- Lord Vladimere Hellsubus: It was in this foul dungeon that my great-grandfather, Lord Lucien Hellsubus, committed unspeakable acts of torture.
- Elvira, Mistress of the Dark: You mean, like, "Whip me, baby, whip me?"
- Lord Vladimere Hellsubus: In a nutshell, yes.
- Elvira, Mistress of the Dark: Ouch.
- [the coach hits a bump and Bradley flies forward, shoving his face into Elvira's cleavage]
- Elvira, Mistress of the Dark: Lucky for you, I come with my own air bags!
- The Maid: Your cloak, ma'am?
- [the Maid does a quick curtsy. Elvira curtsies back as she takes off her velvet cape and hands it to her]
- The Maid: Your gloves, ma'am?
- [Same]
- The Maid: Your shoes, ma'am?
- Elvira, Mistress of the Dark: Hold it right there. I mean, I usually get paid for this sort of thing.
- Elvira, Mistress of the Dark: Adrian! You came too late!
- [pauses]
- Elvira, Mistress of the Dark: Again.
- Dr. Bradley Bradley (The Charlatan): Elvira is soon to be one of gay Paree's foremost entertainers.
- Elvira, Mistress of the Dark: But the straight guys like me, too.
- Dr. Bradley Bradley (The Charlatan): The village people say this castle is cursed.
- Elvira, Mistress of the Dark: Eh, who listens to the Village People anymore?