- Ardeth Bay: [to Alex] By putting this on, you have started a chain reaction that could bring about the next apocalypse.
- [Alex gasps]
- Rick: [to Ardeth] You, lighten up.
- Rick: [to Alex] You, big trouble.
- Rick: [to Jonathan] You, get in the car.
- Evelyn: [about Ahm Shere] Alexander the Great sent troops in search of it.
- Rick: Great for him.
- Evelyn: So did Caesar.
- Rick: Yeah, look what happened to his career.
- Evelyn: And Napoleon.
- Rick: Yeah, but we're smarter than him. And taller, too.
- Evelyn: Exactly. That's why we're the ones who are gonna find it.
- Rick: Because we're taller?
- Ardeth Bay: [on seeing Rick's tattoo] If I were to say to you, "I am a stranger traveling from the East, seeking that which is lost"...
- Rick: Then I would reply that, "I am a stranger traveling from the West. It is I whom you seek." How...
- Ardeth Bay: Then it is true. You have the sacred mark.
- Rick: What, that? No, that got slapped on me when I was in an orphanage in Cairo.
- Ardeth Bay: That mark means you're a protector of man, a warrior for God, a Medjai.
- Rick: I'm sorry. You've got the wrong guy.
- [as Evy fights Imhotep's followers skillfuly with a sword]
- Alex: Whoa, Mom! When did you learn to do that?
- Evelyn: [surprised look on her face] I have no idea.
- [a thug grabs her by the throat and pushes her against the wall. She knees him in the groin and decks him with a right hook]
- Evelyn: *That* I learned from your father.
- [as Evelyn stops to drag a bench to block the museum's entrance]
- Rick: Honey, whatcha doing? These guys don't use doors.
- Rick: And let me guess. It was commanded by, uh, the Scorpion King guy?
- Evelyn: Yes, but he only awakens once every 5,000 years.
- Rick: Right. And if someone doesn't kill him, then he's gonna wipe out the world.
- Evelyn: How did you know?
- Rick: I didn't. But that's always the story.
- Evelyn: The last known expedition to actually reach Ahm Shere was sent by Ramses the Fourth over 3,000 years ago. He sent over a thousand men.
- Rick: And none of them was ever seen again.
- Evelyn: How did you know?
- Rick: I didn't. But that's always the story.
- Rick: Alex I've got a big job for you. I want you to stay here and protect the car.
- Jonathan: I can do that.
- Alex: Protect the car? Come on, Dad. Just because I'm a kid doesn't mean I'm stupid.
- Rick: I know.
- Alex: [ruffles his hair] Dad!
- Rick: Ehh...
- Jonathan: If you see anyone come running out screaming, it's just me.
- Rick: [to Jonathan about Alex] Maybe you should stay here and watch him.
- Jonathan: Yes, now you're talking.
- Alex: Are we there yet?
- Lock-Nah: No.
- Alex: Are we there yet?
- Lock-Nah: No.
- [question and response repeated many times with Lock-Nah getting angrier]
- Alex: Are we there...
- [Lock-Nah stabs his knife right between Alex's fingers]
- Alex: Whoa! That was amazing! Perfect aim.
- Lock-Nah: What are you talking about? I missed.
- Rick: [to Ardeth Bay on seeing Imhotep's resurrection] You know, a couple of years ago this would have seemed really strange to me.
- Ardeth Bay: I am sorry if I alarmed your son, but you must understand, now that the bracelet is on his wrist, we have only seven days before the Scorpion King awakens.
- Rick: We? What we?
- Ardeth Bay: If he is not killed, he will raise the Army of Anubis.
- Jonathan: I take it that's not a good thing?
- Rick: Oh, he'll wipe out the world.
- Jonathan: Ah, the old "wipe out the world" ploy.
- [after their narrow escape, Izzy cheers wildly, then rounds on O'Connell, furious]
- Izzy: O'Connell. You almost got me killed!
- Rick: [shrugs weakly] At least you didn't get shot.
- Evelyn: Izzy! Thank you!
- [kisses Izzy on the cheek]
- Evelyn: Thank you!
- [kisses Izzy on the cheek again]
- Jonathan: [with his diamond] Yes! Yes! Yes!
