9 1/2 Ninjas!

I wouldn't call myself a movie buff. I mean, I watch a lot of movies, I play six degrees of separation using actors/directors, and I've been accused on more than one occasion of cheating during games of scene-it, the DVD trivia game, though I never have, I just happen to know more about movies than members of my family. But I will say this: I have seen a film that I would call a desecration of cinema. I have seen a film that I believe no one could justify. Some people would say that there is warrant for existence in all things, they would say that any expression of creativity contains some type of merit. I can prove them wrong. With what you ask? Well, if you actually have to ask that, I'm sorry for you, because you are on the 9 1/2 ninjas board on IMDb, so odds are I'm talking about that tragedy that some would call a movie.

Spoofs are often dangerous waters to try and tread. The spoof requires the craftsmanship of a real satirist, or at least someone with some kind of sense of humor. Typically, a spoof correlates somewhat with the plot of the film it is trying to spoof. Supposedly (but I don't believe it) this film is a spoof of 9 1/2 weeks. When I learned this, it begged a certain question: "What?" Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this film is supposed to be a spoof? Don't ask me how, though, I'm just the messenger. This is my biggest problem with the film: its a facade! There is no "spoof," only minor and hardly noticeable references to the film it's trying to spoof. And secondly, there is no real kung-fu. I am an avid Kung-fu film fan. And when I see the word ninja, I expect to see at least some form of semi-skilled combat. Though this film is a comedy, the often sophomoric attempts at fighting are just plain frustrating.

In short, I strongly recommend you don't see this movie. That's pretty much all there is to it.

My review was written in January 1991 after watching the film on Republic Pictures video cassette.

The wackiness of "Airplane" eludes "9-1/2 Ninjas", a fitfully amusing spof of ninja films and Adrian Lyne's "Nine 1/2 Weeks".

Released direct to the home video maret, pic is an acceptable timekiller for fans not counting up the number of misses among scattershot, almost nonstop gags.

Film was evidently aimed more at the foreign market, where the Mickey Rourke-Kim Bassinger epic was a hti. Most of the gags here are obscure unless one has memories the bondage-oriented romance.

Michael Phenicie toplines as a guy who seems to have stepped out of a shirt ad, who becomes involved with ditzy but beautiful blonde Andee Gray. Running gag has her getting tied up and being treated as a submissive by Phenicie, but it's not very funny.

The ninjas appear as henchmen hired by mean real estate developer Robert Fieldsteel, who's trying to evict Phenicie from his apartment. Also present is a ninja hand puppet, voiced by Paul Jabara, which reduces the film to utter silliness.

Among the odder elements here are Fieldstel's Russian henchman Dimitri, played in drag with moustache by actress Barbara Leary and a weird subplot of Phenicie's earlier romance with lovely overeater Sharon Lee Jones, who put on hundreds of pounds thanks to special makeup effects.

Though this role doesn't give her much to do beyond Little Annie Fanny emoting, Gray is pleasant Phenicie is hamstrung by his Dudley Doright wooden assignment.

This phenomenal movie was robbed of every Oscar nomination possible in '91. Superior in everyway to THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS!!!! A brilliant, unmitigated work of art!!!

I saw this movie for the first time about eight years ago, and I thought that it was the funniest thing I had ever seen. It didn't offer too much that I hadn't already seen, and even those jokes were delivered pretty badly. But I still love it!! I think that my major attraction to this movie is in that you can never quite tell what the people involved in this production were thinking. There are some gags in this movie that could have been really funny had they been pulled off by somewhat professional people, but the poor craftmanship in someway makes the movie much much better. It's a hard movie to obtain, but I recommend it to anyone who can find it. Even if it's not your kind of film, it should be experienced.

I first bought this when I was about 14 or 15 because it had ninjas in it, and I was all for buying anything with the word ninja it around that time.

Obviously, having the scantly clad and very beautiful Andee Gray splashed over the cover, my friends and parents were very convinced I had bought it for other reasons...

I think my husband would disagree!

At this stage I was sourcing as much Hong Kong cinema as I could possibly find. I had seen some of the finest at this point, and my video collection was growing fast. I knew from the look of this that I wasn't to be expecting anything that would get my adrenaline going, but oh boy - I was not expecting this.

Completely played for laughs, in the style of the hilarious Naked Gun & Airplane movies, this 1990 flick that clearly spoofs 9 ½ Weeks, is just bonkers and unfortunately falls flat on most of its gags!

Director Aaron Barsky (or Worth as he is in this) has quite the credits behind him in the film industry, and 9 ½ Ninjas was his directorial debut - but I have to say, had this been in the hands of Mel Brooks or David Zucker, I reckon it would have been a hit.

Instead, due to weak direction the comedy seems overly forced and so badly timed. The film itself is bland and boring on a technical aspect, but a lot of US films were in this time period. Hollywood go-to Asian of the 80's and 90's Gerald Okamura plays the Master of course ironically having just come off the equally unfunny Ninja Academy from the year before!

Is there any positive viewing experience in this? Well - very little. It will raise a smile here and there, but ultimately, 9 ½ Ninjas is a big flop. The moment has gone...

Overall: Not a vital part of your life, but will make you laugh more unintentionally than you think!