- Tanya Turner: Just when Chardonnay was beginning to think you might be a human bloody being!
- Jason Turner: Chardonnay... thinking?
- [Laughs]
- Jason Turner: What, with her singed tits?
- Tanya Turner: Just a friendly warning for the future, you go anywhere near my husband again and it'll take more than Botox to sort your face out!
- Frank Laslett: I think you should be my agent, I'm the one who needs an image makeover.
- Hazel Bailey: Sorry Frank, even if you gave both your kidneys to dying babies you'd still smell like a septic tank.
- Tanya Turner: I've decided there is only one man for me..."Charlie".
- Hazel Bailey: Come on love, let's be fair to dicks, they're great bits of tackle.
- Tanya Turner: It's what's on the end of them that's the problem.
- Hazel Bailey: I know that's why I keep mine in my handbag.
- Jackie Pascoe: Going out with a page three model is one thing but getting married to one is embarrassing.
- Hazel Bailey: You're late.
- Jason Turner: Yeah... traffic
- Hazel Bailey: Car knocked over a cyclist outside Piccadilly tube, you, being a good Samaritan stopped and dialed 999... if you're going to make an excuse, spin it so you win it.
- Jason Turner: All right Lara Croft?
- Freddie Hauser: Oh, so you are still speaking to me after I drop kicked your testicles down the back of your throat?
- Amber Gates: I can't believe she's having a Caesarean now, she knows I'm in labor
- Janette Dunkley: Her little one's in distress
- Amber Gates: So would you be if you were her baby.