- Izzy: [considerably more mellow] O'Connell, who the hell you been messin' with this time, huh?
- Rick: Oh, you know, the usual. Mummies, pygmies, big bugs.
- Rick: Right. She's a reincarnated princess, and I'm a warrior for God.
- Ardeth Bay: And your son leads the way to Ahm Shere. Three sides of the pyramid. This was all preordained thousands of years ago.
- Evelyn: But how does the story end?
- Ardeth Bay: Ah, only the journey is written, not the destination.
- Rick: Convenient.
- Rick: Where the hell's Jonathon?
- [Jonathon drives up in a double-decker bus with Alex]
- Evelyn: Alex!
- Rick: What's the matter with my car?
- Jonathan: Well, I was forced to find an alternative means of transportation.
- Rick: [shouting] A double-decker bus?
- Jonathan: [pointing to Alex] It was his idea!
- Alex: Was not!
- Jonathan: Was too!
- Rick: Just go!
- Jonathan: Was too!
- Alex: Was not!
- Alex: Hey! The Book of the Dead!
- Meela: What a bright little child. Your mother must be missing you terribly. If you wish to see her again, you'd better behave.
- Alex: Lady, I don't behave for my parents. What makes you think I'm going to do it for you?
- Lock-Nah: Silence!
- Meela: Because your parents wouldn't slip poisonous snakes into your bed...
- [kisses Alex on the cheek]
- Meela: ...while you were sleeping.
- [Evie is trying to bribe Rick into checking out the Oasis of Ahm Shere]
- Evelyn: I think the bracelet is some sort of guide to the lost oasis of Ahm Shere.
- Rick: Evy, I know what you're thinking, and the answer is no. We just got home.
- Evelyn: That's the beauty of it. We're already packed.
- Rick: Why don't you just give me one good reason?
- Evelyn: It's just an oasis... darling. A beautiful... exciting... romantic... oasis.
- Rick: Hmm. The kind with the white, sandy beach and the palm trees and the cool, clear, blue water and... We could have some of those big drinks with the little umbrellas.
- Evelyn: Sounds good.
- Rick: Sounds too good. What's the catch?
- Evelyn: Supposedly it's the resting place of Anubis's army.
- Rick: Ah, ya see? I knew there's a catch. There's *always* a catch.
- Izzy: Remember that bank job in Marrakesh?
- Evelyn: Bank job?
- Rick: It's not like it sounds.
- Izzy: Ah, it's exactly how it sounds. I'm flying high, *hiding* in the sun. The white boy here flags me down, so I fly in low for the pickup. The next thing I know, I get shot! I'm lying in the middle of the road with my spleen hanging out and I see him waltzing up with some belly dancer girl.
- Evelyn: Belly dancer girl? Izzy, I think you and I should talk.
- Izzy: As long as I don't get shot.
- [while Jonathan is fighting Anch Su Namun]
- Alex: Efday Shokran... Efday Shokran... Uncle Jon, I don't know what this last symbol is!
- Jonathan: What's it look like?
- Alex: It's a bird! A stork!
- Jonathan: [ecstatic] I know that one! I know that one!
- Alex: Then what is it?
- Jonathan: [struggling with Anch Su Namun] Ah... Ah...!
- [throws her off]
- Jonathan: [triumphantly] Ahmenophus!
- [on seeing Izzy's dirigible, Rick draws his gun]
- Izzy: Whoa, whoa, whoa! She's faster than she looks. And she's quiet. Real quiet. Perfect for sneaking up on people, which is a very good thing.
- Izzy: [lowers voice] Unless, of course, we go with your approach, barging in face-first, guns blazing, and getting your friends shot in the ass!
- Rick: Okay, you're here, the bad guys are here, Evy's been kidnapped. Let me guess.
- Ardeth Bay: Yes, they once again removed the creature from his grave.
- Jonathan: I don't mean to point fingers, but isn't it your job to make sure that *doesn't* happen?
- Ardeth Bay: That woman who was with him, she knows things; things that no living person could possibly know. She knew exactly where the creature was buried. We were hoping she would lead us to the bracelet. She obviously did. And now they have it.
- Alex: [revealing the bracelet on his wrist] I wouldn't get too nervous just yet.
