- Lucy: [to Jack] Okay, um. What do you mean by the leaning thing? You mean because he gave me flowers?
- Jack: And then you *leaned*.
- Lucy: [matter-of-factly] And then I leaned.
- Jack: Yeah.
- Lucy: Okay, how did I lean when I leaned?
- Jack: [gesturing as he describes] It was a lot different from hugging. Hugging's very different. Hugging that involves arms and hands; and leaning is whole bodies moving in like this. Leaning involves *wanting*... and *accepting*. *Leaning*...
- Joe Jr.: Hey Luce! Is this guy bothering you?
- Lucy: [laughing] No, no.
- Joe Jr.: Are you sure? Because it looks like he's *leaning*.
- Lucy: [to a comatose Peter] Do you believe in love at first sight? Nah, I betcha don't, you're probably too sensible for that. Or have you ever, like, seen somebody, and you knew that, if only that person *really* knew you, they would, well, they would of course dump the perfect model that they were with, and realize that *you* were the one that they wanted to, just, grow old with? Have you ever fallen in love with someone you haven't even talked to? Have you ever been so alone you spend the night confusing a man in a coma?
- [Lucy sits in her booth taking tokens. Suddenly, a ring drops in, and she looks up in surprise to see Jack and the entire Callaghan family standing outside the booth]
- Jack: Lucy? I need to ask you a question.
- Elsie: Get down on your knee. It's more romantic.
- Saul: He's proposing. Let him do it!
- Elsie: I *am* letting him do it!
- [Lucy and Jack can barely contain their laughter]
- Jack: Can I come in there, please?
- Lucy: [playfully] I can't. Not without a token.
- [Jack drops in a subway token and goes into the booth, as his family whispers excitedly]
- Jack: Marry me?
- Lucy: Yeah. I love you.
- Jack: I love you back.
- Jack: [playing cards with a comatose Peter] Remember in, like, fifth or sixth grade, I was starting to get really good at poker and going home with lots of lunch money? I got to know the principal's office really well. He always used to say to me, "How come you can't be more like your brother Peter?" Well, you know what? I was all right with that. I had no problems with that, because I was proud of you and I was never envious of anything that you had.
- [pause]
- Jack: Until now. I'll cut the deck. High card gets Lucy.
- [cuts deck, looks at the cards]
- Jack: All right, we'll go best out of three.
- [last lines]
- Lucy: [voice over] So I had planned to marry Peter, but... I married Jack instead. Thank goodness my father was right. Life doesn't always turn out the way you plan. But Jack... Jack gave me the perfect gift: a stamp in my passport. He took me to Florence for our honeymoon. I guess you might say he gave me the world. Peter once asked me when it was that I fell in love with Jack. And I told him, "It was while you were sleeping."
- Lucy: [as she walks toward her closed apartment door expecting to see Joe Jr. on the other side] Oh! I don't want any flowers from you, I am not wearing black underwear, and I definitely do not want to move in with you, Jo... Jack.
- Jack: [as Lucy sees Jack and not Joe Jr. as she opens the door] Well, I don't have any flowers, I wouldn't mind seeing the black underwear, but under the circumstances, I don't think we should move in together.
- Lucy: I thought you were Joe Jr.
- Jack: [sarcastically] I get that a lot.
- Lucy: [laughing] Do you wanna come in?
- Jack: Yeah.
- Lucy: Yeah?
- Jack: [seeing the dress hanging on her bodice from a clothes hanger draped over her neck] Yeah. Wow. So that's... wow, the wedding dress, huh?
- Lucy: Hmm?
- Jack: The wedding dress. It works good as a tie too.
- Lucy: Ow. Yeah.
- Jack: I just wanted to give you this before all the presents started to pile up. I was droppin' off some furniture in Little Italy. I look in a window, and...
- Lucy: [handing her a snow globe] Florence.
- Jack: Florence.
- Lucy: Thank you. It's really beautiful.
- Jack: And I wanted to say that I think that Peter... is a very lucky guy.
- Lucy: Thank you.
- Jack: I had to say that because you're gonna be my sister-in-law.
- Lucy: Ha, ha, ha, ha. Well, I guess we'll be seeing a lot of each other then.
- Jack: I better get goin'.
- Lucy: [going after Jack as he has already turned to leave] Yeah. Hey, Jack. Jack!
