Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet

It's apparent after only a few minutes of watching this mess that the filmmakers just didn't care about the final product. Yes, I recognize that this film was meant as a soft core porn, and that engrossing plots rarely occur in this type of film, but this is simply a disaster from start to finish.

Occasionally, the film tries to be funny, but when a farting and defecating dinosaur is the comedic highlight, you know your film isn't funny. Slightly more often, we'll get some dialogue in an attempt to fake a plot. But the main reason for this type of movie is obviously the nudity and sex, and here, it fails, too.

Sure, there is frequent nudity from the generally unappealing cast, but the sex scenes are, to be very kind, weak. It's bizarre watching a film when the women are all so ready, willing, and experienced at on screen nudity, and then seem so hesitant to even touch each other. It's almost as if the cast was repulsed by one another, the simulated sex was so wholly unbelievable. Observing a breast exam would probably be more erotic than this.

So, if you're looking for lame fake sex featuring mediocre-looking women along with pitifully bad writing, acting, and comedy, this film is for you. Otherwise, do yourself a favor and watch a Surrender Cinema film next time you want soft porn. Admittedly, their plots are awful, too, but at least the women are attractive in their movies.

By all that is unholy, this was so bad it was literally painful to watch. But I suppose with a personal digital video camera and some willing performers (not actors, as the acting here was just heinous), then you can make a video.

The story was unbelievably stupid. Some scientists were traveling to a planet to study lesbian Neanderthals. Right, well let's just see what went wrong here. First of all, the CGI for the spaceship and outer space was just abysmal and looked like something from a computer game back in the 1990's. And the dinosaurs, are you kidding me? I have never seen anything that bad.

As for the Neanderthals themselves, right, well I didn't know that those primitives had silver rings, pierced ears with jewelry in them, and factory cut and sewn panties. Not to mention painstakingly obviously dyed hair colors.

Everything just screams bad here. This isn't just low budget, it is far beyond that. Yeah, this is meant as soft core porn, I get that, but come on; there is bad and then there is this! There is no acting in the video at all - notice how I don't use the term movie, because this just doesn't qualify as that - and it is all just about showing off women getting busy with one another. And it seems like this would be something that should have been aired late, late at night on a scrambled and obscure TV channel.

"Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet" is just not worth the time or effort.

Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet is the story of alien anthropologists come to Earth in it's primitive past to study prehistoric lesbian societies. It's soft-core porn so I can live without a plot, that isn't my gripe... it's everything else: the girls aren't attractive (they range from 3-5 on a scale to 10), the fake sex isn't titillating and the costumes look like someone ripped up a jungle print bed sheet.

The fake sex is so fake it's laughable. We watch a tedious 5 minutes of a cavegirl licking another cavegirl's breast, another tedious 5 minutes of cavegirl grinding another cavegirl's face into her lower stomach (it's supposed to be oral sex), more tedious minutes watching a cavegirl jabbing a fake bone under a cavegirl's left butt cheek while said girl lays with her legs open (bone dildo sex I guess). And worst of all, even the kissing is fake with the girls occasionally touching tongue tips and maybe bumping lips.

Maybe I'm radical here but why bother doing a movie like this with fake sex. Hire some real porn stars and edit the sex content down to where you want it; it might be lame still, but at least it would be real.

This flick here is one that people do search so therefore I will review another Tina Krause flick that not that many people has seen. Chloroformed And Cloned Co-Ed. It is out on shock-o-rama VHS and is OOP and very obscure. It's just a piece of trash with really bad acting but what makes it collectible is the fact that Tina Krause is in it, known for her nudity and that is what she does here. From the first minute until the last minute she is walking around with her juggs to show. Only a few times she goes full frontal. The tape I received didn't had any year on it it was made and there's nothing to find on the Web.

The story goes that Suzy Johnson (Tina Krause) and her boyfriend are adding some new kicks towards there sexlife. But Suzy ends up dead after an experiment with chloroform and electrocution. A deranged medical student clones Suzy 16 times. But they all escape and enters a house with a German butcher who only likes to violate them. The story looks promising but it all looks like a spoof. Bad bad acting and only the juggs of Tina are acting better than the thespians themselves. It's ultra low budget, just look at the electrocution scene, the light goes out and back on and it repeats but you can easily hear that someone is playing with the switch.

Total crap but collectible due a few reasons, first, Tina Krause, but also in the acting is John Bacchus who went further to direct a lot of erotic spoofs and flicks. Maybe the best known Play-mate Of The Apes (2002). Alan Spence just turned up one more time as cinematographer in The Vampire's Seduction (1998). Joe Ned aalso went further as writer and producer in the erotic business. G.W Lawrence was also involved but can't say if it was him as seen in Play Dead (1998)?

If you want to see early shock-o-rama's just before Misty Mundae became involved, also seen a lot together with Tina Krause then it's a hunt worthy. Give it 2 on 10

Gore 0/5 Nudity 3/5 Effects 0/5 Story 1/5 Comedy 0/5

You can never go wrong with the staff picks here.

This movie has it all. I recommend to anyone looking for a great night in.

Beauty, brains, and a plot that kicks ass.

Misty Mundae as Oook and Lilly Tiger as Una hold together this thrill a minute pile driver of a flick.

Watch IT Remember IT Watch it Again IT rocks from start to finish

IF you find the plot hard to follow just rewind and start again, if you still can't figure it this movie is not for you.

This is not just another Girls gone wild, trip to cancun, this is the real deal