- Vada Sultenfuss: Why is it boys talk so much, when they have nothing to say? And girls have plenty to say, but no one will listen?
- Rose Zsigmond: And you. I don't suppose your father gave you permission to pierce your ears?
- Vada Sultenfuss: Not exactly.
- Rose Zsigmond: Well, just don't shave your legs. Your father will never let you visit us again if I send you back hairless and full of holes.
- Vada: Shelly's already told me all about about sex.
- Harry Sultenfuss: She told me too. I mean, she told *me* she told *you* about sex. I - I personally knew about sex long before I met Shelly.
- Vada: I figured you did.
- Hary Sultenfuss: Hey, you're not eating your meatloaf.
- Shelly DeVoto Sultenfuss: If I eat it I'll throw up.
- Hary Sultenfuss: Well you should at least try a little bit.
- Shelly DeVoto Sultenfuss: Then I'll throw up a little bit.
- [first lines]
- Vada Sultenfuss: [narration to audience] I remember before I was born, wounded up like a fur ball in the highly overrated fetal position, luckily I'm not claustrophobic, but on rainy days I still felt a tightness in my left shoulder. So now that my stepmother's pregnant, I understand what the baby's going through, and I'm not jealous at all, really, not at all.
- Vada: I want to be a writer. I want to be just like you.
- Alfred Beidermeyer: Hmph. Me? My dear, this is not a country that rewards poetry. This is a country that rewards gas mileage. Besides, people don't read poetry anymore; they watch television. Don't be a poet. Be a TV repairman.
- [last lines]
- Vada: [voiceover] Things are going great. I got an A on my report, Dad is getting used to my pierced ears and Nick is coming to visit for the summer. Right now, I'm focusing on being a big sister. I want to tell my brother about my mother and all the things she achieved. It turns out, and I know it might sound conceited, but-her greatest achievement was me.
- Harry Sultenfuss: Your Dad's a paranoid nitwit who has never let his baby girl out of his sight for the simple reason that he's a paranoid nitwit.
- Hary Sultenfuss: [after finding out Veda and Shelly bought Veda airline tickets to LA] I thought it was illegal to sell airline tickets to minors!
- Rose Zsigmond: [Lecturing Nick after he and Veda come in late] How can I do my job as a mother, if you don't do your job as a kid?