- Malik Brody: Hey man, tell me about China. Is there a lot of Kung Fu shit going on?
- Toby Wong: What do you mean?
- Malik Brody: Like guys coming up to each other on the street going 'hmm... Your Kung Fu is pretty useless, as well as obsolete. You insult me! You bastard. Prepare to die!'
- Toby Wong: No, not a whole lot...
- Vic Madison: I swear Hedgehog, all this junk food you eat is gonna turn into one smelly mound of shit.
- Hedgehog: My bodily functions don't concern you!
- Vic Madison: Yeah, well they do when I've gotta be subjected to the consequences of your flatulence!
- Toby Wong: Are you okay?
- Malik Brody: Okay? OKAY? I'm in one piece, motherfucker, but okay's something I ain't been since we met!
- Malik Brody: You pulled a whip on me? Are you out of your fucking mind? Let me tell you something - DON'T YOU EVER PULL A WHIP ON A BLACK MAN AGAIN!
- Toby Wong: Back to plan A.
- Malik Brody: What's plan A?
- Toby Wong: Don't get shot.
- Malik Brody: Good plan!
- [Before jumping]
- Malik Brody: It's suicide, you wanna talk about it?
- Toby Wong: Tell me on the way down.
- Malik Brody: Funny, 'cause the image that Americans have of China is that's it's a country full of people with little tiny feet, and they run around and kick the shit out of each other everyday.
- Toby Wong: Well that's the same image we have of America, except you guys have big feet and kick the shit out of each other less gracefully.
- Malik Brody: Yeah, I can see that.
- Malik Brody: What the hell were you doing while I was getting my ass kicked?
- Toby Wong: I was catching up on an episode of "Walter - the Einstein frog".
- Malik Brody: Oh He's a fucking cheeseburger!
- Carolyn: He works for a living
- Malik Brody: He's a cheeseburger.
- Carolyn: A Cheeseburger?
- Malik Brody: Yes... A Nasty, fat, coagulating around your heart, not good for you cheeseburger...
- Toby Wong: I got a funny feeling we're about to see some familiar faces.
- Malik Brody: Funny feeling? Well, your definition of funny and mine must be completely different, because I don't see a damn thing funny!
- Vic Madison: Hey, you can see me can't you? Then why don't you speak English as soon as my ugly mug pops up or do I have to come over there and bitch-slap you!
- Toby Wong: Don't smoke in the car!
- Malik Brody: I'm sorry, you don't want me to smoke, in MY car? Can I open a window and smoke? Oh, this is fun, this is fucking fun. You know what, you're right, you're absolutely right, I'm gonna quit!
- Waterfront Bartender: I don't know why you want to waste so much time writing those sappy love songs when no-one wants to hear 'em. Least of all, the woman who dumped your sorry ass.
- Malik Brody: Oh, well thank you Doctor! I feel so much better now!
- Waterfront Bartender: The truth hurts, baby.
- Malik Brody: You don't look like Miss Daisy, I should be driving you no fucking where.
- Toby Wong: Shut up!
- Malik Brody: Can't smoke can't talk, I'm fucking covered. You take the car, I'll walk. Drive your own fucking self.
- Delivarence Bodine: You owe me...
- Malik Brody: I owe you what?
- Delivarence Bodine: Entertainment, chocolate boy wonder!
- Delivarence Bodine: They say you can tell what a man's like, by the type of car that he drives. So when did Godzilla get a hold of your car?
- Toby Wong: They're not supposed to kill me, I'm too valuable to them.
- Malik Brody: Valuable? Oh, you're about a penny a pound as far as I'm concerned. If you're so fucking precious, why did you kidnap me? Why did you get me involved, I mean I know I'm good looking but damn! This is like shit on Malik week!
- Malik Brody: You left Bria with the Asshole?
- Carolyn: His name is Steve.
- Malik Brody: Oh, I forgot, the asshole part is silent!