Der chaotenboss

There are many mysteries in life. For example: Why did any of the people other than Carrot Top agree to appear in this movie? Why did anyone distribute this movie? Why did anyone pay money to see it? I guess none of these questions will ever be answered, but one thing I know for sure, this movie is one of the worst ever made with a budget this big. It would already be bad, but the addition of Carrot Top's "humor" makes it even worse. The only entertainment one could possibly get from this movie is to burn it, smash it, or otherwise destroy it in an amusing fashion. If you were to rank it against every movie ever made, it would be right between "Problem Child" and "Biodome". Nuff said.

The only interesting thing about this movie is that almost everyone who has a speaking role was in an episode of Seinfeld. The plot is that he needs to get the rent money and then they just forget that. He's an inventor who inherits a multi-million dollar manufacturing company and never thinks to make any of his great inventions. Just like in every "comedy", there's the completely useless love story that does nothing but add 20 minutes to an already unbearable movie. This movie is somehow less funny than Carrot Top's stand up comedy which is a miracle. If you want to try to remember all the bit characters from Seinfeld, this could be watchable. If you want to be entertained, run away.

...You left Melrose Place to do a movie with Carrot Top!?"

-Norm Macdonald to Courtney Thorne-Smith on the Conan O'Brien show in '97

Really can't sum up how bad this movie is better than that.

Board spelt bored rip Norm. Box office poison.

The interview on Conan def worth a watch unlike this film.

It's tempting to call CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD "Pee-Wee Herman IS The Hudsucker Proxy," but that would be a terrible insult to both Mr. Reubens and the Coen Bros. In any case, can we please enact a moratorium on idiocy? Carrot Top is...a surfer dude who strikes up a brief friendship with tycoon Jack Warden. When the old fart dies, Mr. Top is left the (cue title) of his huge invention corporation. But fart's nephew wants the seat at the head of the table, and he'll become the boss if the company stock drops too far. (Did Joel and Ethan settle out of court, or were they paid off while this movie was being filmed?)

Despite some nifty doo-dads and an amusing moment or two, CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD does a) star a prop comic with a screechy voice who's now relegated to cheap AT&T TV spots, and b) contain jokes that seem to have been written during the first Bush administration. It's a movie solely for C.T. fans (both of them). Nobody else should bother.

So, who's next, Gallagher?

(Note: I was given a promotional soundtrack when this movie came out, and the CD has never been read by the laser in my boombox. It's made a nice dust collector over the years, and aside from a Ramones track that's available on countless other discs, I've never heard of the bands featured on it. Sprung Monkey? Hillbilly Soul Surfers? Do these names give you an idea of the intelligence level offered here?)