Black Berets - Zum Sterben geboren

This review was written in 1992, when this movie was a new release on home video, and published in a Canadian daily newspaper (remember those?). And yes, I consciously ripped off Joe Bob Briggs in my 'final score' wrap-ups back in those days.

COMRADES IN ARMS (Rated R) - Malo Video: Probably as a favour to some friend, the ever-cool Lance Henriksen (Aliens) takes the cushy sit-down role of CIA honcho Bob Reed in this progressively rotten actioner.

Reed's the man with the plan to send the American Delta Force (led by the overweight Rick Washburne) and the Soviet Red Army Spetnatz (led by the late Lyle Alzado) into Colombia to kick some drug dealer butt. Unfortunately, as Reed, Lance spends most of his part sitting in a big, comfy chair saying real serious stuff like "Somebody's gotta hang for this fiasco!" while his ragtag Rambos ring up the death tally.

The final score: Sixty-four body count with one squishy exploding head; three totalled cars; and so-so direction by J. Christian Ingvordsen (Mob War, Hangmen), who apparently discovered where the lens is on the camera.

Special thanks in the credits are given to the Ontario Film Office, leading me to wonder if Colombia isn't, in fact, some guys backyard in Mississauga.

Frank White back working for the U. S. Government in the next sequel Comrades in Arms (1991). Now this is where my journey truly knocked me on my ass. First the plot particulars: White's new team botches a raid on a drug boss, so his CIA boss (Lance Henriksen!) demands he team up with some Soviet soldiers to take out the drug kingpin. Now for the mind bending. Once again, Lyle Alzado is top billed, so I got my hopes up that he would get more screen time. Now here is the crazy part - Alzado is General Orlof in Shocktroop (1988) and General Rada in this. Now for the craziest part - they just use the same footage of him from Shocktroop and dub it to make him a good guy this time. Now for the "what the hell is going on, did someone spike my drink" part - both Alzado scenes in each movie have him interacting with Steven Kaman as a Russian colonel. But...wait for it...he is a different Russian colonel dressed exactly the same. In Shocktroop he is a bad guy named Kotchev and in Comrades he is a good guy named Kotchov! Hell, Frank White KILLED Kotchev in Shocktroop! And this isn't redubbed footage as my OCD tendencies made me compare both scenes and they definitely shot new reaction shots of Kaman in this film. I guess it is a decent cost cutting matter, but also super-duper confusing (although to be fair to Ingvordsen, I bet he never expected anyone to power watch these three films in as many days). To add to the confusion, at one point White's CIA contact (Rick Washburn, again as a different mentor character) calls Frank White by the nickname "Bone" - the name of a character in other Ingvordsen films - several times. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? Things are so convoluted that even the actors from his troupe can't get things straight. To be fair, this one ups the action (naturally, the finale takes place at an empty warehouse), but who knew guys running around shooting stuff up could be so boring? As with the two previous films, it ends with White having his faith in the U. S. Government shaken which leads to...J. Christian Invordsen next starting a four-film quadrilogy called Airboss starring Frank Zagarino as Frank White. Looking at the IMDb credits for those films, there is a supporting character named Bone Conn. WHAT!? (insert Scanners exploding head GIF). Dang it, I'm out.