- Brandon Ward: I think I saw Lawrence's face on America's Most Wanted. Do you suppose that we should call the police?
- Russ Syracuse: Wow, Brandon. You sure have a wild imagination, don't you?
- Molly Ward: He lies. Don't believe anything he says.
- Brandon Ward: I do lie sometimes, Molly. But that bubblegum you swallowed was radioactive, and you will grow to abnormal proportions.
- [she gets a paranoid looks on her face]
- Valerie Syracuse: Honey, he's just teasing.
- Brandon Ward: I'm not.
- Russ Syracuse: Brandon, I think you're scaring your little sister.
- Brandon Ward: Fine, but tomorrow, she'll wake up nine feet tall and glowing like a lightbulb.
- [upon finding Molly hiding a dog tied to a rope behind her back during a disciplinary meeting]
- Cliff Haber: Where did you get this one?
- Molly Ward: I found it by the dumster and it had no collar.
- Kyle Ward: She did not find it by the dumpster. She stole it out of a mercedes.
- Brandon Ward: After she killed the driver.
- Molly Ward: Did not, you liar!