U.S. Seals II

Nu Image were once the most prolific producers of bland action films for the video market. They followed in the footsteps of Cannon films and PM Entertainment, emerging in the early 90s with their own stable of stars and distinctive low-budget aesthetics. The identifiable Nu Image style was a result of their reliance on dated methods of filmmaking, recycled themes and their recourse to South African and Eastern European production locations. U.S. Seals 2 is just one of many military action films made to this formula and it is the manner by which it exceeded expectation that has led many to highlight it as a minor classic in American action film history. Director Isaac Florentine has shown a great deal of promise in his career so far, despite failing to produce a 100% satisfactory product in my opinion, his work is notable for the injection of Hong Kong-style action choreography. U.S. Seals 2 was something of a breakthrough in his career and still one of his best films. An in name/theme only sequel to a typically dire Nu Image production, U.S. Seals 2 manages to surprise and amaze with its fight choreography, courtesy of Andy Cheng, a former member of Jackie Chan's exemplary stunt team. The film has many flaws, action clichés are present in abundance and the story is merely an excuse; the plot is a hybrid of Thunderball (Terence Young, 1965), The Rock (Michael Bay, 1996), Enter the Dragon (Robert Clouse, 1973), Broken Arrow (John Woo, 1996) and M-1:2 (John Woo, 2000). The characters and their actions are all drawn from familiar paradigms; from the hero who re-enters military service to face an old adversary, to the dying soldier who pleads for a message to be passed to his beloved. While some may be unable to stifle laughter during a viewing, Florentine and Cheng (co-starring and serving as 2nd unit director) deliver undeniably impressive action scenes that ensure this is a must see. If you approach it in the correct frame of mind you will applaud the creativity and forgive the flaws in logic. This is a martial arts film that requires an excuse to unite a team of skilled professionals to perform almost super-human feats. As such the plot is constructed on the premise that the villain is hiding out on an abandoned island, clouded in a methane gas. This means that guns are not permitted, requiring hand-to-hand combat. Genius. Unfortunately the concept is weakened by the fact that chains and bladed weapons are clashed with aplomb. But oversights in common sense just make this even more fun!

When I decided to see this movie, I was under the impression that it was an action movie. After about 5 minutes I was convinced that this had to be a comedy. Stupid one-liners like "We're warriors, we can't be held to the normal standard", or "No regret, only honor" made me certain that it was. I could not believe that anyone would make a movie like this, without it being a comedy. I first thought it was a good comedy, very subtle and not too slapstick.

Then it started dawning on me. It wasn't actually funny, just stupid. I checked back to imdb.com to see, and it being listed as an action movie, and not a comedy, was probably the funniest thing about it.

From the ludicrous (Adj. "Laughable or hilarious because of obvious absurdity or incongruity.") camera-angles to the boring and unoriginal plot, over to the choreography that has to had been done by a couple of monkeys, this movie was sheer torture to watch, and I feel that my time on this earth is valuable, and not worth wasting on filth like this.

It is a waste of time and money, unless you feel like watching a good example of how NOT to make a movie.

After watching movies like Hard Boiled, The Killer, Saving Private Ryan, and the mini-series called Band of Brothers, you would think that the standards of action-scenes had been raised, above this stereotypical nonsense which is closer to the early 80s low-budget era.

Finally, I just have to mention this; what was with all those swoosh-sounds? A guy raises an arm and you hear a swoosh-sound, like a big log has been swung past your ear. What the heck?! Same thing when a guy gets into a car, or someone turns around. Stupid stupid stupid.

I could probably point out dozens of examples of how this movie is both unbelievably unrealistic and stupid, but quite frankly, I think I've wasted enough time on this crap.

US Seals II stars Michael Worth as as a commando who uses his martial arts skills to take on a former marine/martial arts expert(Chapa) who has taken a scientist hostage (Notice how the scientist is a sexy chick who looks more like a kindergarten teacher than a scientist, with big boobs, no less) so that she can help him turn a missile nuclear however the catch is that there is so much flammable air that one cannot light a cigarette let alone fire a gun (Or for that matter a nuclear missile) so Worth gathers a gang of martial artists as well as Marhall Teague (The film's best character) who is armed with acid paintball guns (Thinking about this movie logically will get you nowhere) and to which the seals take on the terrorists with martial arts battles. I actually probably wouldn't have reviewed this had I not clicked on "Michael Worth" and had seen that he was in this, which I had subsequently caught on HBO (Or Showtime, or something...) I remember enjoying the action sequences as well as the stupidity here. Indeed U.S Seals II is so silly it makes Issac Florentine's other efforts i've seen (Desert Kickboxer, Cold Harvest and Bridge Of Dragons) seem like works of supreme intelligence. The movie is full of plot holes, it is reported that you can't shoot guns but this doesn't stop our villain from smoking or launching a nuke. Worst of all is when the film tries to concern itself with characters, who don't register anything towards reality. (Teague's character aside) still it has lots of action and it has tons of carnage, so in other words this is perfect for the action fan looking for a guilty pleasure but little else. I haven't seen any of the other U.S Seals movies but despite enjoying this goofy entry, I still doubt i'll be seeking these out.

* * out of 4-(Fair)

This movie is no where near as terrible as everyone else makes it out to be.

The dialogue is indeed terrible, as are many of the lines. The plot is somewhat silly, and the acting ranges from mediocre to corny. All this and more make this a movie worth watching.

The opening scene is an absurdly funny gun fight (whether or not it was meant to be) including a guy pulling a bazooka out of no where to kill someone for a 3rd time. Also present in this scene are needless backflips, and the overused wooshing noise that gives this movie character.

The whoosing noise was most definetly added in in jest; no director would ever think it serious to have a woosh when someone nods their head, and the overuse of this is hillarious.

Most of the movie takes place on an island where one spark would cause a giant explosion, so they fight with swords and the like. Yes, the swords would create sparks that would cause an explosion, but they had to set it up somehow so that the melee scenes could make sense.

And the fighting is some of the best seen in a while, with weapons ranging from chains, an acidic paintball gun, and a scarf. How many movies do you see where someone actually gets beaten up with a scarf that goes "woosh?"

Not a film for those who like to think deeply into everything they see, US Seals II is nothing more than a Western Hong Kong film, whose plot mostly serves no more purpose than to provide a catalyst to bring on the amazing fight scenes.

And as every single other review points out, the main bad guy did indeed have a cigar in his mouth while in an island that any spark would blow everything up. What every other review does not point out is the fact that the cigar is not lit.

There is no way, someone could work on this movie and consider it a work of art. If there is a human being on this earth that envisioned this as their masterpiece, I will weep for mankind and the gene pool this person is adding too. I know this is a bit overly dramatic, but I'm bored and have nothing else to do. Enough people have written comments on how bad this movie is, so I won't mention the whooshing sounds, or the horrible acting, but I do feel the need to mention, that the high tech weaponry that one of the Seals was carrying that didn't cause a spark, was a paintball gun w/o the CO2 tank. I just mention that.