- Carla Tate: I wonder who thought up sex in the first place, Danny?
- Daniel McMann: I-I think it was Madonna, actually.
- Daniel McMann: I love to drink, Ernie.
- Ernie: Yeah?
- Daniel McMann: Yeah, it makes ya feel good. Is that why people drink?
- Ernie: Some to be happy, some to forget, some to be brave.
- Daniel McMann: Ya know, I feel really brave, Ernie.
- Ernie: No, only cowards get brave that way.
- Daniel McMann: Look at the buses, watch 'em.
- Carla Tate: Why, what are they gonna do?
- Daniel McMann: They pull in, and then they pull out, and they turn, and they back up.
- [after watching a couple do a body shot in a bar]
- Carla Tate: Normal couples don't do that. They're from college.
- [to his wife about their daughters]
- Dr. Radley Tate: Honey, you're doing fine. They're not drug addicts; they're not axe murderers. ...They're not *Democrats*.
- Carla Tate: [quoting one of her teachers] Yeah, and she also told me that people like us, they - boys can try to take advantage and that they'll try to coitus us. So if that should ever happen, to say, "No!"
- Elizabeth: Oh. Okay.
- Carla Tate: "Stop right there!"
- Elizabeth: Good. That's excellent advice. What else did she say to you?
- Carla Tate: "Don't put gum under the cafeteria table! How many times do I have to tell you?"
- Carla Tate: Have you ever done it before?
- Daniel McMann: Well, yeah, kind of. You see the guys at work, they chipped in and they found this girl and she had a reputation. There was a lot of kissing and hugging and a lot of rubbing, and I kind of finished before I was supposed to. You have to be a guy to understand that.
- Daniel McMann: Are you ready? Cause I'm ready!
- Carla Tate: No Daniel, uh, I'm not ready.
- Daniel McMann: Ohh
- Carla Tate: I was thinking we could wait 'til the next holiday cause holidays are special.
- Daniel McMann: oh cause I feel special right now Carla.
- Dr. Radley Tate: When you reach a certain age and you're not talking to your children, I think you're missing a very important part of the journey.
- Elizabeth: I feel like I'm the mother of a dedicated underachiever, a gay workaholic, and Carla, who thinks she can conquer this whole terrifying world that we live in.
- Dr. Radley Tate: Honey, you're doing fine. They're not drug addicts. They're not axe murderers. They're not *Democrats.*
- Carla Tate: No matter how long I wait I can't be a painter, and I can't play tennis, and I'm not an artist. But I know how to do something, and I can love.
- [Danny, dressed in a dog costume, is introducing himself to Elizabeth]
- Daniel McMann: Don't worry, 'cause I've been house trained.
- [Danny is proposing to Carla, right in the middle of Caroline's wedding]
- Dr. Radley Tate: You know, I thought our worst problem was gonna be parking.
- Shoe Salesman: [whispering to Carla about Elizabeth] She's a little uptight.
- Elizabeth: What?
- Shoe Salesman: It-it's tight. This shoe's a little tight.
- Daniel McMann: A-Another reason I got mad is 'cause I didn't want you to think I was dumb.
- Carla Tate: I could never think that.
- Elizabeth: I also enrolled her in a calligraphy class, an origami class. I even got her into that...
- Dr. Johnson: She doesn't want to do those things. They don't interest her. They don't work for her.
- Elizabeth: Maybe Carla doesn't know what works for her.
- Dr. Johnson: And you do.
- Elizabeth: I think so. I'm her mother.
- Dr. Johnson: That's why she tried to hitchhike over 200 miles to get back here?
- Elizabeth: [getting emotional] I didn't want to put her in that place! But I had to. I had no other choice. She needed professional help. Now it is Carla turn, and I am going to protect her! And nobody's going to tell me how to do it, not even you, Radley. No!