Out of Reach

I feel so ashamed...I watched this movie from beginning to end. What can I say? I'm an idiot. I could have spent the time doing something much more enjoyable, like blinding myself with toothpicks or drinking lit Sterno. But, no, I watched and I suffered.

Segal's acting was never passable and his movie scripts were always formulaic and tedious, but his mastery of Aiki-Jitsu made the movies great. Now, he relies on gun battles almost completely. I think it's because he has trouble lifting his arms. The use of a double was so apparent throughout the film one has to wonder if Segal spent more than a weekend in Poland working on this movie. They even had a double dubbing his lines. But, to his voice double's credit, he did do a superb job of getting Segal's voice exactly, perfectly wrong. Either he's so fat that he can't breath deeply enough to talk (can you say Orson Wells and Marlon Brando) or they couldn't keep the food out of his mouth long enough to record the tracks. Judging from his sweaty, greasy, bloated and just plain frightening close-ups, what time he spent in Poland was most likely spent at the blini stand. Really, he looks like a Mr. Potato Head that's been dipped in oil. I think he has become the evil clone of Elvis. A huge, disgusting mockery of the genre. Unlike Elvis, though, he never really had talent. His self-created persona of the "Special Ops Killer" turned Ghandi is wearing so thin that even Paris Hilton has more credibility. However, I'll bet Segal's breasts are bigger.

Another point... I don't understand going to another country to make a cheap movie. There isn't anything in this movie that isn't here in America. We have lots of nice buildings and plenty of lousy, unknown actors. But, it seems the really bad American movies have to be made in foreign countries. Perhaps his next movie can be filmed in Nauru or Tuvalu. Or, even better, how about in his backyard using his cell phone camera? Can't be any worse.

Here are a few title suggestions for his next movie:

1) Out of Breath 2) Out of Ideas 3) Out of Cheetos 4) Out of His Mind 4) Hard to Watch 5) Out to Lunch 6) The Fatriot 7) Belly of the Star 8) Box of Clementines 9) Today You Diet 10) Enormous Shadow Man 11) Heart Attack Force 12) Fat of Fury and, of course... 13) Marked for $1.99

We all know what the story line will be.

This film begins with a retired CSA agent by the name of "William Lansing" (Steven Seagal) enjoying some peace and quiet in a wildlife refuge area with few outside distractions. However, when a young Polish orphan that he was sponsoring by the name of "Irena Morawska" (Ida Nowakowska) mysteriously stops writing to him, he becomes concerned and decides to travel to Poland to investigate the situation. To his dismay, he soon discovers that Irena has been kidnapped by a sophisticated network of human traffickers who know how to use their connections to remain hidden from the law. Additionally, it's also at this time that some former colleagues appear on the scene with a serious grudge to settle with him which then complicates things even further. Now rather than reveal any more I will just say that this was a rather strange crime-drama which suffered from an uneven plot and poor direction. To that extent, while I typically like Stevan Seagal films, I must say that I was somewhat disappointed with this particular one and for that reason I have rated it accordingly. Slightly below average.

After the semi-entertaining,back to basics approach of Belly of the Beast it appeared that Seagal was on a minor comeback.Then along comes out of reach to flush all that down the toilet.

Seagal is a retired agent(how many times can one man play a retired agent!!!)who crashes a human slavery ring in Poland headed by Matt(Transporter)Shultze.Get ready for some bone-breaking,gun-fighting,neck-breaking mania that never happens.Its not that it is totally boring,just unexceptional.

Out of reach is missing a lot of the trademarks that make up a Steven Seagal movie.Not a lot of hand to hand action.More gunfighting instead. The final Mano a Mano between Shultze and Seagal is just modest at best.Seagal actually takes a few hits.The setting seems like the same faceless location of his last three movies.

Seagal is a little better here.He handles the fights okay.But the dubbing and the raspy voice make one question his health.Ida Nowakowska holds her own and does a pretty good acting job as the cop helping Seagal.Matt Schultze is the best thing Out of reach has going for it.He plays a nasty villain as usual with high potential.But ends up wasted and Ill used.