- Jack: [turning around] Yeah?
- Lucy: Can you give me any reason why I shouldn't marry your brother?
- Jack: Oh... I can't.
- [Lucy nods as Jack angrily leaves]
- Lucy: [trying to heave a tree up to her second floor apartment through the window] $45 for a Christmas tree and they don't deliver? You order $10 worth of chow mein from Mr. Wong they bring it to your door.
- [first lines]
- Lucy: [voice over over what starts as a Sepia tone flashback colored orange by the sunset] Okay, there are two things that I remember about my childhood - I just don't remember it being this orange. First, I remember being with my Dad. He would get these far off looks in his eye, and he would say, "Life doesn't always turn out the way you plan." I just wish I'd realized at the time he was talking about *my* life. But, that never stopped us from taking our adventures together. He would pack up our sometimes working car, and he would tell me *amazing* stories about strange and exotic lands as we headed off to exciting destinations like... Milwaukee. It's amazing how exotic Wisconsin... isn't. But my favorite memories were the stories that he would tell me about my Mom. He would take me to the church where they got married, and I'd *beg* him to tell me more about the ceremony and about my crazy Uncle Irwin who fell asleep in the macaroni and cheese, and I asked my Dad when he knew that he truly loved my Mom. And he said to me, "Lucy, your mother gave me a special gift: she gave me the world." Actually, it was a globe with a light in it, but for the romantic that he was, it might as well have been the world.
- Ashley Bacon: Peter Callaghan is engaged to me. I object to this wedding!
- Priest: Get in line.
- Ashley's Husband: And I object to your objection.
- Mary: Who's that?
- Peter: Ashley's husband.
- Midge: You proposed to a married woman?
- Peter: Yes. And I'm in a coma when my brother makes a play for my... sort of my fiancée.
- Peter: I'm making a clean start with Lucy. She is... she is... she... what is she? She's...
- Jack: I'd say that she gets under your skin as soon as you meet her. She drives you so nuts you don't know whether to hug her or, or just really arm wrestle her. She would go all the way to Europe just to get a stamp in her passport. I don't know if that amounts to insanity, or just being really, really... likable.
- Peter: No, that's not it.
- Peter: [not noticing Jack's look of annoyance at his last comment] But she's gotta be really special. She's gotta be. And I can spend the rest of my life finding out why.
- Lucy: I have a house, and family, and things like that... not like I'm complaining or anything, because I have a cat, I have an apartment, sole possession of the remote control. That's very important. It's just, I never met anyone I could laugh with.
- Lucy: I'm having an affair. I like Jack.
- Jerry: Who's Jack?
- Lucy: Peter's brother.
- Jerry: So?
- Lucy: So he thinks I'm engaged.
- Jerry: To who?
- Lucy: To Peter.
- Jerry: Lucy, I really don't have time for this.
- Lucy: No, you have to tell me what to do.
- Jerry: Tell the truth.
- Lucy: If I tell Jack I lied to his family he will *never* speak to me again. And Ox and Midge and Mary and Saul.
- Jerry: Saul? Who's Saul?
- Lucy: The next door neighbor. But you know what? Actually, he knows.
- Jerry: Lucy, you are born into a family. You do not join them like you do the marines.
- Lucy: So what should I do?
- Jerry: Pull the plug.
- Lucy: You're sick.
- Jerry: I'm sick? You're cheating on a vegetable.
- Saul: So, do you have any family?
- Lucy: My mom died when I was really little and a couple of years ago my dad got sick so we moved from Indiana so he could go to research hospital.
- Saul: Research. Another word for very expensive.
- Lucy: Yeah, I had to quit school and I started working for the CTA and about a year ago he decided he had had enough research and he passed away.
- Lucy: Wh.. why did you say that?
- Wanda: Say what?
- Lucy: I'm not his fiancée.
- Wanda: Why did you tell me that you were?
- Lucy: I'm not engaged. I've never even spoken to the guy.
- Wanda: What? Well, dow... downstairs, you said, you said you were gonna marry him.
- Lucy: Oh, geez, I was talking to myself.
- Wanda: Well, next time you talk to yourself, tell yourself you're single and end the conversation.
- Jerry: What's this?
- Lucy: It's a wedding invitation.
