Snakes on a Plane

I'm calling this an "experience" rather than a "review", because a review wouldn't really encapsulate how enjoyable this movie is. If I was forced to review the movie, I'd talk about how slow it is in the beginning, how although some of the dialog is witty quite a lot of it is hackneyed (a scene with SLJ telling JM to "Be strong" was especially cringe-worthy), and the climax didn't have a lot of tension and was a bit disappointing. Five stars out of ten sounds about right, and is perhaps a bit generous.

But I came out of the movie with a smile on my face, because it was fun. The audience was really, really into it. When the title of the movie appeared, everyone cheered (I haven't seen that happen in a movie theater since Episode 1). Every over-the-top "death by snake" was cheered and applauded. The people who were going to die were fairly easily identified, and people eagerly awaited their death scenes. (In a nod to the movie writers, I expected one character to die for being a complete jerk, and they surprised me by having that character survive.) And, as could be expected, when SLJ delivers his much-discussed line towards the end of the film, the audience cheered throughout its entire delivery. I laughed; it was just fun to listen to the audience.

This is not a movie you download via BitTorrent. This is not a movie you watch on cable, or rent via DVD. This is a movie you watch in a crowded movie theater. Because only then will it be fun; only then will the energy of the movie and the audience make the experience worthwhile.

I'm confident that "Snakes on a Plane" will prove once and for all that Internet culture and mainstream culture are not one and the same.

Because, my friends, the Internet will tell you that SOAP (as those in the know call it) is a classic film - the best "bad movie" ever made. But I think any more sensible member of the general public will tell you that SOAP is nothing more than a mildly competent action movie. It's not hysterically funny. It's not scary. It's occasionally exciting. And it sure ain't a "10" on the IMDb scale.

Don't misunderstand me; I had fun watching the movie. I was even willing to be generous, until I saw the outrageously high rating on this site and all the strangely gushing reviews. Frankly, I'm a bit astonished. Why heap such praise on this particular film? If you love camp, over-the-top action movies, then why not worship a camp action film that's actually good? ("Wrath of Khan" springs to mind - also "Batman.")

The truth is that parts of SOAP are pretty lame. Samuel L. Jackson is good, but his role is weirdly small. And, aside from his one power catchphrase, most of his dialog is banal and dull. The rest of the actors aren't even worth commenting on, since they're stuck with stock and boring "funny" characters.

Speaking of dull, how many different ways can snakes really kill someone? They hiss...they lunge...they bite...over and over and over again. It's not particularly cinematic. And most of them are fake CGI anyway, so they're not even remotely frightening.

Face it, the only reason to see this is because it's camp and bad. It's part of the whole culture of worshiping lame junk that's prevalent right now. It's hip to like terrible garage bands and lame movies because people are either too impatient, or too unsophisticated, to take the time to absorb entertainment that's actually artistic. So we watch and listen to junk, and imagine that we're superior to it, and that makes us feel good. Apparently.

Is there anything wrong with liking junk? Not really - I review and praise junk on this site all the time. But putting junk on a pedestal? That's very, very wrong.

Sermon over.

Anyone who's seen this movie and given it a 10 may feel good about themselves for promoting what obviously started as an underground film, but an honest look will show you that this movie is grossly overrated. Before I get labeled as someone who "just doesn't get it" concerning this movie, I'd like to explain what I expected: a movie with everything over-the-top: Violence, cursing, and (most importantly) Samuel L. Jackson. What I got was glimpses of the movie I expected interspersed with, unfortunately, what looked like real attempts at plot and character development. Especially painful was watching the rap star's transformation from good guy to bad and back to good again. Pointless, it added nothing to the film. What hurt the most, though, was a lack of Mr. Jackson. He was in the movie, but other than the one expected line towards the end of the film, there really wasn't anything else that was quotable in there. I thought he'd be cursing and killing snakes left and right, but by the time he finally said his "mother *beep* snakes" line, the audience's cheering where I watched it was half-hearted as though to say "well, that was good, but where were all the other parts I came here to cheer for?" Most of the "extreme" scenes felt forced (just think about the line from the guy who pees on the snake), while all it would have taken to make this movie awesome was to not hold back or strive for "acting" or "plot". I gave the movie a 5 because, come on, Sam Jackson is the man and, admittedly, there were some pretty damn funny parts... but I really wanted to rate this higher. The idea was great, but I didn't feel it came close to the hype. Instead, I left feeling like I'd just watched all the deleted scenes of a great movie that just didn't measure up to the finished product.