Good Idea undone by producers?Bad Director?Star?Who knows.It had some potential.Its mauled by one of those freeze-frame-feel good endings.

I paid nearly 4 bucks to rent this and I don't feel good.

Seagal reaches a new low in "Out of Reach" in which he plays a guy with a past (we don't know what exactly) who hangs out in a forest and looks for injured animals so he can heal them while communing with nature. He also corresponds via snail mail with a young girl in a Polish orphanage. When she is sold into slavery, Seagal has to travel to Poland where, of course, he gets to hang out with a babe, shoot it out with a bunch of heavies, and do some hokey martial arts stuff as well as try to act and conceal his big, fat gut. A sorry attempt at film making, "Out of Reach" has too many deficits to list here. Suffice it to say this B-flick is probably not worth your time and will probably be the last Seagal flick I'll be watching. (C-)

The second piece of Seagal action to come out this year, the second dire straight to video offering from him as well. While Belly Of The Beast had some enjoyment laughing at the over the top action this film is so painfully bad that it is almost upsetting. Now I have never been the biggest Seagal fan. Having said that I have enjoyed watching his earlier films. They were pure dumb and ultra violent films with an enjoyably pretentious moralistic attitude. Seagal had that kind of Italian American, Brooklyn tough guy thing going on, his kind of De Niro and Brando impersonation. Since Under Siege though, he has become the eco-Zen- Warrior with absolutely no personality. He was in decent shape as well, never the ripped muscle man like Arnie, Sly and Van Damme but a real man kind of size and he was very quick. The action scenes in those films were brutal and slick and we would see in full glory the aikido from Seagal. Nowadays Seagal, after one two many pies, is looking very withered and old and overweight. In modern Seagal fights the are film extremely tightly with the odd wide shot featuring his stunt double and is edited in such a way to hide the fact that he is just not quick enough anymore. Seagal looks tragically bloated and sweaty and almost repugnant. I cannot see how even the most ardent Seagal fan could be anything but devastated seeing him do films like this and looking the way he does. Somehow he still sells a movie but at this rate it won't be for long.

Out Of Reach is the worst Seagal film ever, and considering Ticker, Foreigner and Out For A Kill, that takes some doing. This is a film that even z grade action men like Lorenzo Lamas and Don Wilson would want scratched off their CV. The plot has Seagal as a former government agent who runs a animal shelter (oh my god, when will he realize he's not captain planet.). He then finds out that a young girl who he is pen pals with (isn't that a horrible picture, an old sweaty git having correspondence with a little girl) is kidnapped and sold as a slave, Seagal has to come out of retirement and stop the bad guys who are lead by Matt Schulze. The film despite being a reasonable 20 million dollar budget looks painfully cheap. The film is so lazily put to together and Seagal is so bad it beggars belief. There are so many signs that he can't be bothered and is past it, form constant doubling, lazy use of a stand in and several moments when he is clearly dubbed, probably because he whispers through the while film and you can't hear him. The only times you hear what Seagal is saying is when he is being dubbed. He really doesn't want to be their and being the big name of such a crappy little picture no-one would have told him to pull his finger out. Someone needs to slap him and tell him that for the money he his paid and that they plough into his movies his fans expect a lot more. He is currently the top earner and audience grabber of the straight to video action market but if he continues like this he will be overtaken by Van Damme and Lundgren and others below them. There are rumours his next film, Into The Sun is to be distributed to theaters by his beloved Warner Brothers but I really don't see it. It is tragic and says a lot about the industry that they could make the biggest pile of poo known to man and sell it simply by plastering his ugly mug on the front.

I watched this simply out of curiosity and merely because it was a Seagal film, these DTV stars release these films and although they are generally bad there has to be a certain minimal standard of enjoyment. Van Damme, Lundgren are keeping this up with their recent efforts, but Seagal who has the highest expectations must up his game or retire. He certainly is not convincing as a tough guy any more. *