- Jerry: Wait a minute! This is *your* wedding invitation.
- Lucy: So?
- Jerry: Whom are we marrying?
- Lucy: [turns over invitation] Jerry... Peter Callaghan.
- Jerry: The coma guy? Are you insane?
- Lucy: Yes, Jerry, I'm insane. Every day I go and I sit in a booth like a veal. I work every holiday, I go home to a cat. And now, a rich and handsome man has asked me to marry him, and I have said yes. Okay, okay, that makes me a raving total lunatic.
- Jerry: [reads the invitation] The wedding is tomorrow, Lucy!
- Lucy: I know it's tomorrow, Jerry. But you know what, I even wish it were yesterday, because that would mean that today that I would be on my honeymoon, that I would finally have a stamp in my passport, and that it would say "Italy" on it!
- [pause]
- Jerry: What happened with other guy?
- Lucy: [despondent] He didn't want me.
- Jack: Hey, what do you know about my family? Spending a week with them does *not* make you an expert!
- Lucy: Spending a *lifetime* with them hasn't made you one, either!
- Jack: [following Lucy as she heads toward her apartment building entrance] Yeah, well, I know that keeping your family happy gets complicated. Would your father be happy knowing you're sitting in a token booth, planning vacations that you aren't taking?
- Lucy: No, he wouldn't. You're right. But you have no idea what it's like to be alone.
- Jack: Hey, you have Peter.
- Lucy: I don't have anybody.
- Jack: [in Peter's apartment] You stay here a lot, huh?
- Lucy: [uncomfortably lying] Oh, you know, feed the cat.
- Jack: Peter doesn't have a cat.
- Lucy: [picking up a cat that just at that time mysteriously appears from around the corner] Oh, hello, honey, hi...
- Lucy: [discreetly sees the cat's name on its collar tag] ... *Fluffy*! Oh, Fluffy...
- Man at Church: Will you please pipe down?
- Ox: Hey, be nice pal-ly, we're in church!
- Man at Church: You're disrupting the Mass!
- Ox: Who made you the Pope?
- Jerry: [to Lucy about Jack who followed her to Celeste's party] Peter?
- Lucy: I gotta talk to you.
- Jerry: Geez, he looks good.
- Lucy: That's not Peter. That's Jack.
- Jerry: Uh, who's Jack again?
- Lucy: Peter's brother.
- Jerry: Peter's the guy that's in a coma.
- Lucy: Yeah.
- Jerry: So then why did you bring Jack?
- Lucy: I didn't bring Jack. He followed me here.
- Jerry: So Jack's the fiancé?
- Lucy: No, Peter.
- Jerry: Peter doesn't even know you exist.
- Lucy: I know.
- Jerry: So Jack is Peter?
- Lucy: Yeah.
- Jerry: Lucy!
- Lucy: Yeah?
- Jerry: They have doctors for this kind of thing!
- Lucy: You know, Jack, I've had a really lousy Christmas. You've just managed to kill my New Year's. If you come back on Easter- you can burn down my apartment.
- Mr. Fusco: "Nature of claim": Christmas tree through window. How am I gonna put that on my insurance claim? They're still pissed about the fire we had when Joe Jr. barbecued in the stairwell.
- Lucy: I missed that.
- Mr. Fusco: Great sausage.
- Lucy: Listen, I'll pay for this.
- Mr. Fusco: Don't worry about it, my brother Giuli's in the glass business.
- Joe Jr.: Hey Pop. Can I give that bottle of Blue Nun you got from Cousin Ornello to my probation officer?
- Jerry: So what's the big deal?
- Lucy: What's the big deal? Jerry, they think I'm their future daughter-in-law. And the grandma has got this heart thing and if I tell them the truth, she's gonna have a heart attack and die and it's gonna be on my head.
- Jerry: Well, go along with it and when Peter comes out of the coma the family'll be so happy they won't care that you lied to them. They'll probably even thank you for it.
- Lucy: [to hot dog vendor] *Just* mustard.
- Lucy: [to Jerry] Okay, what if he *doesn't* come out of his coma?
- Jerry: Then who's to know?
- Jerry: [following Lucy's groan in response] Listen, Lucy, when I told my mother I was getting married to my wife, her intestines exploded. You tell them the truth now, you may as well shoot grandma.