- [Jonathan and Shafek are being chased by pygmies and are running into the burial ground]
- Jonathan: Look! There's a burial ground! We're safe! We're safe! See those sacred stones? They'll never cross those.
- Shafek: You are sure?
- Jonathan: Yes, of course I'm sure!
- [a pygmy runs past and stabs Shafek. Jonathan screams]
- Jonathan: Sorry. My mistake.
- Izzy: [to Rick] Whatever it is, whatever you need, I don't care. Forget it, O'Connell. Every time I hook up with you, I get shot! Last time, I got shot in the ass! I'm in mourning for my ass!
- [after crashing through London and fighting off the Mummy soldiers]
- Rick: You all right?
- Ardeth Bay: This was my first bus ride.
- [last lines]
- Izzy: Uh, that's half mine, you know.
- Jonathan: What?
- Izzy: [indicating the diamond] That's half mine.
- Jonathan: I have no idea what you're talking about.
- Izzy: What? You took my gold stick! I know you took my gold stick!
- Jonathan: No, I have no id... I swear on the head of my wife, I have no idea what you're talking about.
- Izzy: You haven't... you a... you ain't got a wife!
- Jonathan: I don't got your gold stick either!
- [they keep arguing and their voices fade as the ship sails off into the sunset]
- [trying to console Alex about his moms death]
- Jonathan: Try to think of it like this, Alex. She's gone to a better place. You know, like it says in the Good Book.
- Alex: The book.
- Jonathan: What?
- Alex: That's it. That's it!
- Jonathan: That's what?
- Alex: Come on, Uncle Jon! Come on, come on!
- Jonathan: What?
- Alex: That's it! The book!
- Rick: Who the hell are those guys? Where are they taking my wife?
- Ardeth Bay: My friend, I'm not sure, but wherever this man is, your wife will surely be.
- Alex: [Alex rips the picture out of Ardeth's hands] Hey, I know him. He's the curator. He works at the British Museum.
- Ardeth Bay: Are you sure?
- Rick: You better believe him. He spends more time there then he does at home.
- Ardeth Bay: Whomever can kill the Scorpion King can send his army back to the Underworld or use it to destroy mankind and rule the Earth.
- Rick: So, that's why they dug up Imhotep. 'Cause he's the only guy tough enough to take out the Scorpion King.
- Ardeth Bay: That is their plan.
- [as Meela walks toward Imhotep]
- Baltus Hafez, the Curator: Do not be frightened.
- Meela: I am not afraid.
- Meela: [in ancient Egyptian to Imhotep] I am Anck-Su-Namun reincarnated.
- Imhotep: [in ancient Egyptian] Only in body. But soon, I will bring your soul back from the Underworld and our love shall once again be whole.
- Izzy: This thing was filled with gas. Not hot air. Gas. I need gas to get this thing off the ground. Where am I gonna get gas from around here? Huh? Bananas? Mangos? What, Tarzan's ass? Well, maybe I could finagle it to take hot air. But do you know how many cubic meters I'd need? It's too big!
- Rick: If anybody can fill this thing up with hot air, Izzy... it's you.
- [as Jonathan picks up his rifle]
- Ardeth Bay: You any good with that?
- Jonathan: Three times Fox and Hound's grand champion, I'll have you know.
- [nods at Ardeth's scimitar]
- Jonathan: You any good with that?
- Ardeth Bay: You'll know soon enough.
- [in a flash, the scimitar is in his hand and the blade rests against Jonathan's neck]
- Ardeth Bay: Because the only way to kill an Anubis warrior is by taking off its head.
- Jonathan: [swallows] I'll remember that.
- [Rick, Ardeth and the others are being pursued by Imhotep's soldier-mummies]
- Ardeth Bay: Glad to see me now?
- Rick: Just like old times, huh?
- [Princess Nefertiri falls during her duel with Anck Su Namun and lifts her mask]
- [Anch Su Namun lifts her own mask]
- Anck Su Namun: [in Ancient Egyptian] Put your mask on! Let's not scar that pretty face.
- [after Anck Su Namun wins the duel with Nefertiri]
- Anck Su Namun: [in Ancient Egyptian] You are learning quickly, Nefertiri. I'll have to watch my back.
- Princess Nefertiri: [in Ancient Egyptian] Yes... and I'll watch mine.