequence, while cool looking, is ages too long. Snoop is his usual double g self. "Keepin it real," as it were. Some of the acting is down right laughable, namely Posie. And at times the director chooses to use clichéd camera tricks for seemingly no reason, other than to disorient you in a scareless horror flick.

Intentional laughs, none. Scares, none. Smile worthy cheesy moments, a couple.

Was it worth paying to see in the theatres? No. Is is worth paying for to rent? No. But is it worth getting your favorite style of intoxicated and watching it with a group of friends? Almost.

Now first things first, I love Snoop as a Rap artist but mostly his album "Doggystyle" is the quintessential rap album. Now this movie is terrible in so many ways. The acting is some of the worst I have ever seen. The directing was worse than a soap opera, and the stories are pointless and boring. I can see why this went Direct-to-DVD, because it is that bad. This reminds me of a poor mans "Tales from the Hood." There is nothing even mildly entertaining about this garbage either! I don't know why Snoop continues to try and act and produce movies that couldn't be shown on the Sci-Fi channel at Midnight! How this got made is beyond me. Please whatever you do, don't waste your time on this absolute garbage. I would recommend you try watching the above mentioned "Tales from the Hood" which is ten times more entertaining than this, and even that isn't that great, but it makes that look like a masterpiece.