- Julian Noble: The margaritas always taste better in Mexico.
- Danny Wright: They certainly do.
- Julian Noble: Margaritas and cock.
- Julian Noble: [after flirting with some Mexican schoolgirls] I hate these Catholic countries. All blushy-blushy no sucky-fucky.
- [trying to convince Danny to help him on a hit]
- Julian Noble: Come on! It'll be a good time!
- Danny Wright: Oh, so now killing people is a good time?
- Julian Noble: ...Can be.
- Julian Noble: I need a break. There's no retirement home for assassins is there? Archery at four. Riflery at five.
- Bean: Aren't we fucking cosmopolitan? Having a trained assassin stay overnight. Letting heartbreaking lies roll over us like a summer breeze.
- Danny Wright: [discussing possible escape routes] That door over there, if it weren't locked.
- Julian Noble: A Vietnamese girl I once knew had her legs so locked together I couldn't get a whiff of her spring roll. Two drinks, half a quaalude later, I was at an all you can eat buffet. Every lock can be broken. It's just a matter of will and whether it's worth it.
- Julian Noble: Yeah, whatever, goodbye, scoodoodle!
- Ten Year Old Boy: See you, would'nt wanna be you.
- Julian Noble: Smell ya, shouldn't have to tell ya.
- Mr. Randy: Did you study the assignment?
- Julian Noble: No, I shredded it. Then I humped the bellboy on the room service cart.
- Mr. Randy: Goddamn it, Julian, you leave the game, even for a while, I don't know if they'll gonna let you back in. And then what the hell are you gonna do? Waste your days picking up illiterate teenagers for suck-and-fuck sessions behind the Old Navy store?
- Julian Noble: Sounds delightful to me.
- Julian Noble: Now, escape routes.
- Danny Wright: Escape routes?
- Julian Noble: Well you don't want to get caught right?
- Danny Wright: Oh, right.
- Julian Noble: Don't get caught. It sucks.
- Danny Wright: [after just learning Julian lied about having a wife] I mean, what else is a lie?
- Bean: Are you even an assassin?
- [a tree crashes through the kitchen as Danny and Bean make love on the table]
- Danny Wright: Still horny?
- Genevive: Mr. Noble, how are you today?
- Julian Noble: More importantly, how are you...
- [looks at nametag]
- Julian Noble: ...Genevive?
- Julian Noble: An assassin without confidence is a horrible thing to behold. It's like a relief pitcher who fumbles the ball.
- Danny Wright: Please tell me you know you mixed two sports in a metaphor.
- Julian Noble: Huh? Yeah, I can't do that.
- Julian Noble: I want to retire to a beautiful little Greek island, filled with beautiful little Greeks!
- Julian Noble: My handler, Mr. Randy, contacted me the way he always does, through an ad in the International Tribune looking for cat sitters in Bali.
- Bean: Did You bring your gun?
- Julian Noble: Yes, as a matter of fact.
- Bean: May I see it?
- Julian Noble: Really?
- Bean: Yes, please.
- Julian Noble: I didn't mean to weird you out. I was wrong, please. I just get paranoid sometimes. I'm drunk. I'm tired, and I've just been fornicating for the past two hours, and before that I was doing shit - horrible business shit.
- Hotel Bartender 1: How you here for business or pleasure, sir?
- Julian Noble: My business is my pleasure.
- Danny Wright: My luck... My luck has been so bad. If we don't get this job I don't know what I'll do. I think you're right - I'm afraid I might lose Bean.