Oh my god. I think I might still be a little excited, since I just got back from the advance screening of Snakes on a Plane. I want to preface this review by saying that IT'S NOT SERIOUS. DO NOT go to this film expecting to see some great, dramatic film because you'll be let down. However, if you want to go and see Samuel L. Jackson kick the holy sh*t out of snakes (on a plane) then this is the film for you. It's dumb B-movie summer fun, and it delivered it by the truckload. It knows it isn't serious (with that title, how could it be), and honestly, the whole time everyone involved is just having FUN with it. So go, sit back, have fun, and see some snakes (on a plane).

The plot on this bad-boy is razor thin with a pathetic, throw-away villain. After witnessing a murder, Sean (Nathan Phillips) is taken into protective custody by the FBI and more specifically, Jackson's Neville Flynn. He has to be flown from Hawaii to LA to testify and blah, blah, blah. Who cares, right? No one, seriously, NO ONE. Our villain, Eddie Kim, is worthless. We get two minutes or so of screen time from him. He's not the villain; the SNAKES are the villains!!!!! The real fireworks start when we GET ON THAT PLANE. You all know what's going to happen, so they don't waste (much) time building up to it. Eventually the snakes (on the plane) are released. People are bitten in hilarious and very painful fashion. Samuel L. Jackson has to control the situation in that bad-ass way that only he can, and he disposes of the snakes in downright hilarious ways (which I won't spoil, you have to see it to believe it). Most of your characters are generally stereotypes and some of the acting is wooden. Most of the characters are very clichéd and stupid as well, and they don't do the most logical things in the situations they are presented. But that's not what you care about. THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT! What is important, is the fact, that there are SNAKES... ON A PLANE! It's cheesy, B-movie fun, and don't let anyone tell you any different. You want to see snakes on a plane, you're going to see snakes on a plane. Period. It also plays homage to some Jackson flicks of old, I'll let you decide which ones, since the scenes are obviously set up in that way. Try to think of other films Jackson has been in with reptiles.

The special effects were PRETTY good; it was obvious when you were looking at a CGI snake or a real snake, that much I can tell you. But it didn't matter. It doesn't take you out of the movie at all. The action is as good as you can expect from people whooping snakes and vice-versa. It was a good thriller, they kept it moving and didn't slow down, and they kept the tension riding high throughout the film. And it's FUNNY. It's funny if you expect it to be cheesy fun, and it is, and I was constantly laughing throughout. Even as snakes (on a plane) are killing people, you're laughing at it. It was just that good.

I don't know what else I can say about this, except that if you have the chance, SEE THIS FILM OPENING WEEKEND. Get a crowd in there that wants to have good, dumb, popcorn-movie fun and you will have a blast. My theater was off the hook, and it's seriously the most fun I've had at the movies in longer than I can remember. Go into this film knowing what it is and watch it with exactly that in mind and you'll have a GREAT time. Expect nothing from it and just let yourself have fun for a couple of hours. This film won't be the darling of the critics; it wasn't pre-screened because the makers KNOW what this film is and what they expect from it. I can't think of another instance where a film drew this kind of buzz on its title alone, and where everyone who went to see it completely knew it was going to be "so bad it's good." And it really is. Kudos to the studio that ordered re-shoots after all the buzz on the internet kicked in, it really shines. And thanks for the "line" which is quoted at the head of the review. Everyone in my theater said it with him, and EVERYONE was cheering.

Snakes on a Plane has landed. And it's good summer fun. With snakes. On a plane. Eight out of ten stars.

• Sgt. Fluffy

"Snakes on a Plane" is a movie that practically reviews itself. The concept is the pitch, and the pitch is the movie. Snakes, a plane, and Samuel L. Jackson. Simple as that. The problem? The execution doesnt live up to the hype.

The film is far too restrained. It doesnt lean into its campy premise enough to be hilarious, nor does it crank up the tension to become a proper thriller. The movie sticks to a pretty safe formula. Predictable kills, mediocre effects, and a thunderstorm because of course theres a thunderstorm.

"Snakes on a Plane" is definitely best enjoyed in a packed theater, watching it solo on the couch? Not the same vibe.