- [About Pete]
- Melissa: What does he tell you about me?
- Berg: Everything.
- Melissa: Like what, everything?
- Berg: Like the first time he saw you, he said he actually felt his heart stop.
- Melissa: Really?
- Berg: And you... do a phenomenal Linda Ronstadt imitation.
- Melissa: Aww... Pete.
- Berg: And he hates sushi... but goes with you all the time because he knows you love it.
- Melissa: Why didn't he say anything?
- Berg: And you laugh like a mad scientist during sex.
- Sharon Carter: Can I talk to you guys for a second?
- [storms past them]
- Berg: She knows.
- Pete: She does?
- Berg: Play dumb.
- Pete: We are dumb.
- [they walk over to Sharon]
- Sharon Carter: Are you guys nuts?
- Berg: [flipping a page on his notepad] I'm Nuts. This is my partner, Pretzels.
- Pete: What seems to be the problem, ma'am?
- Ashley: Well, a strong enough wind could blow it right over.
- Pete: [laughs] What, are you kiddin' me? You're a med student. What the hell do you know about architecture?
- Ashley: Well, my father's an architect.
- Pete: Yeah, well, my mother's a woman, but that doesn't mean I understand them.
- Sharon: It's true, he really doesn't.
- Pete: Berg, you can't sleep in my bed, people talk enough as it is. Go sleep on the couch.
- Berg: I can't sleep on the couch. Last week I spilled milk on it and for some reason it smells bad.
- Pete: So go sleep on the floor!
- Berg: I can't sleep on the floor.
- Pete: Why not?
- Berg: For some reason there's a trail of ants leading to the couch.
- Berg: [upon meeting Ashley] See anything you like?
- Ashley Walker: Wow, where you get that line? Because you need to give it back.
- Sharon Carter: Actually, we're engaged "in theory."
- Pete: Oh, that's great, congratulations. I'd explain it to Collette if I spoke French, and understood what you were talking about.
- Sharon Carter: Why is everyone having such a tough time with this? It's very simple - an engagement is a promise to be married. and I am promising to be engaged, which in theory is a promise to be married, hence we are engaged in theory.
- Johnny Donnelly: Good luck finding a card for that.
- Berg: I don't like you being mad at me.
- Pete: I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at me. Berg, I'm gonna be 25 and I don't even know where my life is - and the one good thing I had, I messed up. When my dad was my age, he had a house, he had a wife, he had me. I mean, what do I have?
- Berg: You have the ability to suck the life out of an evening.
- Berg: Y'know, Turner and Hooch were talking earlier, and they said something very intriguing.
- Pete: Don't quote your shoes.
- Berg: "Stay close to the leader, or the race is lost."
- Pete: What do you think they meant by that?
- Berg: No idea. I'm gonna take them for a walk in the park, try and get it out of them.
- Sharon Carter: Oh, run away, you bimbos, the killer's right behind you! Don't turn around. Don't... start making out with the other girl.
- [reads video cover]
- Sharon Carter: "I Know Who You Did Last Summer." Cute, guys.