Circuitry Man

I've seen a lot of crap movies in my time but Plughead Rewired is the pits. Imagine you're writing a sci-fi movie and your best idea is that there isn't enough oxygen but you can survive by eating special space yams that contain air. Would you just give up and accept you had no good ideas? I would, but not these guys! The plot is so incoherent and pointless that describing it would only make it sound better than it really is. Suffice to say it ends abruptly with no resolution and in the least plausible way possible with the components on offer. Plughead is hardly in it which is a shame because he is marginally interesting.

This film is an exercise in tedium, it's bundled into those "200 horror films for £10" DVD sets because it's basically worthless.

The cover art for 'Plughead Rewired' definitely grabs your attention. When I saw the plugged mug of Vernon Wells at the video store I thought it was Christopher Reeves at first glance. After actually picking it up and reading the blurb (possibly the greatest blurb to ever appear on a DVD cover) I realised it wasn't him but that this was something I had to watch.

I was warned of its awfulness after reading the other reviews on here but decided to plug into it anyway. I didn't realise what I got myself into. It takes a special kind of genius (or two in this case) to create something so mind numbingly pointless and incoherent (90 odd minutes of it in fact).

The storyline (I use that lightly), acting and dialogue are so wonderfully stupid I couldn't help but fall under its spell. Its got a Deborah Shelton topless scene (in the desert), Paul from 'Cheers' in a quirky and unnecessary role, Tom Kenny from 'Mr Show' as a loopy guru, and the queen of straight-to-video herself Traci Lords, what more could you want from a low budget sci-fi flick? If you're not keen on wasting an hour-and-a-half of your life then stay away. Im cool with it though.

Is it possible to review a film using just one word? Is it possible to sum up two hours of storytelling with one single word? If so, then my word to describe CIRCUITRY MAN 2: PLUGHEAD REWIRED would be "bloody amazing".

Imagine, my friends, the world of the future. Imagine a world where technology has run riot. Imagine a world where man's constant tampering has led to climate change and ecological disaster on an international scale. Imagine, if you will, a post apocalyptic hinterland populated by scum and bastards.

Now, imagine no more, because CIRCUITRY MAN 2: PLUGHEAD REWIRED shows you this world in stunning colour. You can see the wilderness, you can meet the strange and wonderful characters. You can almost feel the heat from the cruel sun beating down on your neck, bringing you out in small beads of sweat.

In the centre of this harsh wilderness lives Plughead, the world's most dangerous synthetic, lurking in the heart of the darkness like Colonel Kurtz in Francis Ford Coppola's "Apocalypse Now". A powerful performance from Hollywood star Vernon Wells lies at the cornerstone of this movie. Full of brooding and menace, a deformed monster with evil intentions. It reminded me of Shakespeare's King Richard III, but instead of offering "A horse, a horse. My kingdom for a horse" all Plughead has to offer is pain, misery and psycho-domination, aided by his unwilling and beautiful assistant (Traci Lords playing against type).

Fighting against Plughead is the handsome and charismatic Danner, the titular "Circuitry Man". A biosynthetic built for pleasure, his distinct style holds the key to defeating the evil Plughead. In one memorable scene Danner and his party are attacked by marauders. While the others want to fight their way out of the situation, Danner suggest a peaceful approach, and only wants to talk. How ironic, that an artificial man can show more humanity than the so called "real" humans. What does this make Danner? Something more than human? The paradoxical theme that the synthetic Danner, played with panache and some considerable style by Jim Metzler, is capable of expressing real sensitivity and feelings is further explored in a tastefully done love scene with his female police colleague.

Finishing off this ensemble are two police officers trying to locate Plughead's lair. The fact that they never find it, never meet Plughead or Danner, and have no effect at all on the outcome of the movie, might lead some to question the point of these characters even being in the film, but their genuinely witty banter provides essential comic relief from the unrelentingly grim tone of the rest of the film. Their adventures bring to mind the legendary Don Quixote and his faithful squire Sancho Panza, but instead of medieval Spain, this is future Brazil, and instead of encountering windmills and giants, this world is full of mutants, brigands and the foul Plughead himself.

As the film rushes towards an unforgettable and stunning climax the clever script is brimming with eminently quotable one liners (my personal favourite is "Why jack-off when you can jack-in?"), and the acting is top rate throughout.

What can I say about CIRCUITRY MAN 2: PLUGHEAD REWIRED? I've never felt this way after watching a film before. This film is poetry, this film is philosophy, this film is prophecy. Are you prepared to face this harsh warning from the future? If you are then welcome friend to a brave new world, because I guarantee that after watching CIRCUITRY MAN 2: PLUGHEAD REWIRED things will never ever be the same again.

I haven't seen the first Circuitry Man, which might be why Plughead Rewired left me so baffled. Or perhaps the reason for my bewilderment is that the film is a load of old twaddle - a confusing, sloppily directed mess with a terrible script and shoddy acting. Yes... that sounds more likely.

The plot? I wish I could tell you with certainty what the film was about but I'm not 100% sure. It all has something to do with cyber-villain 'Plughead' (Vernon 'Bennett from Commando' Wells), who is trying to control influential people via 'longevity chips'. But there's much more to the film than that, very little of which makes sense...

Traci Lords plays sexy blonde Norma (which is actually Traci's real name, fact fans) who is being blackmailed into assisting Plughead (although why he needs her help in particular is never explained). There are two crazy criminals who have escaped from a prison work detail on the Earth's surface, where it is so polluted that people must wear oxygen masks to survive. Hot brunette cop Kyle (Deborah Shelton) and synthetic pleasure android Danner (Jim Metzler) attempt to track down Plughead to put an end to his tyranny. And a pair of kooky lawmen speed across the planet in a supersonic car.

The action is all very scattershot, cutting between characters with little regard for narrative cohesion. Random nonsense includes Kyle digging up desert carrots to counteract pollutants in the atmosphere, the lawmen looking at mugshots on a Viewmaster, various characters interfacing via cables plugged into their necks, and matter transportation. The visuals are cheap and nasty throughout, with terrible sets and shoddy special effects (the use of a really naff 'negative image' filter being the absolute pits).

Wells, in the titular role, hams it up a treat, but the worst acting comes from Nicholas Worth as escaped criminal Rock, who is almost unbearable: even the lump of rock that he carries around with him puts in a better performance than he does.

2/10. Plughead Rewired narrowly escapes getting the lowest possible rating thanks to a gratuitous sex scene between Kyle and Danner (busty babe Shelton getting topless), the presence of pouty ex-porn star Lords (who doesn't get naked for a change, although she does squeeze into a figure-hugging little black dress), and Plughead exploding at the end.

Plughead Rewired: Circuitry Man 2 (1994) is a film I recently watched on YouTube. The storyline follows a detective seeking to track down Plughead, enlisting the help of his pleasure-robot companion from the first film. Meanwhile, Plughead teams up with a new scientist in a scheme to uncover the secret of life and sell it for profit.

The film is co-written and directed by Robert Lovy (in his directorial debut) and Steven Lovy (Circuitry Man). It stars Vernon Wells (The Road Warrior), Deborah Shelton (Body Double), Jim Metzler (L. A. Confidential), and Traci Lords (Cry-Baby).

The return of many original cast members was a definite highlight, and the settings, costumes, and performances exceeded expectations. However, the storyline ultimately falls short, lacking the creativity needed to make it stand out. The makeup and special effects are solid, and the film redeems itself somewhat with an entertaining ending.

In conclusion, Circuitry Man 2 is a very average sequel that suffers from uninspired writing. I'd rate it a 5/10 and only recommend it to diehard fans of the original.