- [last lines]
- Lecturer: As any dog trainer will tell you, the main points in training a dog are to keep your head, have patience, and more or less let the dog handle the whole thing by himself.
- Lecturer: Dogs know when their owners have performed a good trick, and are not slow to show their appreciation. Next time, perhaps the owner can jump through a hoop.
- Lecturer: The dead fish left on your pillow may be only the dog's way of showing his affection. You should remember that, to a dog, a dead fish is a great delicacy.
- Lecturer: Under the influence of alcohol, the trainer is likely to get too optimistic, and think that he's trained the dog better than he has.
- Lecturer: Now, this is no way to make a dog respect you. There's a certain amount of dignity involved in owning a dog - and while the dog may pretend not to notice that you're making a fool of yourself, he has to face a lot of just such people in a dog shop window during the day, and gets pretty sick of their saying "oojie-boojie" at him through the glass.
- Lecturer: Once you've settled on the dog you want, concentrate on it, and don't go wandering about the dog shop. Buy it with as much discrimination as you would buy an automobile - even more, because you don't have to have the automobile in the same house with you.
- [first lines]
- Lecturer: Right - today, uh... How to Train a Dog... Well, now, uh... hehe - just how *do* you train a dog?... Well, I think I violate no confidence when I say that a dog is man's best friend. Uhhh... Well, uh, in order to train a dog, uh, it's first necessary to *get* a dog.